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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » why am I so dependent on people? (and what can I do about it?)

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Author Topic: why am I so dependent on people? (and what can I do about it?)
weakend
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Member # 18655

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for some reason it seems like I can't live without having my friends around for just one second. I do go out and do stuff with friends, and I have tons of fun. but for example, last night I had loads of fun with a friend, but today I feel alone and desperate already.

what's wrong with me?


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Celtic Daisy
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Maybe you should think of the time you have by yourself as time for yourself. Why do you feel depressed when you're alone? What do you do? How do you keep yourself occupied?

As an 19 year old student, living at home and surrounded by brothers, a niece, a sister in law and my parents, a little alone time is extremely refreshing.

I think of it as my little break. I like to turn up the tunes and dance around when I get some time alone, or get out a good book I'd forgotten about. Sometimes I take out a recipe book and try out some new dishes. A good bike ride is great for me too. Or if I'm feeling lazy I'll throw an old favourite into my vcr and relax on my bed.

It could be your just need to find something to keep you occupied. Sitting around and thinking about what you could be doing isn't going to get you anywhere. Try to think of yourself as more independent and see if you make any progress.

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Consciously Naive

Erin Jane
~Scarleteen Advocate~


Posts: 1747 | From: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
weakend
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hmmmm that's strange...I have TONS of stuff I want to be doing (on my own) but I'm rarely motivated enough.

actually, now that I think about it, everything I want to be doing I'd rather be doing *with* somebody, and I kind of need them to keep me motivated anyway.
I kind of get the feeling though that everybody I know is kind of lazy and unmotivated too.


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JamsessionVT
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It's funny, I cannot stand being with people for too long. Large crowds annoy me, and if I do things with friends, it's usually only a couple people, since I feel like I can never get a word in edgewise in large gatherings...

It seems you are very extroverted, meaning you like being around people, are a social "butterfly" (hey, that's a cool thing) and like talking to people. That all swell and good until you get by yourself.

This will indefinetly sound corny, but try a bit of "self discovery" time. When you are alone, try a few of the quiz sites online...here are a couple good ones:

Emode/Tickel Network

iVillage

Quiz Me-Pointless Personality Quizzes

I've been on all of them, and most of the quizzes are really fun to take, not to mention a way to get a good laugh. (Especially the last one: on the "What's your DJ name? quiz, if I were I DJ, I'd be spinnin' sounds as "DJ Postal Cheese" so there ya go...)

If that doesn't float your boat, try some other things. Play with your hair in front of a mirror, take a bike ride somewhere, rent a good movie, or anything that'll take your mind off being alone. You may discover it ain't so bad after all!

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Good luck! :)
-Jam

"We're not stupid, we're just not smart"


Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Londongirl
Activist
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Hi Weakend

Jamsession may have a point with the DJ name one, I tried it in a bored moment and it is certainly good for a laugh........and if you put the same name in more than once it will keep giving you vaariations on the theme!!!

On a more serious note, do try the things that have been suggested, because even if you don't feel like it to start with you may find that you get more interested once you make a start. I get unmotivated and/or down sometimes, and sometimes a bit of effort to start doing something can pull me out of it.

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Londongirl
Mature Student in Psychology(About to graduate - what do I do now??) Read about me here


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weakend
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Member # 18655

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no I hate being in large groups/crowds too. I feel the same way...it just makes me nervous and annoyed. and those online personality tests always put me a little on the introverted side. but still I crave to have a friend around me all the time
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JamsessionVT
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If you've tried the things we have suggested, and still not found a "cure" yet, than there's really not much that anyone else can do to try to help. Since this isn't a disease or something that can be "cured" in the very literal sense of the word, it is very much up to you to open up your mind to doing things by yourself.

You have to remember that, (and I don't want to sound harsh, so if it does, it is certainly not intentional) you will not be able to spend every waking moment of you life with friends and family. There are going to many times when you are alone...with that in mind, it'd be a good idea to get used to being alone, since you will not always have people around you 24/7.

I have one last suggestion: do you have a dog, horse, or other social animal? If you do, try spending some more time with them. In many ways, dogs, horses and other more social animals can be just as good as their human counterparts, and may even provide some other ways to keep you company. If you don't, you might consider adopting a small dog, or buying or adopting a puppy from a litter of dogs a neighbor or friend had (or some random person, the wanted ads in te newspaper are good for that)

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Good luck! :)
-Jam

"We're not stupid, we're just not smart"


Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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