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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » hes 18 and my parents hate it

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Author Topic: hes 18 and my parents hate it
curemyheart
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Member # 15977

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My boyfriend Anthony, who was first my brothers friend, and who i have known for about five years, is eighteen years old. I am 14. So yes, i know it is illegal to do any sexual activity with him, but thats besides the point because its illegal for a minor to have sex with anyone in the first place.

Anyway, We have been in a commited relationship for about five months, and love eachother very much.

From the very beginning, when i started liking him (around may)I thought my parents would never agree to me dating someone four years older than me. My dad actualy hadnt, he thought he was too old. My mom said it would be okay, he also wasnt turning 18 until august. They said that we could see eachother as friends and get to know eachother, then if i was still interested in him we could date when i started highschool. So of course i was stoked and we went for that because i was going to be able to see him. It was really lame though because we were already more than friends, i mean we liked eachother! So we hung out a few times, and then my parents decided that we were 'being more than friends' and said that they didnt want me seeing him anymore.

SO i was absolutely pissed off. And on top of all this they practically called me a whore because i gave guys the impression im available for sex (im a virgin) and they didnt understand why i wanted a boyfriend so much, and theres something wrong with an 18 year old wanted to date a 14 year old. Yeah maybe there is something wrong with some of the 18 year old wanted to date younger girls, because they take advantage of them and such, but like i said, ive known anthony for a long time, and so has my brother kareem, and he is a good hearted, good intentioned guy, who i highly doubt would use me. So i was pissed off for a while, and then who knows what changed my parents mind but they said i could see him again, and even date him! I think the reason was, is that they didnt want me sneaking around, so they would rather allow it, then catch me doing something i wasnt suppose to be doing. So we started going out on August 1st, and this didnt make my mom happy because she thought we were rushing things and wanted us to go VERY slow, for whatever reason. Because i believe whatever the right pace is, is the right pace for anthony and i, not for my parents. Okay well, we were fine and dating and such, he was over a lot, and we were always together. All day until 10 pm when we had to go home. This just got to be too much for my parents and one day, on October 31st, they "exploded" and said you cant see anthony anymore and hes too old and he needs serious help and blah blah blah. So i cried for about two days straight, and so did my boyfriend. Then about a week later, my parents wanted to comprimise or something, and said that we could see eachother, just much less, because we had been getting way to initimate and my mom could 'tell' that we were 'sexually active'. So, we started hanging out again and stopped laying on my bed, or even going into my room, and only spent time together about twice a week, and at school. SO everything was really good, until my brother came to visit from college and my friend tatiana fell for him. They started chatting online and really got into eachother. Then my parents found out, because i kinda told them a little bit about it not really thinking much of it, and they went crazy, and they couldnt believe their 19 year old son would do such a thing or whatever, because it is terribly wrong in their eyes. So they decided a couple days ago, that if it isnt okay for my brother to be with a 14 year old, its not okay for anthony either. So we cant be together again. The only time we can see eachother is at school.

So yeah, for the reasons my parents think its so wrong....
*They think there's too much life experience
*Im too young to have a relationship
*They dont want me being sexualy active
*Society doesnt agree with it

So what im wondering is...What does the life experience do to me? Yeah i know there's more life experience...but so? I was handling our relationship just fine.

If im too young, then why would my parents let me date a guy when i was 13? (Just because he was 13 too?)

Then, if im sexualy active, its only effecting me...everyones has to make the choice of whenever they want to have sex or not, and when...i havnt made that choice yet, and i could have sex with a 14 year old just as good as with an 18 year old.

Society doesnt agree with a lot of things

So what im wondering is...how do i deal with this? My parents want me to break up with him obviously. But i dont want to..and they say i can date when im 16, and when my mom was that age she was hanging out around 21 year old guys that were all out of highschool. So anyway...i dont really feel like in a year and a half im going to be that much more 'stable' in having a relationship. But anyway, i dont understand why they get to decide if im ready for a relationship or not.

Please give me some advice, and is there anything i can do to be with my boyfriend? Without having a bad relationship with my parents?


Posts: 90 | From: Under the California Sun | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Chise
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Member # 9647

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It sounds like your parents are very controlling and care about you a lot. They probably see you as their little baby and that they are just protecting you from the world. I think you should sit down and try to explain that you're responsible and that your boyfriend is responsible and that the relationship your in is healthy. I hope this helps.
Posts: 9 | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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