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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am I falling for her?!

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Author Topic: Am I falling for her?!
ilaura2003
Neophyte
Member # 14915

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So, I have never considered myself anything but straight (I'm 19), not because I'd really CARE either way, just because women have never done it for me. I'm also, for the record, in a long term (3 years this week) relationship with a guy who is also one of my best friends in the world and I love him more than anything.

But recently, over the last month or so, I have this really surreal feeling that I'm falling for my best (female) mate! We've always been really close, and I've been having some problems the last few months, with which she has just been amazing, there for me night or day, etc etc. So I'm not sure if I'm just not used to being this open and close to someone and just THINK i am falling for her, or if I actually am! It's so confusing.

The thing is, whilst we are extremely close, we're both exceptionally bad at talking. Sometimes things she says make me think she isn't entirely straight herself (in fact its a standing joke that she always gets crushes on the women in films instead of the men).

I just... I feel really weird, I feel like my feelings are changing. Before, I'd speak to her almost every day I guess, and she'd tell me what she'd done with other mates etc etc, but now I crave time with her ALL the time. When I'm not with her I wish I was with her and I miss her, and when she touches me (not *touches* me, just, grabs my hand or something) it sends jolts to my brain.

So question, is this just me imagining things and thinking that the bond we have and the amount I care about her as a friend is more than it is? And should I *tell* her this?! I'm afraid she'd back off and feel awkward.


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celery
Activist
Member # 5594

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I think it's entirely possible that you could be having feelings for your female friend.

But it's not something we can decide for you, if you have feelings for her then you do, from what you have explained it seems like you do like in her in a way more than friendship but you just don't really want to believe it unless you hear it from someone else.

So just take some time to think about how you feel about her ad if you really do having feelings for her, and if you do that's great, and if you don't that's great too! Good Luck


Posts: 1000 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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Can I ask what you hope to accomplish by telling her?

Unless your relationship with your boyfriend isn't monogamous you can't begin a relationship with her at this time.

So, if you want to persue a relationship with her you need to bring your boyfriend up to speed. If you decide she's not what you want right now, I don't see any reason to do something that will damage your friendship.

------------------
"I'll memorize everything you do to me/So I can teach it when it comes my turn."
-- Semisonic, "Chemistry"


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
aroseisarose
Neophyte
Member # 14963

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Agreed.

I don't think this is any different than if you'd begun falling for another guy...

If you do a thorough soul-search and discover that you are in love with your best friend, and do want to pursue a relationship with her, you must come clean with your guy first (unless you've already discussed not being monogamous). Hypothetically speaking, if this were to happen, how big of a chance would you have of creating a relationship with your best friend? Can you predict how she would react?

On the other hand, you might decide to just suck it up. There are many times when people, even though they have feelings for someone, decide not to bare all; it might not be the right thing to do in that situation, it might be inappropriate, or the realistic chances for it to work out are slim.

It is totally possible that you are developing genuine romantic feelings for your friend. It's now up to you to decide whether you will act upon them in any way.


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