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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Where to go from here?

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Author Topic: Where to go from here?
Member # 10898

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I was with my boyfriend for almost 9 months and we had problems with our schedules and being on the same page as far as time was concerned. Before our serious relationship, about a year earlier, we tried getting together but I wasn't ready for anything. This time, it seemed to be working. I know we were really in love and we still have some of those feelings but we're not together anymore. He sites the fact that we're both so busy and that we need some time apart. But in the mean-time....I'm miserable. We're trying to work on a solid friendship but old habits die hard. At first, we found ourselves being affectionate, even intimate, and this definately caused some serious emotions for me. Now, we hardly have time to spend together as friends and I'm missing it so much. He's even go so far as to take someone else to Homecoming so that people won't get the wrong impression about us (being back together). He says he still has feelings and he wants it to work but I feel him pulling away sometimes. He tells me that he doesn't want me to 'wait around,' to have a life and we'll work on including eachother but that he's not giving up on us. I don't know how to feel about that, such mixed messages on the table. If this relationship can be saved, why should I wait or kill time with someone else? What should I be doing? I feel like I'm going insane trying to get myself back on track! Does anyone have any advice for me???? Is it smart to wait around and hope that things will work or should I be moving on quickly???
Posts: 4 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Honestly, I'd suggest you ask him as directly as possible if he's trying to let you down in a way that is easy for him or doesn't make him be the bad guy, or leave him dateless.

It may or may not be that, but that does sound like a distinct possibility.

And I'm feeling very wary about him taking another date somewhere and explaining that by saying he needed to prove to anyone else you two aren't an item -- that sounds awfully dodgy and flatly, pretty darn bogus.

Lastly, remember that you're half of this. If you want to/need to call the shots, you get to do that (and you should be doing so at least as much as he is, darlin). If he's calling them all and you're just trying to go where the wind blows, that's something you need to fix, ASAP.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 14963

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What it sounds like is like this guy has some major commitment issues. It almost sounds like he is saying "Let's wait, and if nothing better comes along we can work on us." Please, correct me if I'm wrong but that's the vibe I'm getting. If he REALLY wanted a relationship he would overcome the "being busy" might decide to wait until this guy is ready for a relationship, but then you'd be selling yourself short. Think about it...if you met someone you'd be interested in dating, would you be willing to say no to wait for this guy?
Posts: 24 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15011

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He says he still has feelings and he wants it to work but I feel him pulling away sometimes

My opinion, he looks like he is pretty much confused as to what he wants. I would ask him if he want the realtionship to continue or not. The enitre thing about commitment I think he probably doesn't want a seroius realtionship.

Sorry, I'm tripping over my own tounge right now. hope everthing works out.

Stick and stones
May break my bones
But words can hurt like H*ll

Posts: 7 | From: gahanna | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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