Hi there. I was wondering if anyone could give some advice. You see, I'm in my third year of college. Every year that I've been here, I've called my parents everynight. I like to stay in touch with my parents, and I could never go for like weeks on end like some of my friends do without speaking to them. My problem is this: I feel that because we talk so often it makes (at least me) testy. I'm getting so I can't stand it anymore. They ask me the same questions over and over again (what did you have for supper?, what are you doing tonight? how come you haven't talked about your schoolwork? etc.) it gets to be a bit much. especially on weekends because I'm not a huge party guy or anything, and they always ask me what I'm doing on Friday or Saturday night, and of course, I say "nothing", which doesn't bother me that I'm not doing anything, but it makes me feel like a loser taht I have to tell them this. I wish they would stop asking that question. I appreciate their concern, but it gets a bit much! sorry for ranting!! Anyway, to make a long story short, I think that it might be best for both me and my parents if we didn't speak as often? I mean, I appreciate everything they do for me, and I feel bad that it's to the point where I feel I can't even take 10 minutes from my day to call them, but everytime I talk to them I get all stressed out. I think it would be better to talk to them less, that way we wouldn't be so sick of each other, because I hate making them mad too. They get mad at me because I get all stressed out at all the repetitious questions they ask. And when I flip out about that issue, they get all mad because from their end it's not a big deal I guess, but when I'm at school, there's a lot on my plate, and I get tired of answering the same questions!! So would it be ungrateful for me to tell them that we should talk less? I mean, how do I say that to them, because they expect me to call everynight! I'd feel bad, but I think in the end it'd be better. I mean, I live on my own, why do I need to call them everynight? any input on this would be greatly appreciated!!!
Posts: 6 | From: Seattle | Registered: Oct 2002
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Have you calmly told them that talking to them about the same thing everynight stresses you out... or do you only tell them when you flip out?
Perhaps you should tell them pretty much what you said here. There is a lot on your plate as a college student, especially as you are getting further into your education. It is frustrating to be asked the same thing night after night and feel obligated to call them every single day.
Perhaps they might agree to having you call only a couple nights a week instead of all of them. You should also make clear that the same repetitive questions really do bother you, and if there is something going on you really will talk to them about it.
Hey it's cool that you're so close to your parents or whatever, but man... talking to them every night? I can't do that with my parents.. and I live with mine. I wouldn't even explain it to them. Haven't you ever eased out of a friendship? Miss a couple calls here and there, they can't say much about it because you're a big kid now and you're on your own and they cant make you call them. And I bet they'll get used to it pretty quickly. I mean you're old now, they have to know that, and if they don't its because you have never established your independence. Come on, this is gonna be fun! All right tonite you're NOT going to call them and you're going to count down until the day is over and go WOO HOO when you've gone a whole day without talking to em.
I wouldn't just stop talking to them. That's a good way to get them worried about you, witch would probably produce more of the same questions. If I were you, I would say "Mom, Dad, I'm glad we have a good relationship and are able to talk every day, but I have a lot on my plate and finding time to call and talk about the same thing as yesterday is getting to be difficult. I'd still like to talk, but maybe not every day." I would assure them that if anything comes up or you need advice, you'd call, and let your mom and dad know they can call you too if something important comes up.
If you don't think that would go over very well, may I suggest starting your own conversation that isn't about what you had for dinner etc... Tell them about something cool that happened on campus or ask about something back home or anything else you want to talk about.
If you parents are like my parents, they ask the questions because they care about you, not just to annoy you. You just need to talk to them calmly about this and make sure you don't just stop calling them all at once.
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