Okay, I have recently been dating this guy for about 1 month. I like him and he really likes me, but its not enough. Any way before i started dating my boy friend(lets call him Joe) I had a major 2 year crush on another guy who also attends our high school( lets call him Mike). Mike and I constantly flirt with each other and there is such a strong attraction between us. When Joe and I began to fool around Mike got really jealous and stopped talking to me. I would catch him watching me in the halls or in class. Well now that I'm with Joe Mike's been coming on realy strong lately. He holds me when no one watches and kisses me on my weakest spots. I feel like I'm cheating on Joe but I'm at a point where I really wnat tobe with both Mike and Joe. I'm always open to hear what people think. So any advice would help.
quote:Originally posted by SexyUconnGurl21: but I'm at a point where I really wnat to be with both Mike and Joe.
Okay, but what about Tom Welling?
In all seriousness though, I think you're going to have to make a choice. It's all well and good to want two (or more) people, and it's certainly common enough to have crushes on more than one person at a time. But if you're going to pull off something of that nature, you're going to have to let them both know about it. And based upon Mike's previous reaction when he saw you with Joe, somehow I do not hold out high hopes that they'd agree to such an arrangement.
If you feel you'd rather be with Mike, by all means go for it. Let Joe know that you've had fun, but you'd rather go elsewhere, and leave it at that. On the other hand, if you somehow decide to stay with Joe, let Mike know that you're happy enough where you are and send him on his way. You're certainly free to decide who you want, but don't make the mistake of playing one against the other. Make your choice, let the other one go on his merry way, and be happy with who you've got. Best of luck to ya!
quote:Originally posted by crepe: how long d'u think you should think for before you can make a good decision??
Well, as I'm sure you know by now life is little more than trial and error. There are no guarantees that we'll make every decision perfectly, and in fact I've found that I learn the most from screwups I've made. So with that in mind, I'm not sure it's wise to wait a specific amount of time before coming to the "perfect" decision. It's just not reality.
However, neither does that mean you should rush into anything willy-nilly. Doing that is probably worse, because it can lead to all sorts of dangers later on when you realize you hadn't taken into account the consequences of your actions. That's no fun at all.
The idea is to be reasonable about it. Think about it, decide what would make you happiest, what would be best for you, and what the potential downfalls of that decision would be. And once you've done that, make your move and stick to it. There is no set amount of time here, it's basically a gut thing. On the one hand you can't wait too long because you'll tend to lose both your options that way, while on the other hand you can't just rush in and make the wrong choice.
It's a quandary, I know, but it's all going to come down to your gut feeling. If you feel that something is wrong, it probably is. If you never have little nagging doubts about something, it's probably fine. The human conscience can be a marvelous thing, once we know how to interpret it.
I think in such a case, the most important thing is to be entirely self-sufficient. By that I mean that it shouldn't matter if both of them decided that they feel cheated and decide never to see you again.
That way you are able to make an entirely rational decision on who really makes you happy more as opposed to a decision based on who will leave you sooner.
I don't know how it is with you and this particular relationship, but I used to find myself constantly subjected to factors such as which one is more dependable and which one has more time to spare hindering my judgement on which one actually truly makes me happy.
They all went away when I started realizing it didn't matter anyway. I'm fine on my own and if there's someone extra, thats great. if there are a few, that's even better.
I am in the exact same predicament you are... read my post -I Am A Cheater- and you will understand. It's as if i feel like i weren't born to be monogomous. One man, just does not satisfy me. Either that, or right when i find one, i find one better. Or the one i really like doesnt like me so i go out with the one i kind of like - then the other changes his mind at that exact moment. I've come to the conclusion that everything comes in twos. All you have to do is decide which you see a better future with. Do not make the wrong choice now, or you will regret it later. And don't cheat. Just trust me. Good luck with everything, and if you need to talk im me @ --psst...no contact info...thanks-- (aim). Love you ~G~
[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 12-10-2003).]
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.