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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Bisexual? To Be or Not to Be

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Author Topic: Bisexual? To Be or Not to Be
manas
Neophyte
Member # 18246

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I will try to short this post as much a possible.
I'm 28 and my Bf 26.
After almost 4 years of relationship; I came to know few months back that He was Bi.
While been all heat up...He was telling me how much He likes to be touched in his A**.
How much He likes when I touch him there.
I Told him well I won't mind If you ever have intercourse with another Guy...If that pleases him. (I don't mind)
And He replied "really?"...So He told me he had this experiance when he was 16, then like when he was 20 and again when he was like 22...
I was little shock, cos I didn't know He really liked it; but I didn't make a big fuzz about it; Cos that it's his past rite? We all have a past and I consider those things should not be mingle with a present relation.
Today while talking...I asked him out of the blue:
"Can you tell me something honestly"?
He said: Shoot!
I asked: "When was the last time you had intercourse with a man"? He told me:
Promise not to be mad? Please...
It's been 4 days.
I was so shock, but didn't tremble.
He told me Ever since my last experiance, I've been doing every 2 to 3 months; but I was afraid If I tell you, you will leave me and I love you a lot.
I just couldn't talk...felt so upset.
When I told him, I have to Go and I cannot talk to you ever again.
He told me that He loves me and why am I leaving him? when He told me the Truth and maybe He should have keep with the lie, cos now I was leaving him and he couldn't take it.
I told him is not the fact of been with another guy; It's the Lie.
For 4 years He was having intercourse with other people; I mean I cannot control Life or people like puppets; I accepted him knowing this side of him, Becasue in Life either you Accept or Move on.
I accepted cos I loved him...still Do.
I haven't talk to me; but I asked him to leave me alone...i will cut phone and emails..all sort of commu.with him.
He asked me not to do that.
He said If he is hurting me, he will never bother me again.
But the damage it's done already rite?
I cannot complain sexualy. (relation is excellent)
How can I build Trust back on Him?
I left him cos I was upset but yet not sure If I should Move on or Not,
Please Advice...this time i ran out of ideas.

Posts: 4 | From: Fairfax, Va | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Bisexuality does NOT mean or require dishonesty or nonmonogamy.

Think about it this way: if you're heterosexual, that means you can be attracted to any number of men, it doesn't comel you to have to sleep with all or any of them. same thing goes with any and every other orientation.

In short, bisexuality has little to nothing to do with ANYTHING here, and if your partner is saying it does, he's trying to ease his way out of really, really poor behaviour. (Bisexuality also has nothing to do with liking anal stimulation: plenty of men who have male partners don't enjoy that at all -- your anus doesn't know the gender of whose fingers are there, after all.)

Someone who'll lie to you for four years isn't someone you can trust, period. Especially since during those four years, he was not only breaking your trust, he was likely putting you at extra sexual risks without even respecting you enough to make sure you'd consented to those (note: if you haven't had STI screenings yet, get started now -- one of the greatest risks groups for STIs are women partnered with men who sleep with men secretly). That's really not someone to stick around with, no matter what feelings you have for them.

So frankly? I'd suggest you move on, hard as it is. maybe over time, he can build up trust with you again as a platonic friend, but I wouldn't enter into anything more than that with him for a long, long time, if at all.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
manas
Neophyte
Member # 18246

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Thanks for your support.
Lucky enough, I always used Condoms in 4 years; always afraid to become pregnant before I wanted it.
So that part doesn't worry me at all.
A broken Heart is what I have, but I guess I have no other choice but to stand up from the ground, remove the dust and keep on Moving.

Thanks and God Bless you!

------------------
"To Catch up a Rainbow..you have to put up with the Rain..."


Posts: 4 | From: Fairfax, Va | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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If you don't get annual screenings, you do still need to do that: two of the most prevalent STIs -- herpes and HPV -- are often transmitted even with condom use, and if you had things like unprotected oral sex, you still had risks of all STIs. So, no nag, just be sure you're taking care of yourself in that regard.

It's certainly understable that your heart is broken: that sort of betrayal is huge and takes a good deal of time to deal with. But it's easier to heal with self-respect and self-love intact, so it sounds like the good moving is a good place for you to go.

Good luck.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Candystriped
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Member # 18286

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male or female....he's cheated as simple as that! It depends now on whether your willing to forgive! But then if he's done it once whats to say once he gets you back he won't play the same game again x good luck
Posts: 12 | From: Portsmouth, England, UK!!!! | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Olive
Activist
Member # 8964

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Yeah, That is not just a little sexual secret, that is cheating and lying. I don't know how forgiving you are but that would definitly be someone you cannot trust. I'm assuming you trusted him before, that is very disrespectful to you.
Posts: 338 | From: Livermore, CA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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