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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » ex boyfriend

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Author Topic: ex boyfriend
Heder
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Member # 3532

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For the past, oh, 9 months i've been trying to handle an ex boyfriend of mine. let's call him bob. we dated briefly last september, and i ended it because i just wasn't interested. a couple months later we started hanging out again, being friends and such. he dated another girl and i dated another guy. but around march both our previous relationships ended, and i started getting suspicious. he would say things like - remember how we made out over there, or everyone thought you were stupid for breaking up with me, or kissing the back of my head at a concert. when a friend asked me if we were back together because he'd heard from things from bob about us getting back together.

so i confronted bob, by which i mean i emailed him and explained i wasn't interested. he replied all hurt and idnignant, like i was all wrong. he later admitted he had lied. we work at a summer camp, and so i ended up hooking up with another ex boyfriend. let's call him Fred. so fred and i started dating and it was all good. but bob didn't really like it. he in fact went so far as to say it made him physically ill to see us together. long story short, fred broke up with me because bob was his friend. i only found this out recently mind you.

so bob and i talk some. he tries to comfort me, but also makes me uncomfortable. like he asked me to let him kiss him because he said he thought about it most of his day, and he figured he needed to prove to himself it wasn't a big deal. i of course said no. he was also fond of telling me how many faults i had, and unlike fred, he liked me for them. that he didn't really understand why, and ppl thought he was stupid, but he understood me. it was also around that his best friend started hating me. let's call him joe. joe thought i was a skank and that i was hurting bob. several other members of staff tended to agree.

now let's fast forward. two weeks ago i told matt that i liked his friend kip. bob said i wasn't good enough. that i was too much stress and how self absorbed i am (he says that a lot). he later apologized. then said it again. then apologized. then made me feel bad because i'm apparently the only one that makes him happy. then i told him i'd had enough, because he made me feel like crap. so i was back to be self absorbed. then he apologized and asked me to come to the bar for his birthday to see our friend jack who's upset because his mum has cancer. so i went. and i ended up making out with bob's friend kip. a lot. it was really intense - lots of play fighting and kissing.

anyway, i guess i just want suggestions or advice or something. i feel quite lost.

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I think this boy's cheese slid off his cracker - The Green Mile


Posts: 49 | From: winnipeg,mb,canada | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KCallahan
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Sounds to me as though Bob has some serious possession issues. I wouldn't want that guy as my boyfriend, and wouldn't want him for my friend. He's using every trick in the book to make a claim on you.

Not only is he trying to remind you of what it was like when you were together, but he's also sabotaging your other relationships. Not just with those guys you're interested in, but also with you.

His descriptions of you are, at least I believe, meant to make you feel like you are only worthy of being with him because he wants you. Any time you try to enter a relationship, or express interest in someone else, he comes up with all sorts of reasons why you aren't good enough.

As for Kip... You could be genuinely interested in him, and if so, don't let Bob push you around. However, if you are just trying to prove to Bob that you're your own woman by making-out with Kip, then that's neither fair to Kip nor yourself.

My advice? Drop Bob. Stop talking to him. Ignore him completely. If he keeps coming after you, even with the the extreme cold shoulder, there are ways to get him to leave you alone. Including legal. And be sure you tell someone important to you what is going on, so there's someone else in case something happens. In a You vs. Him conflict, you'll want someone else to know what he's been up to.

Also, genuinely explore your relationship with Kip. Don't rush into something just because he's your first interest after your conflicts with Bob, but don't let your history with Bob prevent you from enjoying a relationship with Kip.

Hope this helps.


Posts: 50 | From: Austin, TX, USA | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heder
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Member # 3532

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thanks a lot. i appreciate the advice. although i don't know if i can totally get away from him, i'll see what i can do.

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I think this boy's cheese slid off his cracker - The Green Mile


Posts: 49 | From: winnipeg,mb,canada | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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