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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Have an ex you really want back because you love them to much

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Author Topic: Have an ex you really want back because you love them to much
Member # 15008

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I'm 16 years old and i'm in the 11th grade. I have an ex that I want back because i love him very much. He was the first person to say in our relationship "I Love You" but it all just ended one day. Wishing we could really be back together.
Posts: 1 | From: Shreveport,Louisiana, United States | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 12803

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I'm in the same situation. The only guy I was ever in love with broke up with me a couple months ago. I still get upset about it everyday, I can't let go. I'd give anything in the world to have him back. I guess that's just the way love is sometimes.

"Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train"

Posts: 30 | From: annapolis, maryland, usa | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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How these things work out depends on the people and circumstances involved.

Sometimes you can't get them back because they're just not interested, or because there are just too many obstacles in the way to the point where it isn't feasible to be together.

Sometimes it does work, but you gotta figure out where you went wrong and do your best to get the problem solved so you don't mess it up again.

You can try to call up your ex and tell him how you feel and then try to fix things (or course, he has to tell you what was the problem if you aren't too sure of it yourself). But if he doesn't want to, well, you can't do too much there without being a stalker.

Be the doctor your parents always wanted you to marry.
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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 14121

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had somewhat of the same situation when my girl broke up with me...

i wanted her back and i was depressed for awhile but i got over her...

im out looking for other fish in the sea but its sometimes harder than what people say it is

"live fast, die fun"
Travis Barker


Posts: 17 | From: PA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 14592

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Same here.
My boyfriend decided we had sex too soon, and instead of telling me that, he said it was because his mom didn't want me around him because I was a "bad influence" because she found out that I self-injure.
That was a serious blow to my self-esteem. I felt like it was my fault that we had to break up, that if I could just be "normal" we would still be together. I saw on Sundays at church and I would literally cry on the way home every day because I had to leave, and I knew it would be a week before I saw him again.
Then, a few weeks after that, we spoke again and he told me the 'real' reason for breaking up with me. That he wasn't ready to be in love, that he wanted to wait awhile and then get back together.
Except then, we started being friends with benefits. We went on a few dates, it seemed just like old times.
With the *tiny* exception that he had a new girlfriend he wasn't telling me about. Even though I had told him, I wanted to put the brakes on anything with him if he had someone else, because well, that's cheating and not nice.

Then, the day before what would've been our three-month anniversary, I went over to his house and slept with him.
That was two weeks ago.
Last week, I asked him what we were. That last I heard, we were friends with benefits, but that that seemed to have changed.
He told me we were just friends, that he shouldn't have had sex with me, and that he was back with his first girlfriend and "didn't want to screw that up again."
This was the first time he had EVER said ANYTHING about sleeping with me too soon. Before, it had always been about "this serious of a relationship", but never that it got too physical. Nevermind the fact that HE was the first one to bring it up, that *I* said no to him first because I knew he was a Christian and that it went against his beliefs. He reassured me that I didn't understand, that he didn't feel it would be a mistake with me.
Well whoop-dee-freaking-doo. Looking back, we should have talked a bit more besides, "You're sure?" "Yeah." "Really?" "Of course." *love hug kisskiss*
Mind you, this is just after my first-ever relationship ended horribly and with my heart being thrown back at me after being in a blender for a few months. I was like, "What about screwing up with ME?"
I cried. And cried. And cried. I was up until 7:30 in the morning crying. I had to have my friends talking to me to keep me from self-injuring, I was losing it that badly. I called my ex-girlfriend, whom I'm stll very good friends with, and bawled for a few hours with her.

I sent him an extremely juvenile and scathing email about how much he'd hurt me. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted him to hurt as much as I was. I screamed every horrible thing I could think of at him.
He sent me one back, showing amazing maturity in that he offered to talk to me if I wouldn't try to dig his heart out with a spoon and feed it to him again.
So okay. We talked last Tuesday. We talked about how we moved too fast, how he DID use me with the friends-with-benefits relationship, how I should have kept things pre-intimate relationship much, much less serious. How I shouldn't have shoved him up on a pedestal, declared that he was the guy who was going to make my life better and woe betide him if he ever screwed up.
We were going to make a stab at being friends. Or at least being civil acquantinces.
I didn't hear from him the rest of the week. On Saturday, I realized he blocked me on AIM. I IMed him, saying if he needed break that was fine, just to tell me that and I'd back off, because I needed a bit of one too. I asked if he wanted me to come to church with him.
All he said was it was up to me, and signed off. When the entire time I've known him, he asked for me to come with him, said it was really important that I be there, that it meant alot to him, that he liked having me there, espicially when he sang.

Well, that wasn't the reply I was hoping for, but alrighty then.
Then, I read his online journal. A post that had to be made for me to read. About how he had hurt someone he cared about, but instead of having the chance to make it up to her, he was going to have to remove her from his life. How yes, he had made a mistake, but that he hoped she would realize that forgiveness was better than hate and retaliation. That maybe now she will understand.

Cue the return of the boiling rage.

After several counting exercises, I IMed him. Saying he forgot something, I did forgive him. That I wanted to talk this out, even if this was the last time we talked, I didn't want this to just go down in the books as another stupid meaningless relationship.
He told me it wasn't his decesion, that his mom had read the email I sent him and banned him from speaking to me.
He signed off.

Cue the return of the tears.

Someone explain to me why I want nothing more than for him to just show up at my door and talk to me about what happened. Explain to me why I want another chance. Explain to me why I'm always the one who wants to give the relationship another shot and who at least wants to work out what happened.

But there's no hope, is there? He's got another girlfriend, off living his merry happy little life, and I'm just sitting here at 4:30 in the morning typing on a messageboard about it.

*bangs head on desk*

I really, really cannot stop crying. I cried last night, I cried tonight...I just MISS HIM. He was the first person outside of my father who ever told me I was pretty.

So yeah. I know how you feel.


Posts: 65 | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3072

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Originally posted by CorsetFetish:
I really, really cannot stop crying. I cried last night, I cried tonight...I just MISS HIM.

I can both understand and appreciate the pain you must be feeling right now...but honestly dear, this isn't going to get any better until you assert a bit of control.

Do me a favor and read your post over again for me. Do you notice anything about it? The entire thing seems pretty passive. Throughout it, you are waiting for something to happen to you. You're waiting for enigmaticboy to tell you what the status of your relationship is. You're waiting for enigmaticboy to decide what he wants to do with you. You're waiting for him to IM you. You're waiting for him to make up his mind about that other girl. You're waiting for the pain to just go away...

I'm sure you've noticed the pattern by now. But the tough part about things like this (and actually, about life as a whole), is that nothing ever happens to those who wait passively. If you want things to start going your way, you are going to have to regain control of your vehicle and steer it back in the direction of your choice.

It may not be easy, but there isn't any other way around it. For you, the first part is also the toughest. You are going to have to summon all of your willpower and find the strength to go on without him. Theoretically it shouldn't be all that guys weren't together that long. But I'm aware that reality is much different, and there seems to have been more than the usual amount of drama in this relationship anyway, regardless of how short-lived it may have been.

That very drama though, is something you can and should toss aside. I'm sure you've got more than enough going on in your life already, the last thing you need is some guy being overly esoteric and throwing a monkeywrench into things. There are people out there (like the friends you've described, perhaps) who will appreciate you for who you are, and not worry about gumming up the works with unnecessary nonsense. All this talk about hearts in blenders, hearts being spoon-fed, heads banging on's just no good, sweetheart. And it's only going to get worse until you find the strength to break away completely.

Something I thought of a lot when I was trying to get over an ex I cared deeply for was the passage of time. I became almost obsessed with time as it went by. That first day I was able to break free of her and not await her phone call was the first day of my better life. It was hard, the first week was hard, the first month was hard...hell, the first few months were hard. But like Simon and Garfunkel said, "time carries on...and the leaves that are green turn to brown." As the leaves changed, so in turn did I. And became stronger, became renewed, and became energetic about things that I'd let fade before. The overdramatic term for it would be "rebirth" I suppose, but either way it has been a wonderful change that has made me a better person and a better mate after having gone through it. For that alone, I value that horrendous experience more than is probably reasonable.

And in time, so will you. I'm confident that you will be able to find the strength in you to keep your chin up and march through this minefield. Keep yourself focused, talk to anyone and everyone (this includes us, darlin', if you ever feel the need), and let time do it's job. You deserve far better than that which you're dealing with today, and I have absolutely no doubt you'll find better days ahead once you take that first step. Good luck!

BruinDan, "Number Three," PHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.

Posts: 2727 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15094

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Well, I've got an ex whom I'm still in love with. The problem is that if I acknowledge us as a serious couple again, I'm worried that I'll do something silly like elope with him. (Dammit, Legs...just give me time to decide!)

And there's this guy whom I don't even particularly like (he'll pour his heart out to me one moment, but turn around and backstab me the next; he'll throw himself at me one moment, but act like he thinks he's too good for me the next; he's thirty years old and acts about sixteen; and he's not poly but he probably has two girlfriends!), and who's left town—for the second time in as many years—anyway...but, damn, I just keep catching myself missing him, or at very least thinking about his eyes and his shoulders, at random moments! (Dammit, Blue Eyes...get out of my mind!)

Unfortunately, the only way we can avoid this kind of thing is by never getting attached to anyone. But that's nearly impossible; I certainly don't think that I could manage it.


Posts: 19 | From: California, USA | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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