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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » DOES MY FRIEND NEED HELP?!

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Member # 20665

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My problem is sort of complicated and long but I hope someone can understand it and help me because I can't think of what to do! I've had this guy friend ever since middle school (we graduated high school a year ago) and all the while we were in school he was a really clean cut, nice guy, he wore preppy clothes, and was almost never in a bad mood or sad etc. All through high school he liked this girl that was in our grade, but he never wanted to admit it, not even to me and I was his good friend, but it was very very obvious(he always tried to look good for her, looked at her so much, and was only nervous and shy around her etc.) but I think he had a lot of self-esteem issues and stuff like that that he never wanted to talk about so he felt like he wasn't good enough for her or something. At the end of high school, he started going out with a girl he'd known for years and was friends with for years, but I knew he didn't really like her and she wasn't his type at all. I asked him why he was going out with her and he never wanted to give me a straight answer so I think he just did it to have someone. Right when high school ended he changed so much. He started to listen to really heavy punk rock music that talked about killing yourself and didn't care about his apperance at all so he started wearing the same clothes everyday, he grew his hair out long, and his mood changed too. He used to always be smilling, laughing, and telling jokes, but now he almost never smiles or is in a good mood. It's been a year since school ended and he seems more and more different and depressed everytime I see him. He barely wants to talk to me anymore either. I don't even know what happened to him so how can I know how to help him? I talked to his best guy friend about it and he thinks that he's not happy with the relationship he's in and he would've really wanted to go out with the girl he liked so much in school for all those years but never got the courage to say anything about it and now he's depressed. I don't know! Does anybody have any ideas on what happened to him or what to do? Any ideas would help. Thank you to all who answer!!
Posts: 3 | From: Katy, TX ,USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 18028

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Maybe he is going through some kind of trauma.

I think you need to be a real friend and confront him about it.

Posts: 203 | From: Laguna Niguel, CA, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20650

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So he likes punk. Music doesn't necesarilly mean that he's in trouble. There are certain guidelines within punk, he might be acting depressed for the looks of it (punk is about anger and dissatisfaction with society, and punk is a farily conservative movement with guidelines for what to do to stay "true punk"). If you are concerned that he's clinically depressed or whatever, and have more evidence about it, then seek help. Don't think that he's a depresso because he chose a different sub (sub culture). 7 months ago I used to listen to TATU and dress fairly mediocre, and I was depressed. Now I listen to some of the most brutal music around, and I'm very happy.

Posts: 105 | From: Australia | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20046

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People change. His sudden mood change that has caused him to act and be different could be for a number of reasons. It could be that he is upset about his relationship or the girl he never got or it could be for a number of other reasons. You can't know the real reason for the way he is unless you talk to him. If he is really meloncholy at the moment, what he really needs is a good friend to stick by him. Hang out with him, talk to him, be a friend. Get him to do the things he used to do and see what he's missing out on him. Most of the time when people are depressed they just need someone to vent their feelings to or help them to get on their feet again. Tell him that you are concerned about him and if he gets uptight about this, just tell him you're not trying to offend him, but that you just care about him. Hopefully you'll get him to realise that yes he has changed and then he is forced to confront this. basically, just be a friend to him and talk to him, thats all you can be. It sounds like this relationship he is in has something to do with it so maybe try to discuss that and talk about whats best for him. Hope that helps.
Posts: 58 | From: Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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