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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Some more questions........

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Author Topic: Some more questions........
JayBee
Neophyte
Member # 14616

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Well.....I've been reading some of these topics....and I do want to tell my mom about this nameless guy I've been with.....but she freaked about the last one....so I'm not sure I should tell her, I'm already on birth control....and we did use a condom because I don't know him that well....But does anyone have any idea how I could tell my mother...if I choose to do so?

And why is it that this kid on my bus tells me that I'm loose? I've only had sex twice (actual sex) but I have been with more people without actual sex....with other things....but he doesn't know about them all he knows about are the two people I've had sex with....and it is really unfair and makes me feel like shit....

Thanks in advance!

JayBee

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Posts: 8 | From: PA, | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
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You have the right to tell people to treat you with respect and report any and all harassment to authorities, you know.

And you're smart to use condoms during sex, but that's got nothing to do with how well you know someone. It's not like being familiar with someone means they can't give you an STD, or vice versa. You might also want to reconsider having sex with people you don't know, because comfort, and the ability to follow-through if anything should go wrong are extremely important, and a big part of good, responsible sex. Having underaged sex also isn't a kind or intelligent thing to do; any sexual activites that put your partner in danger, whether that be physical, emotional, or legal, just aren't ethical.

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Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, DNFTF, WAOTA

This is the time to unite over the Revolution of the Pants


Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
gothicbeautyqueen
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Member # 12941

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hey hun,
you made the comment "and we did use a condom because I don't know him that well" well hun if you dont know him that well then why are you having sex with him. Due to the age difference and the fact you dont know him that well dont you think you should get to know him more before you guys had sex. i'm not here to judge you or anything hun because i have had sex also. but I got to know the guy for a while before. how long have you been dating this guy?

Posts: 85 | From: living hell | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
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Hey gothic, did you read what I wrote?

It's great to be helpful, but posting redundant and not fully thought-out advice really doesn't serve much purpose.

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Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, DNFTF, WAOTA

This is the time to unite over the Revolution of the Pants


Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JayBee
Neophyte
Member # 14616

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*blushes* I only met him umm....well i guess it was around 1:30AM (ET) on Monday....so I've only known him for well almost three days....I guess this makes me seem stupid....for bothering about someone I've known for three days....but I get attached easily. I want to get to know him, and in my religion sex is ok with people you don't know well....Its like i want to live how i want when i want without caring about anything or something, sick of being lonely i guess....and sex helps a bit makes it go away awhile....but not totally....anyways rambling....
Thanks again i guess:-)

JayBee

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Posts: 8 | From: PA, | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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That's an awful lot of rationalizing in one post, sweetie!

You need not use the religion argument with us, either. It's cool to be whatever you want, so long as you're not hurting anyone...or yourself. We don't like seeing people engage in self-destructive behavior, so for this moderator it is not always easy to read things like what you've posted.

You've got a boyfriend who is above the age of consent, you're far below it. Regardless of what your religion or your mind is telling you, the law tells you that is a no-no. You could wind up getting in trouble, and he could wind up even worse off. It's something I would think about if I were you, because there aren't many things worse than enjoying the fun of juvenile detention.

Except enjoying the fun of juvenile detention with some sort of sexually-transmitted infection. I would certainly hope you are using various forms of birth control, because it's problematic enough that neither of you have been tested for such infections and neither of you seem to have any definitive clue of whether the other is carrying something onboard. If you're going to continue breaking the law with this guy, you might as well try and protect yourself, right?

Please, dear...don't get caught up in the "live how I want to live" routine. I've seen people time and time again fall for that a bit too early and crash before they had time to pull up. You've got a lot ahead of you, and sometimes taking things a bit slower can help you have more fun later on when you're in a better position to enjoy it. I know how hard it is to take the longview when you're barely surviving algebra...but please don't sell yourself short just yet. You've got so much to look forward to, and throwing it away now would just be tragic.

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BruinDan, "Number Three," PHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.


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JayBee
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Member # 14616

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I know he doesn't have any STDs or STIs, and neither do I, I got tested, and so did he, and what the po-pos don't know can't hurt me or my boy....don't know why i even bother asking for help, I DIDNT COME HERE TO GET LECTURED!

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Posts: 8 | From: PA, | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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Jaybee, I don't think people are trying to be judgemental or lecture you - they're concerned about your safety and well-being.

Many people here would take the view that casual sex is fine if it's what the people involved want, and if it's safe and responsible (which also tends to mean legal).

Nobody here is going to judge you or say that you're "stupid" or "loose" or anything like that.

But trying to use casual sex as a way to make loneliness go away, or as a way to stop caring about things, tends not to be very emotionally healthy.

"Getting attached quickly" and jumping into relationships in a matter of days tends not to be good for the health of those relationships.

And it can put you at risk in all sorts of ways. For example, if you've only known him for three days, then you're unlikely to be able to tell whether or not he's telling the truth about having been tested for STDs (unless you actually went to the clinic together).

Similarly, if you can't tell anyone other than your sister's boyfriend about this guy, what happens if you need help getting emergency contraception, for example? Secrecy can cause a whole bunch of problems.

We've got several articles that you might find helpful:

Safer Sex... For Your Heart
'Ten of the Best Things You Can Do For Your Sexual Self


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JayBee
Neophyte
Member # 14616

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...umm...yeah...well ok...i spose I'm sorry for yelling and [stuff], my counselor says 18 isn't too old as long as it isn't against my will...i can get EC with her bf, he is 18, can drive to a hospital, and I can use my BC as EC, it says so on the package that I can, If I call a doctor and all that...I truly am sorry for being pissed, I'm not using sex as a way to escape lonelyness really, I am talking to people to not be lonely....I guess......

JayBee

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[Let's keep it clean, shall we?]

[This message has been edited by BruinDan (edited 09-06-2003).]


Posts: 8 | From: PA, | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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quote:
Originally posted by JayBee:
my counselor says 18 isn't too old as long as it isn't against my will...

Neeggaattiiivvee. While I'm sure your counselor is well-intentioned, that is incorrect.

Section 3122.1 of the PA Criminal Code outlines statutory rape. And it says that anyone who has sex with a minor under the age of 16 and who is 4 years older than that person, is guilty of a second-degree felony. Felonies are bad, bad things...they are what you get sent to state prison for, and they're what you wind up having to register as a sex offender (for the rest of your life) for. Not pretty, and not something you'd want to roll over.

And the problem with laws like these is that the po-po's have magical ways of finding out. It could be from an overly-concerned friend, it could be from parents, it could be from someone who is just jealous. It really doesn't matter how they find out, because once they do they'll seize on it, demonize the older party, and forward their charges to the district attorney's office.

I'm sorry if you feel this is lecturing you, but we would be rather remiss in our duties if we didn't make you aware of the potential consequences of your actions. That said, it's your life, your choice, and your risk to take. Free Will is a wonderful thing, just please make sure you're careful with it. Good luck!

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BruinDan, "Number Three," PHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.


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