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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Myriad Issues

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Author Topic: Myriad Issues
MarvellousPurple
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This may be long and slightly confusing. Sorry in advance.

I should probably begin by introducing the characters. First is me, a college sophomore living in Rhode Island. Also important is my partner, a college sophomore living in southwestern Virginia. So far we've been doing the long-distance thing for about a year (minus the summer), but that's not really the issue here.

The issue is that I seem to have become an insane jealousy monster. Before we left for college, we decided that it would be in everyone's best interests if we were to date others if we wanted while at college. Well, last year nobody dated anyone else, and all was more or less happy and wonderful in that department. We made friends (I more than he, he's a little, ah, antisocial) and generally had a decent, collegiate time.

Fast forward to this summer, where we have some long discussions (and hysterics on my part) about a new, fun issue: he would like to have sex with other people, at least in theory. To say the least, I am NOT okay with this, but we more or less resolved the issue by saying we'd deal with it when and if it came up. (To be honest, I'm not terribly concerned about this anymore--remember what I said about him being antisocial?)

This stemmed into, "I might want to date other people." Basically, things are the same as before, except this time Dating Other People seems to have become a real possibility, rather than something foggy that might happen but probably won't.

Suddenly, now, I've gotten insecure and jealous. That, really, is what I'm asking for advice on--how do I fix this stuff? The insecurity isn't so much rooted in low self-esteem as much as it's rooted in my simple fear that he'll meet someone else who he'll like better than me. (Maybe that qualifies as low self-esteem?) This, by extension, makes me jealous of his friends and anyone he hangs out with. It's pretty ridiculous, really, and made worse by the fact that he's given me carte blanche to hang out with whomever I want, wherever, whenever, etc. I really honestly wish that I could do the same for him, but it seems like I just can't.

I could probably go on for a while, but this seems like a decent stopping place for now. I suppose I'm looking for a little insight and feedback from people who have been here before; ideas on getting over my silly insecurity would also be greatly appreciated.

Sorry it was so long, and I hope it made decent sense.

------------------
we're just two lost souls, swimming in a fishbowl
year after year
running over the same old ground
what have we found? the same old fears.
wish you were here.


Posts: 475 | From: Back in Providence, RI | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
badly_behaved_badger
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Member # 7728

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quote:
Originally posted by MarvellousPurple:
Fast forward to this summer, where we have some long discussions (and hysterics on my part) about a new, fun issue: he would like to have sex with other people, at least in theory. To say the least, I am NOT okay with this, but we more or less resolved the issue by saying we'd deal with it when and if it came up.

Babe, don't feel bad about not being OK with this. Agreeing to 'deal with it if and when it comes up' isn't going to put your mind at ease, and you probably feel like you haven't had your say. I think in this instance you should put foward what you want, (which is a monogamous relationship, right?) Because as you say, the jealousy and insecurity makes you feel bad.

quote:
The insecurity isn't so much rooted in low self-esteem as much as it's rooted in my simple fear that he'll meet someone else who he'll like better than me.

Please give yourself a break and be honest with him. It's not healthy being under constant strain, it's that more than anything that wears away at your self-esteem. And you say that he has given you permission to do as you will? But that doesn't make it alright for you, I understand. I can't tell you that your insecurity is stupid. We are all human and jealousy is natural. What would be foolish is going on with something you're not happy with, and fretting all the time about what this guy is doing or not doing while you're not around. What I would suggest is that the two of you either keep your relationship monogamous, or perhaps don't be in a relationship at all, because I can see that going half way and 'compromising' isn't working for you. I hope my advice helped

*badger*


Posts: 388 | From: UK | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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