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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My gf's ex's

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Author Topic: My gf's ex's
Darkness
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Ok, I dont consider myself a jelous person. My gf has told me about her ex's, 5 of them keep contant with her every now and then, either thru phone, email... 3 visit her every now and then, even bringing her presents and stuff. I know for sure 2 of those 3 guys want to get back with her, she tells me they are all just friends. I trust her, but I dont like these guys trying to get with my gf, that is what might irritate me. Ive told my gf about my feelings and she just gets pissed, because theres nothing I should worry about. I know friendships can lead to intimate relationships... but can intimate relationships go back to friendships? is it healthy for 1 or both people in a relationship to keep in touch with ex's?

[This message has been edited by Darkness (edited 12-18-2003).]


Posts: 48 | From: CaLiFoRnIa !!! | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lucylu458
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hey!
to me, it is ok that ur gf still corresponds with her ex's as friends. it's not like they're going out on dates or anything. i wouldnt obsess about it or she'll definitly get pissed. It is a good idea to relax about the whole thing and if you actually SEE her with one of her ex's "doing stuff", like kissing, then there's a problem. try to think of them as close friends to her and that you ar the only one that she loves. hope this helped a lot.
~Lucylu~


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Darkness
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Thanks, you dont know how much that helped me relax on the issue, this isnt something that I fealt overnight, it has grown into this over the past year... thanks for the advice, much apreciated
Posts: 48 | From: CaLiFoRnIa !!! | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Darkness
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Oh, but the one that set it off for me is her best friend ex, he was her best-friend, she was going out with this other guy, and she would talk to him about everything about her bf and the relationship, she then broke up with the guy she was with, and they though they were such good friends they should be bf and gf... it laster for a few months, and they went back to being friends, the guy went out to iraq and she then met me... we have been together for a year... she sends him gifts + when he came over, they went out for lunch, and he calls her every now and then. Would it be normal for me to feel irritated about this guy?

[This message has been edited by Darkness (edited 12-18-2003).]


Posts: 48 | From: CaLiFoRnIa !!! | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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quote:
Originally posted by Darkness:
Would it be normal for me to feel irritated about this guy?

Well gee, I dunno. Losing a close friend (and former fling) to Iraq and then getting him back is certainly cause for celebration, no?

Look, let's make this simple. This is your relationship, and the two of you are going to have to hammer out some sort of agreement. Jealousy festers, it breaks things down, and it causes all sorts of strain when it rears its ugly head. The way to counter that jealousy is by communicating. Having conversations about things like this with her would be a good start.

Whether it's normal or appropriate or common is really all hogwash here, because knowing any of that fluff is not going to make your relationship with your girlfriend any more solid. If you feel threatened, you need to tell her so. If she continues to disregard your feelings and spends more time with these guys than you feel is appropriate, you need to leave.

But letting things like this get to you and doing nothing about them cannot be an option. It will turn you into an emotional wreck, and by the time you realize how far you've gone it'll be too late to right the sinking ship.

Talk to her about all of this, and don't leave anything out. You can be brutally honest about how you feel, and let her know how much she means to you and how worried you are that she'll abandon you for one of her many suitors. If she seems not to care, you'll have your answer. If she is willing to work with you to strenghten the relationship, you'll both have benefited. See how that works?

------------------
BruinDan, "Number Three," PHOM

¡Siendo padrote no es cil!


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