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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » is this normal?

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Author Topic: is this normal?
Member # 14675

Icon 9 posted      Profile for crepe     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i was deeply infatuated with this guy in my school for apporoximately two and a half years. he left (and i haven't seen him since) for nearly half a year now, but i still like and think about him *a lot*, even when we never really got to know each other that well...what's more strange, is that he hardly has any of the traits of what you'd call an 'ideal' boyfriend, but nonetheless, i am deeply drawn to him for some reason.

i was just this normal? should i have moved on by now? (during this whole period of time, i have not liked anyone else!) i thought teenagers are supposed to be more fickle...has anyone else ever been in this situation before? is there something wrong with me? i thought maybe it is my personality thats' the cause of this...i think i get attached on to something rather the past, i have found it difficult to move on completely from one guy until i find the next! i think if i liked no-one at one time, i'd feel rather it possible to get 'used to' liking someone?

any thoughts would be appreciated, thnx!

Posts: 14 | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 8067

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It's "normal" (whatever that means) - infatuations can be very long-lasting. The question is whether it's healthy or not.

I've heard psychologists suggest that sometimes having a crush on someone who's inaccessible (whether that's a movie star, or someone you don't really know and never got close to in real life) can be a "safe" way for teenagers to explore feelings of attraction for the first time.

You can try out emotions and see how things feel before you're ready to handle the pressures of an actual relationship. So this sort of crush can be a natural stage.

But personally, what I'd be worried about is this:

i think if i liked no-one at one time, i'd feel rather incomplete...

If you feel you're only "complete" when you're emotionally attached to someone, that can be a big problem. You're building your identity round your attraction to someone else.

So I'd say it might be time to take a break and focus on who you are yourself and what you want to do in your life (that doesn't involve crushes).

If you only feel "complete" when you're hooked on someone else, that's not only bad for you, it's liable to mess up any relationship you might actually have with that other person.

Having a good sense of your own identity is very important when it comes to having healthy relationships.

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15013

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eh....infatuations...i remember back in middle school when i was about....10,i had the biggest crush on this guy named jose for about four years. that sucked so much, because i knew that i had no chance with him at all. he was not interested in me at all because i was fat then (but i dropped all the weight now, back then, it was all my baby fat) and i know he was a jerk for that, but i had still liked him no matter what. it was until i entered high school when i had stopped liking him. so, what im trying to say is that you should just try to forget about him and wait til you get to a new place (like high school or college) then youll see that there are more great guys out there instead of just being fixed on this one guy.
Posts: 9 | From: Vallejo, California, U.S.A | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15168

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I think that you had in your mind what you wanted this guy to be how you say you didn't know him that well. You think you really like him. You have just thought about him so much that you think you like him. I do this alot it took me four years to get over one guy once and it took me six to get over this other one. It is perfectly normal you just need to try to talk to other guys even if you feel like you don't like them and after a little while you will see how nice it is to talk to other guys and you will find yourself forgetting about the guy you once thought you had a crush on. If you have anymore questions, [always remember to ask them here and not send emails, since we aren't allowed to do that and I oughta know better than to post my email five times in five posts.]

[This message has been edited by BruinDan (edited 10-19-2003).]

Posts: 30 | From: Trenton,GA U.S.A | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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