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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Not talking enough?

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Author Topic: Not talking enough?
Member # 15951

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Oftentimes I wonder if my bf and I are communicating enough. Well, we communicate our feelings to one another so there are no brooding misunderstandings between us, but I mean just conversational chitchat. I'm naturally a quiet introverted person and I'm always worrying about not being social enough when I'm around people. My bf is rather chatty and sociable, especially around his friends, but lately we haven't talked extensively just about stuff.

Are couples supposed to converse on a regular basis about the world around them? I've never had another relationship so I can't use my past relationships as gauges for communication level, but my bf assures me that friends are for "entertain only" and gfs are for "comfort and love," things which I think I give him lots of. We don't have a lot of things in common - he's into politics and technology and I'm into the natural sciences, and we usually don't have strong opinions on world issues so we can't have some friendly banter/debate on those. Well, besides the fact that he doesn't like debating with me because he was a debater in high school (and a darned good one) and I have no training in that arena, so he thinks he'll frustrate me.

I'm just afraid that this relationship won't last because my friend (who was middlewoman between my bf and I during the budding of our relationship) told me that she broke up with her first bf because "even though [she] loved him, [they] didn't have anything to talk about anymore." I do love him very much and I know him very well, and he knows me very well, but will our lack of everyday conversation stand in the way? (Or maybe I should stop spending so much time with him in the first place? )

Posts: 218 | From: CA | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3072

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Originally posted by Anita18:
Are couples supposed to converse on a regular basis about the world around them?

That's going to vary on the couple.

It all goes back to the "people are all different" adage, because what works for one person (or one couple) may not work with the next. There are couples who fill every waking hour with banter, and there are couples who exist in blissful silence much of the time.

Obviously, being able to communicate your wants and needs is a very important thing...I'd put that right up near the top in terms of things we need to be able to do in order to make a relationship last. But as for debating politics or talking about earthquakes (did ya feel it?), that isn't necessarily the be-all and end-all of a relationship.

I've seen couples act all sorts of ways when they're together. Some chirped back and forth endlessly, others exchanged shy smiles and tended not to chatter too much. My sweetie and I talk all the time, partly because I get all blustery when I see certain things on the news, and partly because we have many similar interests that we like to talk about. It works very well for us, and it's definitely far better than any of my previous relationships have been.

Your mileage may vary, but either way I wouldn't worry too much about what happened with your friend. Everyone likes different things, and it's entirely possible that there were other factors in their breakup that you aren't privy to. If what you've got going with your boyfriend is working for you, why not ride it out and enjoy it?

BruinDan, "Number Three," PHOM

¡Siendo padrote no es cil!

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Member # 12173

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hon, i think you're worrying a tad too much i think the main thing is that both of you feel comfortable with how your communication is, and honestly, your boyfriend sounds like he's really sweet. i am the talkative one, and i tend to flood my boyfriend with comments and stuff -- i'm the kind who has to shoot their mouth off about something :P while he can get more quiet and needs his space more. it's all about adapting, which i think you mentioned your boyfriend has done for you. talk to him about it, tell him how you feel, and explain your confusion and insecurity.
Posts: 31 | From: Singapore | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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