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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Is it jealousy?

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Author Topic: Is it jealousy?
mm_mm_good
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My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost two years now. We love each other a lot and we are very close.. However, lately he's stopped going out with his older friends and now is going out with other, older guys. There is one particularily, who he is becoming very close to. This guy brings my boyfriend out to a lot of parties where there is alcohol and drugs. Although this new friend of his is quite a nice guy, I don't trust him at all. I don't want him bringing my boyfriend to these people. I really don't want to see my boyfriend getting back into the whole alcohol & drugs thing, which had taken so long to quit. I understand that he needs a social life, but I don't trust this guy at all and i'm worried. Anytime my boyfriend is with him, I feel like I'm jealous, but I know I'm worried as well. I don't know if it's just jealousy that maybe my boyfriend's spending more time with his new friend or something. I know that this is kind of immature, but I can't help but get upset. I feel like my boyfriend disses me a lot now for his new found buddy. Although he denies it, it really feels like it. Anytime he's with his new friend, I can't seem to talk to him. He won't call me, and even when I'm upset, he doesn't other to address it. It seems like nothing to him, like he does't care. Yet when it's just us together, he pays full attention to me. Whenever I bring something like this up, he tells me how much he loves me. And when we really fight about this, he gets extremely emotional and upset that I don't believe him, or that I could even be feeling this way. I do know he loves me.. but it doesn't feel right. How do I go about this?

[This message has been edited by mm_mm_good (edited 02-02-2004).]


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Heather
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Is he using again?

I ask because some of the behaviours you've described sound a lot like those of people who are.


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george4888
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Am I dreaming or are you gay? I'm straight, but your "problems" are all inside you head. I am not talking about being gay. No comment on that part. But, you are too emotional and I think you need to move on to some other buddy friend that will treat you the way you want to be treated. It doesn't matter if you are straight or gay, people should respect others and treat each other right. It sounds to me that you need to let this losser get lost. Good luck finding a new buddy. Just don't call me. Sorry. You sound like a good person. Look for the same. --George
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BruinDan
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quote:
Originally posted by george4888:
Good luck finding a new buddy. Just don't call me.

Behave yourself.

------------------
BruinDan, "Not Quite Morrissey," PHOM

¡Siendo padrote no es cil!


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mm_mm_good
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"Am I dreaming or are you gay? I'm straight, but your "problems" are all inside you head. I am not talking about being gay. No comment on that part."

"It doesn't matter if you are straight or gay, people should respect others and treat each other right."

What is all this talk about being gay? It had nothing to do with my question? I never said I think my boyfriend is gay.


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Olive
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okay, it may seem to you, George, that it would be easy to get over a guy. Two years is a lot to put into one person, and those 2 years you don't want to take back, you want to move forward. Yeah, it may get to the point where you may have to break up with your boyfriend, but you really need to talk problems out; ignoring them is not going to help at all.

He may not be doing anything wrong, I've been falsely accused myself, and it hurts. But I'd really hope he wouldn't hide anything from you.

I've been with my boyfriend for a year, he has never lied to me. He has told me some pretty painful things to hear, thats how I know. When you don't discuss your problems you will be hurting yourself and your partner; but if you discuss them, at least they're out in the open where they're no longer lies.

In conclusion, don't give up on him so easily, tell him you don't like him going to places with this new friend and not answering your calls. If he doesn't give you a change then you will know where it's leading and what you'll have to do. Follow your heart.


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Kieodo
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Wow, this sounds kind of like something I've experience before, and my deepest encouragement for toughing this out so far goes out! As for the question of your topic, "Am I jealous?" doesn't really seem to be a problem. I would be jealous too if my boyfriend started hanging around with people more than me, and in your case, when you're down, not trying to perk you up.

"And when we really fight about this, he gets extremely emotional and upset that I don't believe him, or that I could even be feeling this way."

While I think he may not see the problem, he may just be trying to deny it, or maybe he just feels like you don't trust him to be with someone that could lead to him potentially using again. He may get upset, but if you are truly concerned and he truly cared about you, he wouldn't just diss you. I've felt that same, "Oh, if I feel jealous and bring it up, he might say I'm going to ruin his social life" jazz, but if you really explain it full-out, which sometimes is hard, just see his reaction.

If you have discussed how uncomfortable you are before and he refuses to see it from your point, he's stubborn and I hate to say it, but he really doesn't seem to care about your opinion, it seems.

I would sit him down, tell him you need to just talk to him and that he needs to listen and can say something when you're done...although he might get annoyed or emotional, if he doesn't care in the end, he isn't going to be there for you if something really bad comes up.

Hope that made SOME sort of sense! I've gone through the same thing, and I made it! I hope the same luck to you!


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mm_mm_good
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Thank you for all the replies.

I have talked to my boyfriend about this before and each time he seems to try harder. I've talked to him just a couple of days ago and I think he knows how serious I am now about all of this. He always understood it was important, but I think he just never put as much of an effort into it as he has within the past little bit. Anyways, lately he has been trying and I can definitely tell. It's just that this is extremely difficult because I think he suffers from depression or something. He breaks down a lot and it's as if no one can cheer him up but me. He's become quite dependant on me. This is really hard and I am quite confused about what to do about the depression and that maybe tying into all our problems.. but I do know I want to support him, I want to be there for him and do anything I can to help him..


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