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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Curiosity and Lusting

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Author Topic: Curiosity and Lusting
Member # 14673

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So i've been dating a wonderful boy for over 11 months, and i love him very much. But lately, i've been having dreams about a friend of mine whom i have always been attracted to. They're mostly dreams where we're in love or just kissing, and so they're not too too naughty. But they still bother me. My boyfriend and i talked about them, and they don't bother him, he says, because they're just dreams. Still, he thinks there may be some substance behind them because they are about this one particular guy (let's call him "W".) I think he may be right. We discussed the fact that i am still attracted to this guy, and it was a pretty upsetting conversation. I also find myself fantasizing about other people. "W" is the only other boy i've ever kissed. I told my boyfriend that maybe if i'd done more things with guys before i started dating him, i would be okay. I'm just so curious about how other people are intimately, and i'm not sure what to do; I don't want to break up, but i'm also scared of going on with my extremely loyal boyfriend, and missing out on casual dating and meaningless makeout. that may sound bad, but that's basically my issue.
Posts: 51 | From: NC, USA | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You're going to be hard-pressed to find anyone who is not attracted to a plethora of people who aren't their committed partner. Who we may monogamously partner with is usually a choice we make out of a lot of choices, not the only person we could possibly be with.

What you want for you right now is really only something you can decide. But the chances are pretty good that you'll have lots of opportunities in your lifetime to date as much or as little as you want to: very few people spend their entire lives with the one person they dated in high school.

As well, might want to condiser how much weight you're giving your dreams: dream analysts -- for those who even subscribe to dreams being anything more than subconscious static -- are all over the map with how literally or figuratively dreams should be taken.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13496

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if it's any consolation, i've just recently had a similar experience. not dreams, and i've never kissed the boy either, but none-the-less.

i've been spending a lot of time recently around one of my boyfriend's friends, and getting to know him a lot better. i've come to find him a really cool guy and great to get along with, and at times really felt like holding or even kissing him.

don't get me wrong, i love my boyfriend, and wouldn't give him up for the world. but i think in my particular case, it might be the fact that he is the only guy i have ever been with, kissed, or the like, that is driving me to be interested in others.

i find myself wondering a lot what it would be like to be with someone else, just because i never have. considering your 'other' guy is the only guy you've kissed other than your boyfriend, i would suggest that it could be feelings similar to these that are causing your dreams and anxieties.

Posts: 109 | From: canada | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 14617

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Im kind of going through the same situation right now where Ive been with my bf for a while and now...maybe Im starting to get bored. My bf is the only one that Ive gotten sexually intimate with, and because of that he difinitely carries a "weight" when it comes to that. For me, theres this one other guy that I just KNOW that if I wasnt attatched, Id be going for him. The bad thing is that I have an inkling that he might be attracted to me. Yet, the way I see it is that unless you want to lose everything youve built with your boyfriend, all of that trust and love, make sure you dont act on it. Remind yourself that that initial feeling is just the excitement of being attracted to someone new, and that, just like with the boy youre with now, it wears off eventually. I may be attracted to this guy, but my bf calls me, has waited for me, has always wanted to know what Im thinking, has placed my hand over his heart. Those things sometimes can be irreplaceable.
Posts: 15 | From: here | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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