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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Boyfriend dreaming abuot other girls sexually

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Author Topic: Boyfriend dreaming abuot other girls sexually
Member # 13854

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I'm so hurt by this, and I know it's wrong but it just does. I hate myself for being such a bitch about the whole thing but it hurts so bad... :'(

Why am I so jealous?

Posts: 32 | From: Roanoke, VA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3072

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Originally posted by paradijs:

Why am I so jealous?

Because you're human. Jealousy is as much a human emotion as love or lust, and as you might expect, it often goes hand in hand with them as well. It's going to happen, the key is how you deal with it.

Flying into rages is not a good way to handle things. Throwing scissors isn't either. A charming ex-girlfriend of mine liked to resort to one (or both) of those methods when she was jealous, and I was not amused. (Though I do recall finding it somewhat funny that she actually took a shoe off just to throw it at me...) Violence and outbursts aren't cool though, so I sure hope you're not into any of that.

While it's important to understand that you're human and are prone to human emotions, it's also a prudent idea to remember that your boyfriend is human and prone to human desires as well. Fantasizing is about as common as breathing, and only slightly less important. Trying to stop a person from having fantasies, therefore, is not just's downright impossible. Unless you're a mind-control expert, it just isn't going to happen. (If you are a mind-control expert, however, would you mind convincing my boss to give me a raise?)

Please don't hate yourself for this though, it's natural enough. Instead, why not channel your energy into managing your emotions a bit? Your boyfriend is with you for a reason, you know, why not try to focus on that? Having a good heart-to-heart conversation might be a good way to get that point across as well. Sometimes hearing a little bit of positive reinforcement can go a long way towards alleviating some of your angst, why not give it a shot?

In the meantime, fear not, and take care of yourself. It isn't fair to beat yourself up too much about this, and as long as you keep that in mind, you should do just fine.

BruinDan, "Number Three," FHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.

Posts: 2727 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13388

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Something else to add I mean, it's totally natural to dream/be attracted to other people while in a relationship, but I wonder how these dreams come up in a conversation between you two.

I mean, if they naturally slip into the convo occasionally, then whatever, but if you feel he's randomly bringing them up like all of the time and giving you a blow-by-blow, I'd definitely address that, like "You might not think anything of it, and while I know it's totally natural and stuff for you to have these dreams, I'd prefer if you didn't bring them up so much and give so much detail." Chances are, if that's the case, he doesn't even realize it and perhaps talks about the dreams to appease unecessary guilt for having them in the first place, to assure you he does in fact like and is devoted to you. Just my two cents...

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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