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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » help im controlling

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Author Topic: help im controlling
Member # 13409

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Ok, ive been dating this guy for 14months now..i love him with all my heart, and we are actually going to get married. Im 18/f the thing is, im very jealous...I'm not sure why hes never done anything to make me jealous, im also very possesive of him, i dont want him hanging out with his friends, and i dont want him talking to other girls, because i want all his attention. I know its wrong, and i know i have a problem...But he also acts like this...It's been gettin us into alot of fights lately, and we both want to change our jealous habits. He's 17 and still in highschool (11th gr.) i graduated last year...the thing is...I duno what to do to change...I've never been like this with anyone else last boyfriend, i cared alot about and he cheated on me nearly broke me heart...i think maybe thats why? But i duno any advice open for anything im just afraid if something doesnt happen im going to lose him.
Posts: 46 | From: Long Beach, Mississippi, USA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kara Zor-El
Member # 14499

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Originally posted by SweetLiLSouthernThang:
I've never been like this with anyone else last boyfriend, i cared alot about and he cheated on me nearly broke me heart...i think maybe thats why?

That's exactly why and good for you for recognizing your change in attitude and wanting to fix it. You put your defenses up after your last boyfriend betrayed you -- now the hardest part is lowering those defenses enough to let someone else in and not be suspicious of their every move. You're scared of dropping your guard to the point where you're just as vulnerable and trusting and innocent as the time when you were hurt so badly, I know. I've been through it. A lot of us have been through it. Sadly, there is no sure-fire formula to make these feelings stop. The best thing would be to have a reasoned and rational communication with your boyfriend and explain to him all these things you've been feeling. Tell him that you know he's a different person than your last boyfriend but these things in your past have instilled certain fears in you. Only time and communication will make these things go away. Trust is not automatic, it needs to be built and earned -- just try to make it a little easier on the guy

Good luck,

"If you're going through Hell, keep going..."
- Winston Churchill

Posts: 123 | From: New York City | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15168

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I think maybe the problem is you are worried that this guy will cheat on you too. though he hasn't given you a reason but you still worry because you care for him alot. You need to let your boy go out and have some space because being too close to someone can be a problem. You will have lots of fights more than you are having now if you don't give him some space. If you trulely love him and you are meant to be he wont cheat on you and this relationship will be wonderful. hope I helped if you need anymore help email me at edited because our guidelines forbid posting email HOpe I helped thanks bye.

[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 10-22-2003).]

Posts: 30 | From: Trenton,GA U.S.A | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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