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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » how to just get over it!

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Author Topic: how to just get over it!
dipgirlflesh
Neophyte
Member # 12097

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ok in aug my bf of 10 months broke up w/ me. he was my first bf ever so of course i was totally heart broken and cried a long time. now i'm pretty much over it and i have a new bf who i like very much. the thing is i HATE my ex w/ a passion and i think b/c of that it'll be super hard for me to love my new bf.... ever. no i don't love my ex deep down but hate is sorta like love and i think until i can get over hating my ex i won't be able to love anyone else. also my ex gave the excuse for breaking up w/ me as "i stopped loving you" which is bull. the real fact is he was going away to college and didn't want to deal w/ a relationship, but rather than tell me that he just ripped my heart out. i try to talk to him about it in hopes that it'll give me some closure but everytime i bring up the fact he really hurt me he just leaves or changes the subject. so any advice would be great. thanks
Posts: 16 | From: St. Charles, MO, USA | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eep_a_mouse
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Member # 8796

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have you read my post question for all, its sort of along the lines of what youre saying.... but anyway, i have felt like that before and ended punishing my new bf for the way i felt about my ex. in the end we split up.
maybe you need some time alone to find yourself and love yourself again, its obvious youve been hurt but what you mustnt do is treat your new bf as if he is the same as your ex. you have to trust that he is not the same
its your ex's loss he will miss out on all the love and affection you can give to your new bf, try and realise although it hurts you are much better off now, if you didnt split with him you never would have found this new person.
hope this helps, love eep

Posts: 42 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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Member # 3072

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Just out of curiosity, what are you doing with a new boyfriend when the ghost of your ex-boyfriend still hovers around you?

I understand that you're "pretty much over it," but I certainly don't think it's fair to your current boyfriend that you've got half your mind focused his way and the other half focused on your evil ex. You are right that it is going to keep you from being the kind of girlfriend he wants and deserves, and I think you'd do best to take care of one thing at a time.

As for your options right now, there are really only two that I can see. You can call it off temporarily with your current boyfriend and try to find this "closure" that you're after with your ex...or you can give up completely on talking to your ex, let him live his own life while you live yours, and devote all that free time to your current boyfriend.

The choice is yours to make, but please don't lose sight of the fact that you've got a boyfriend in the mix right now. He's wound up being involved in this mess through no fault of his own, and it's very important that you keep that in mind while you're busy sorting things out with your ex. Good luck!

------------------
BruinDan, "Number Three," PHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.


Posts: 2727 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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