Yes, sadly, that is exactly what i am. And no i am not here to just vent on about my infedelity, but i do need help. I am torn between two people, well two men to be exact. One, my boyfriend, the other an ex that i never really went out with but we were "together". Well my boyfriend and i have had this long 10 month on and off relationship, and on on of our "offs" i was with the guy who is now my "ex". Well, our relationship is not really going anywhere and he is one of those guys that treats me like [shine-ola] around his friends, but it the most amazing person to me when we are alone. He is my first everything - if you catch my drift - and i love him with everything i have. He is a senior and is moving 1800 miles away once he graduates. Well, lately our relationship has been going down hil and we took a little break again, and then got back together and about two days later i cheated on him with my ex. Now my ex, is the most amazing man i have ever met. I would give up my boyfriend in a second to be back with him, but i just can't. See, the reason my ex and i broke up in the first place, was because my boyfriend wanted me back and of course, regretfully i took him. Now, i really would like to get back with my ex again, but i am too afraid the same thing will happen. I cannot hurt someone as great as him again. Not only that, but i do not want to miss everything i would if i were to break up with my boyfriend. I would miss winter formal, prom, his graduation, all of that with him and i dont think i would want to go or be with anyone else for any of that. So i am torn between what was great, and what could be great... any suggestions? (sorry so long, but you are all i have because i cannot not trust anyone in telling them that i cheated) Love you all, ~G~
------------------ ~I [flubbed]up then, but i am feeling it now~
[This message has been edited by BruinDan (edited 12-10-2003).]
First of all, while I appreciate your candor, you need to unfoul your language a bit. Your sig contains a word that, while quite common in everyday life, is not acceptable here. Please change it so we don't have to.
As for your predicament, I wish I had something better to tell you. The bottom line is that you've dug yourself a hole from which there is precious little room for escape. You've gone back to someone you don't want, and for reasons that are pretty baseless. In doing so, you've maneuvered yourself into a position where you're stuck with someone you really don't want, and this is doing nobody any favors.
Your first step is going to be to lay off the passivity. We need to step up and take charge at some point, and "regretfully" taking someone back is failing to take an active role in your own life. Nothing is more damaging than that, darlin'. Stand up tall and start doing what is right for you.
And for goodness sake, don't try and justify what you're doing by talking about how you don't want to hurt someone again...that's all guff. No matter how sincere you are, it comes across poorly, especially in light of the fact that you've already cheated on that person. Same goes for the prom, graduation, formal...all that stuff is pretty pedestrian in the grand scheme of things, right? A formal is no fun if the person you are going with behaves like a jackass, or treats you poorly in front of his friends. These are not reasons we stay with our mates. Good reasons include sharing a deep-seated sense of mutual respect and admiration, and having common goals with which to share.
Leave what "was" behind you, and go for something else. While I'd still harbor reservations that the other guy is a "could be," I certainly see no point in you sticking with someone you really don't want to be with. All it does is lead him on, which runs contrary to your stated goal of never hurting him again, right? Let him go, and take charge of your own life. You owe it to him just as much as you owe it to yourself.
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