On friday night my friend and i went to a club. Well i kissed a few guys in there and then when the club kicked out we went for a walk with two of the guys we'd met. I slept with on of the men and now almost all of my friends say they won't talk to me because i'm a whore. The sex was consensual and i don't feel dirty or used. It was clear to both of us this was just a one night thing and neither of us minded that. If it doesn't bother me and i have no regrets about it why have all my friends deserted me? I feel so lonely without them but all they do is give me dirty looks and bitch about me. It's making me feel depressed, but i still don't regret what i did. What can i do? And i really that bad a person?
Posts: 7 | From: Norfolk, UK | Registered: Oct 2003
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It really sounds like these people are not very good friends at all, and I'm sorry to hear that they're being so judgemental.
Personally, I don't believe that consensual, safe sex makes anyone a "bad person" (although having sex with someone you've just met may be risky or unwise for practical reasons). But what matters is what you believe.
You can try talking to your ex-friends and let them know that you don't think it's fair of them to judge you like this.
But if they're determined to ostracize you, there's not really anything you can do about it, and your best option may be to look for some new friends who will treat you in a more respectful and friend-like manner.
Tell them to go to hell and find someone more accepting of who you are.
I'm sure there are other girls out there who will understand, even if they might not approve.
Chances are, if you actually talked to them individually, you'll find out that most of them really don't mind. It's your body anyway, not theirs. Someone's just jealous or freaked or simply just spiteful within the clique and turning everyone against you.
Definitely time to find a new set of friends. This kind of behavior is something that they should have gotten over on the playground. Adult consensual sex is exactly that: a grown-up choice, and if they can't deal with the fact that you're old enough to decide for yourself what you want and then responsibly act on it, then they need to do some maturing.
I agree, individually they probably don't mind, but the herd mentality is a strong thing; you may not want to waste time trying to turn the mass instinct back. But honestly? They're probably jealous.
It also bugs me when people throw words around like "whore". First, because unless you were paid, it's inaccurate, and second, personally I think of the role of "whore" as a profession that should be valued and respected. We tip waitstaff to pretend to be nice; we pay psychologists to act like they care; we pay massage therapists to lay their hands on our bodies and make us feel good. And a "whore" should be different?
Sorry, that's getting off the subject. Didn't mean to. From what you said, you did nothing wrong; your friends are being immature, intolerant, and disrespectful of your rights as an adult.
Really, it's none of anyone else's business how you lead your sex life, as long as you do it consensually and safely. That includes your friends. Your friends can have opinions on what you did, but if they were true friends they would either keep it to themselves, or sit you down and have a talk with you if they were genuinely concerned for your well-being.
See how you feel about continuing your relationships with these friends. If you believe you can work it out and are prepared to deal with the initial negative behaviour (as they have already demonstrated they are capable of), then go forth. If you don't think these friendships are worth salvaging, or you don't feel you need to explain your actions, then move on.
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