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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » room mate drama

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Author Topic: room mate drama
trouble
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Member # 15764

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Ok this is a subject that I really need some answers on. I have three room mates Mary, Beth and Jill. Jill and Mary were really good friends and Beth and I were really good friends and that's why we share rooms with our bestfriends. We're juniors in college and this is our first time living together yet we all have been friends throughout our three years. Anyways Jill and I started hanging out once we move in and now she and I are really close. Beth doesn't mind because she spends all her time with her boyfriend, but Mary HATES it. Jill and I try to include her in everything we do but Mary just gets mad. The funny thing is that between Mary and Jill, I was always better friends with Mary. Mary even was the one who invited me to room with them. She even tells me that I'm really her bestfriend. But to make a long story short, Mary has been talking a lot of smack about Jill and I. Really bad stuff. She talks about Jill to me and me to Jill. It's so childish. I want to confront her but I don't want to put Jill or Beth in an awkward position. But my firendship with Jill is really showing an ugly side to Mary. So ugly that we all want her to move out. What do you think we should do? I'm aware that she's threatened of our friendship but Beth doesn't act at all like Mary. What do you think?
Posts: 3 | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cassiggity
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Member # 15946

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This is a really common problem when you have three people. Two people will make a close connection and leave the other one feeling like the third wheel.

People tend to cut others down to make themselves feel better. That's not news. I had a friend who did something similar, except that if I agreed with her on any point ("Yeah, Renee's shirt wasn't my favorite color") she'd run back and tell Renee I was insulting her. Which is - you said it! - childish.

If you all really want her to move out and it's settled, then your only problem is breaking it to her gently. But I think it may be a good idea to sit down with her and tell her that she is being very negative and that's it's making you uncomfortable.

(There's a cheesy technique that Psychologists call the "I-Message" which is when you tell someone "I feel ____ when you _____.")

Ask her why she feels like she has to be so negative and bash everyone all the time. She may not realize that she's doing it so much - she is probably upset that she is the "third wheel" and wants to "convince" you that Jill is lame so that you spend more time with her.

She may try to make an effort to act more civilly, or she may not. If her behavior doesn't change, and it is still upsetting to the rest of your housemates, then you should tell her you gave her a chance, but you are all still unhappy with her living with you, and tell her you want her to move out.


Posts: 40 | From: RI | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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