Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » afraid of my ex bf

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: afraid of my ex bf
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 9 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey,

I am really frightened My Ex Boyfriend and I had a bad brake up, He used to hurt me etc. Anyway, we Broke up and that was quite a few months ago. Straight afterward he wouldnt leave me alone, he would follow me in his car, call my house and say things and hang up, and waited for me when i come out of school and ask me all sorts of questions. At the time, it freaked me out a little, but i knew him well and he seemed like he was just mad about the brake up. But since then he has been using some pretty serious drugs. He had stopped contacting and seeing me completely and i was trying to get on with my life. But now he has started again :S And he is very different. His friends told me about how the drugs have made him different and how he thinks he can make me love him again, im frightened this time. I don't trust him. I cant handle this, Sometimes my chest gets really tight and i cant breathe and it feels like i have to let the bad stuff out and i cut. I never used to do this stuff. I thought i was getting better but now this! I dont know what to do, I dont know how to make him leave me alone, How do i make him go away? i know this may be a bit of a crazy post, im just not doing too good :S Thanks for your help.
nixieGurl


Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Londongirl
Activist
Member # 18235

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Londongirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It sounds like he is stalking you. Have you told your parents? It would also be worth talking to the police about this, they may be able to warn him off. His behaviour is really unacceptable.

From this and your other post http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum2/HTML/005891.html today, it sounds like you are still coming to terms with the rape and abuse you have suffered. Have you had any counselling? A counsellor could help you through this.

There are some very positive articles here, have you had a look around the main site?

------------------
Londongirl
Thirtysomething and not actually counting
Who the **** is Londongirl?


Posts: 352 | From: UK | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yup, Ive had a look around, I read alot of the articles, they are really useful! I don't really talk to my parents much. My dad lives in a different city and I don't see my mother much even though I still live at home, im 18. I am afraid that talking to the police will just make him angrier, Its the fact that he has used some really scary drugs that freaks me out because it has changed him alot and he seems like a completely different person, its scary.
He is saying he wants to talk to me, and I could sort it out then, but do you think that would be a bad idea? I mean I dont know what he would do, So I am torn between trying to get this talked about with him somehow and sort it out properly and telling the police.

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
horsedreamer
Neophyte
Member # 20080

Icon 1 posted      Profile for horsedreamer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If you're afraid to talk to the police, that's what he wants. You should talk to some law enforcement. If he's angry and you've spoken to the police with any concerns, he would be putting himself at serious risk to do anything to you. You may even have to get a restraining order. What he is saying and what he is doing do not make sense toghether, and actions speak louder than words. He doesn't want to sort things out, he wants to have someone to control.
Posts: 18 | From: Cobleskill, NY, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Silver1381
Activist
Member # 18771

Icon 4 posted      Profile for Silver1381     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hun, if you were to get together with him and talk, it would most likely NOT turn out to result in anything good. Think about it...he's taking and is addicted to drugs...in your heart of hearts do you really think you two are going to be able to have a rational discussion and be able to "work things out?" I don't think so.

Based on his past and current actions, I would not advise you to have anything to do with this guy. Instead, I advise and encourage you to speak to the police about this situation. I'd fear for your safety and well-being if you went ahead and agreed to speak with your ex. Personally, I really think your best and safest option is to tell the police.

Best wishes to you!


Posts: 123 | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Londongirl
Activist
Member # 18235

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Londongirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I would suggest that you contact an organisation such as a women's centre or a rape helpline. These organisations would be able to advise about many issues, such as you where you can get counselling and advice in your country, how the police can help, your rights, how to find a support group. It is likely to be easier to deal with issues from the past and the current issues with your ex-boyfriend if you can get some support for yourself.

Regarding your ex, the title of this thread really says it all - you are afraid of him, so meeting him doesn't seem like a good option. He sounds like a controlling and manipulative character. If you are afraid for your safety, you do need to tell the police.

------------------
Londongirl
Thirtysomething and not actually counting
Who the **** is Londongirl?


Posts: 352 | From: UK | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks,

Ok i am going to call one of those lines. I wont go and meet him. If i tell the police what he is doing, will they tell him i did that straight away or do they need to wait untill he comes near me again? Because if they just tell him i told, im scared he will flip out.


Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Londongirl
Activist
Member # 18235

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Londongirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm not sure exactly what police procedures would be, but they would act with your safety in mind. It would depend on the course of action I think - if he was being charged with an offence, then obviously he would know you reported it. But you do have rights as a victim of crime, and I don't think its likely the police can press charges if you decide you don't want to do that.

Sorry I can't be more specific, a helpline or women's centre would be able to give you information about what to expect from the police in your country, so I really recommend that you contact one. Do you know of a suitable organisation in your country that you could contact?

------------------
Londongirl
Thirtysomething and not actually counting
Who the **** is Londongirl?


Posts: 352 | From: UK | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am not sure, but i am going to call the womans helpline and see if they can help me. If they dont i guess they will know the right person to tell? I really want to tell someone first who can come with me to the police. Im in high school (almost finished though ) But maybe I could ask the school counsellor for help, do you think that would be ok? It's just i dont want to go alone. And also, will they tell my parents? And i really dont want to hurt his family too, they have gone thru enough with him.
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Londongirl
Activist
Member # 18235

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Londongirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Calling the women's helpline sounds like a great idea - as you say, if they don't know the answers to some of your questions, you can ask them who would.

And the school counsellor is there for just this kind of problem. I am not familiar with school procedures, but I doubt very much the counsellor would tell your parents unless you wanted them to. If you are worried about confidentiality, ask the counsellor when they would have to disclose information before you start. There are a few circumstances in which counsellors have to disclose things, e.g. if a client said they were going to hurt someone, but generally confidentiality is taken very seriously, so I expect you will find that your privacy will be respected .

See also my post in your other thread at http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum13/HTML/000314.html
------------------
Londongirl
Thirtysomething and not actually counting
Who the **** is Londongirl?

[This message has been edited by Londongirl (edited 10-01-2004).]


Posts: 352 | From: UK | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3