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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » What I look NOT for in a partner

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Author Topic: What I look NOT for in a partner
bubblex
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does anyone else have a set of guidelines they tend to go by when seeking potential partners? I have a rather partisan one

They shall not be:
Republican
Conservative
Pro-life
Someone who aspires to be in the military
Homophobic
Racist
Devoutly religious

They must be:
self proclaimed feminists



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LittleOneUSN
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I really don't have a set of guideline's. However looking at yours it makes me wonder if I actually should.

Why do you not want to date someone who aspires to be in the military. Just wondering if you are afraid of losing that person or something?


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Anita18
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I should have kept that in mind before I started dating an international relations major. :P He's studying abroad for half a year soon and he's thinking of going to graduate school in China. Sooooo far away for such a loooooooong time!

Hmmm, don't really have any negative guidelines. Although really competitive, in-your-face, cocky guys really turn me off...


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Heather
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(Not to split hairs, but since there's no feminist accreditation committee or anything, and no one gets to be an ordained feminist, I think pretty much any feminist is self-proclaimed, eh?)
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wobblyheadedjane
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I've never really had any criteria, negative or positive, and the people I've dated/been attracted to have been all over the map.

I understand that having lists help people realize what it is they will or won't stand for in a relationship; in that case, I certainly won't stand for someone who is abusive, someone who cheats, or someone who lies regularly. But that would apply to all my relationships, not just my romantic ones.

As for your list, I'm just wondering if you're basing this on examples of extreme conservatives/religious fundamentalists/military? Because I think you're cutting rather large portions of society based solely on the fact that they might belong to a group that has a number of noisy, unsavoury representatives in the media. I know plenty of perfectly sane people who belong to the Canadian equivalent of Republican party, who are Christian, and are in the military. I'm about as liberal as they come in my group of friends, and I nearly joined the army a few years back. I genuinely wish to know if you apply those criteria all across the board, or only to the most extreme factions of each of them?


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CorsetFetish
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That they not be overly judgemental of me or anyone else.

~Corset~


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Gumdrop Girl
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I'll date liberal or conservative. But I do expect him to respect MY conservative leanings. Do I expect agreement? no. I just find that excluding an entire political branch to be really closed-minded since you wind up blocking out any other opinions other than your own. In cases like that, when do you ever hear anything new or different? But whatever, you get to choose your partners. To each their own.

As for straight up exclusion criteria?

  • Thou shalt not be an idiot.
  • Thou shalt have an opinion and be able to articulate it in a discussion.
  • Thou shalt not be unclean.
  • Thou shalt not disrespect the Simpsons (any its spin-offs like Futurama)
  • Thou shalt not disrespect Radiohead and other associated musical deities
  • Thou shalt not be on some self-righteous dietary plan
  • Thou shalt not drive one of those damned rice rockets
  • Thou shalt not bitch about how expensive it is to date me ('cause it ain't expensive -- I'm a pretty good bargain, actually)
  • Thou shalt not be on illicit drugs. EVER.
  • Thou shalt not disrespect the meaning of NO

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  • AJ
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    Mine would simply be:
    Respect!
    Committment!
    Looks!
    Personality!
    Intelligence!
    Aspiration!


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    15_F_TranceIsGood
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    wow i obviously have no real standards when it comes to relationships. My relationship at the moment consists of a horny sex drived 15 yr old boy who has a major drug addiction, exspecially to pot, extacy, ice and soon enough crack. While being addicted also to trance music and drug raves hes most definately not into commitment. Why do i like him? no clue maybe bcoz hes kindof sweet, something different, horny as i am oh and pretty sexy. Meh what can you do.
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    jeangenie
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    I don't really go out looking for it... but i do have a type. I base attraction on chemistry. If I don't want to sleep with someone with an hour of meeting someone I probably won't. I don't care too much about looks, it's just a vibe i get off of them. They tend to be- Confident almost arrogent, broody, emotionally strong, lots of baggage, honor, and above all else CLASS. I will not date someone with no class. It's my biggest pet peeve. I like my men old fashioned masculine like Clark Gable in Gone with the Wind or Marlon Brando in Streetcar Named Desire... yum..
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    killer_raincoat
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    i don't know, i date who i like. its not criteria, if i fall in love with a dirty strongly political and religious beer drinker, then i've got my work cut out for me, but c'est la vie.

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    "Everybody thinks i'm such a horrible person, but i have the heart of a little boy. In a jar. On my desk." -Stephen King


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    Gumdrop Girl
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    bzzt folks, the ponit of this thread to lay out the things you will NOT tolerate in a partner.

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    gubblebum
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    They will not:
    Have a pierced tongue, mouth, or lip
    Be in the military
    Do drugs
    Smoke

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    Faeryprinces
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    I will not tolerate a partner who:

    -Is a complete ass/idiot
    -Doesnt have a mind of his own
    -Doesn't have a *life* of his own without me
    -Cannot think for himself
    -Does any drug beyond drinking (with that, someone who drinks excessively)
    -Will not let me have my own life outside of him and our relationship
    -Is controlling or abusive
    -Cheats and/or lies
    -Is a complainer, (someone who begs/complains in a little 5 year old voice)
    -Smokes cigs outside of taking *one* when they've been drinking
    -Cannot speak for themselves or stand up for themselves (They've got to have an opinion...and be able to argue, I'm big on debate, haha)
    -Cannot go without partnered sex for a day or week or couple weeks...maybe month if we havent seen each other
    -Is not intelligent and doesnt try at school or to better themselves in general
    -Does not have ambitions
    -Listens to Rap/hip-hop/R&B/electronica/trance anything of the like (I'm a rocker, I'm a musician...i cant stand any type of music that doesnt use *real* classic instruments )
    -Does not have respect for my parents and family
    -**Does not have respect for me**

    ....I think thats about it

    [This message has been edited by Faeryprinces (edited 04-25-2004).]


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    mique
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    In response to the first one, pretty good list, but remember, pro-choice people (like myself) are pro-life also. Is there anyone who is anti-life? It's the anti-choicers who you should be worried about [Wink]
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    DK
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    I guess I don't have any criteria, but some of these sound good to have, but really, most important for me is to be with a girl who although maybe doesn't necessarily like, at least respects my family, they're my closest friends (i'm the youngest with two brothers and a sister) if you can't give them and my parents respect, then you're distrespecting me as well.
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    bellaitaliana69
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    My criteria :
    -Must be intelligent, competant and articulate
    -Must be outgoing and laid-back
    -Must have the maturity to respect my feelings and take the relationship seriously.
    -Must not smoke or use any illicit drugs
    -Must be able to appreciate fine literature and theatre
    -Must have an impeccable sense of humor

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    A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

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    Jen-a-viva
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    -Must not try to change who I am, or put me on a pedestal
    -Must have enough self-respect to not be constantly whining about problems within his control
    -Must have thought about his reasons for choosing a particular political view, and be able to tell me
    -Must be as much fun mentally as physically.

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    PenguinBoy
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    I don't have a specific not list, and i it's probable that if u create a criteria, it'll be impossible to find someone to meet ALLL of them

    Turn-offs:

    *closed minded, judgemental, without trying to understand other people.
    *assuming,
    *inability to change mind - (not saying they should agree with me btw! just that they should have the ability to rethink themselves, in order to grow, rather than stagnate,"
    *is depressed (It's really hard to make this decision, but it's really important that someone makes me happy. I want to be someone who SAVES, but it's not good for me. I rarely make the right decision on this rule.)
    *too embarrassed to talk about important things ie sex & relationships - another thing that doesn't actually turn me off, but it just doesn't work in the long term.
    *bully
    *bitch
    *never opens up, because you never can know where you stand, or how to fix situations.
    *can't laugh at themselves
    *doesn't like me nothing to worry about really, No need to avoid these people, because they'll avoid me!

    "Turn on"s (maybe slightly off topic, because I don't necessarily dislike people who don't meet this, but those who do will drive me CRAZY)

    * Individual
    * Independent
    * Gets things wrong
    * High sex drive
    * Happy
    * Caring

    [ 11-02-2006, 11:30 AM: Message edited by: PenguinBoy ]

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    Wise Janet Weiss
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    Turn offs:

    ---People who think about nothing but themselves.

    ---Can't take a joke

    ---Isn't intelligent

    ---Puts a tona gel in his hair

    ---Knows when not to joke about something

    ---Doesn't take drugs

    ---Knows when to leave me alone

    ---Must not try to change me

    ---Can't stand up to his family (like ex, "she's not good for you", etc)

    ---Doesn't have hygene habits.

    ---He'll respect the word NO.

    ---Believes in the "Woman Stays In The Kitchen", thing. [Roll Eyes]

    [ 11-02-2006, 01:00 PM: Message edited by: Tuxy ]

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    PenguinBoy
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    OOO you reminded me, when you said gel!

    MAKE-UP, girls with piles and piles of make-up, i can't really work out what to do with them, it's like they protect their make-up so much, any smudge is a tragedy, and i don't wanna get to near incase i get the powdery stuff all over me! And i bet u'd have to line up really carefully to kiss so you don't smudge their carefully painted skin. It makes me feel as if their skin can't breathe, which makes me feel the same.

    Oh tux, [Frown] i just can't stand up to my family at all [Frown] !

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    Wise Janet Weiss
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    I know this isn't a chat place, but what I'm gonna say isn't chatty.(& going off subject)

    Standing up to your family takes alota work/courage. Since their the only thing you can't replace.

    and a few more Turn Offs:

    ---Guys who can't keep their hands off of porn for two days.

    ---Sex is the only important thing in the relastionship.

    ---Lies to my face

    & "Plays" around with other girls, just to see me fume.

    [ 11-02-2006, 02:32 PM: Message edited by: Tuxy ]

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    summergoddess
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    well, i used to have a type back in elementary and in highschool (though that weaned off towards my senior years) and I have been through a few different kinds of guys. Now, I am now married to my husband that I had been dating for the last five years.

    However, my turn offs in general are:
    --doing drugs
    --lying
    --cheating
    --having no respect in me or of other people around

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