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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Rant about my mother

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Author Topic: Rant about my mother
Msj
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I love my mother to death but frankly she is really pushing me more and more about the internet. She angered me just now. She wanted me to watch this movie about a sexual predator who got to her daughter online from a chatroom they met at when they agreed to meet. She asked me if I'm watching it when I know I am and have planned to. Then she automatically asks if that's what I'm doing at all hours of the night and that I actually believe stuff what people tell me. What on earth must I say for her to trust me? Who knows anymore. I usually get the usual:

"Oh so this is what you do online at all hours of the night? chatting?"
"I'm going to take that computer out! Then you won't have it anymore!"
"Just wait until I get a good job, I'll learn that computer yet!"

Yet when I offer to teach her she says she doesn't have the patience so how would she when getting a job =\ The ex (I've referred to him before if you remember) knows what I do online because he's read my conversations and he's looked through what I do and he trusts the people I talk to and he trusts me in that I know what I am doing when I talk to these people. It's not like I have something to hide and he doesn't tell her, because he knows she's so quick to bark out the first thing that comes to her mind without thinking it through.

In the movie, "Defending Our Kids: The Julie Posey Story," I believe they show the typical "pedophile", stereotypical that is. What I thought would've been interesting was if they show the real typical ones instead of just the "obvious." Another thing in the movie:

1) The girl was 13 yrs old. For goodness sake, she was freaking out with happiness just from getting a computer let alone the internet...tell me that's not screaming vulnerable O_o

2) Her friends asked her to try a chatroom called "Girls for Men" or something similar to that nature. Mistake #1...why you think I would want to go in a chatroom like that is beyond my knowledge mother *rolls eyes*

3) The girl gave away her a/s/l just like that, when she is new to the net. Mistake #2...it really annoys me when people ask me that sort of crap, usually I'd just say "69/m/up yours arsehat" and if they want a picture I go to some website with ugly people faces and give them ones of those to jerk off to :P

4) She agreed to meet the guy without telling anyone. Mistake #3...even I'm not stupid to do that alone. I wouldn't do that for anyone unless I was supervised..duh. I have told this and I tell him all my other online activities to the ex before and I plan to keep it that way.

She asks me to watch this movie and yet does not watch it herself. Why the hell she wishes to accuses me of things when she doesn't even know what I'm doing is unfair to ME. I tell her to watch me and she says "she doesn't have to" and accuses me of taking advantage of it since she does not know how to use a computer. Complete BS on her part! Like she knows what chatrooms and forums are. She tells me I don't know what goes on and that much I agree with her on but I wish would NOT come to my face telling ME what happens or goes on when she is not on the damn thing herself because she knows next to nothing. I probably don't either, (I'm not an expert or perfect on it so I know I cannot talk) but at least I am on it to get an idea of what it is about, someone should.

Sorry for my ranting. I just wish she would stop accusing me acting like she knows the truth when she hasn't lived through the actual reality of it =\ Am I wrong in my thinking?


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Milke
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Not wrong, exactly, but I think you're reading the wrong things into your mum's concern. Watch the video, it won't kill you. Stop sending out false info and pictures; if you don't want to answer, just don't, there's no need to be provocative. And do read up on online safety. Yeah, you've got a computer, you know how to use it, and that's cool, but why *not* do all you can to be safe and reassure someone who cares about you?

------------------
Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, DNFTF, WAOTA

Get your philosophy from a bumper sticker


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Msj
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I feel that she is looking into my concerns, precautions, and safety as well. As for the pics and info, I don't normally do that. I just say "none of your business." I have read up on online safety and I do feel that I have taken safety precautions. I do not go into chatrooms and I don't talk to anyone I don't feel comfortable talking to and I am monitored. Maybe I would be more understanding if she wouldn't be so quick to jump the gun so fast.

[No need to quote the entire post. -ook]

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 07-22-2003).]


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Milke
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Good precautions. And I can understand why you're irritated, but do realise that computers can seem pretty darn scary all by themselves if you don't know much about them, and horror stories like the one you mentioned make it even worse. Hey, you hear a *lot* of freaked-out people while doing tech-support! Stay calm about it all, do what you can to explain how you're keeping yourself safe (you know that little list you wrote? Tell her about it when she's worried.), and do make sure you let her know you're hearing her, and will try to take her advice. That's all you really can do, but do remember where she's coming from.

------------------
Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, DNFTF, WAOTA

Get your philosophy from a bumper sticker


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Msj
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I will try my best thanks. I felt that way when I just started on the net. I wasn't that open and didn't tell anyone anything. However it's been a year now and I've been a bit more open. I do have an online bf and I've explained to him my situation so he said when he can he's going to take a picture of his ID so I can show her and maybe she'll be more comfortable seeing it. I hope so...
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logic_grrl
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quote:
The ex (I've referred to him before if you remember) knows what I do online because he's read my conversations and he's looked through what I do and he trusts the people I talk to and he trusts me in that I know what I am doing when I talk to these people.

quote:
I have told this and I tell him all my other online activities to the ex before and I plan to keep it that way.

Given what you've posted about "the ex" before, I really, really don't think he's a great person to be going to with your internet concerns, especially as he's already been using this as a way of starting inappropriate and intrusive conversations with you. He is not a safe or responsible adult.

As Miz S said:

quote:
In short, this man's behaviour with you is really inappropriate at best, and sexually abusive at worst.

It sounds like your mother is concerned about your welfare and vulnerability to sexual predators, even if her concerns are misguided.

So how about telling her about the way in which "the ex" is behaving and asking for her help in getting this guy out of both of your lives? And if she's not prepared to help, then, as Miz S said, you may well need to report him directly to the department of children and family services or the police.

I know it's difficult, especially if you have become emotionally dependent on the guy, but frankly, as long as this guy is in your life, you are "screaming vulnerable".


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Msj
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I've already told her but she just laughed and said he was kidding and didn't mean to. I don't have a choice about the online activities since my mom won't understand no matter how many times I explain it to her.
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logic_grrl
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Please have another look at some of the answers you were given here:

http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000562.html

I'd agree with Miz S:

quote:
Frankly, it doesn't sound to me like your house is a safe place for you right now with him around it, and having free access to it. It really doesn't.

If your mom isn't prepared to help, then you may need to take action yourself by telling a school counsellor or reporting him to the department of children and family services or the police.

Even if you don't feel able to do that yet, then, as Miz S says:

quote:
Do NOT be alone with him, do not let him into your room. If it happens, make clear you do NOT want to be touched, you do NOT want to talk about sex, as thaata's not appropriate for him to be doing with you.

You clearly can't rely on this guy to be a "trusted adult" to advise you about net safety - especially since he's already been using your net activities as a way to start inappropriate conversations with you. Right now, this guy is the biggest threat to your safety around.

Using him as a source of support in any context just makes you dependent on him and even more vulnerable.

Very often, an abuser will "groom" a potential victim by encouraging them to depend on him, share their intimate confidences with him, and feel they can't talk to anyone else. That's because it makes it much harder for them to recognize when things get abusive or do anything about it.

And it sounds to be as if that's exactly what's going on here.

Telling a trusted adult about your online activities is a smart idea. But this guy has already made it very clear that he's not a trustworthy or safe adult in any way.


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Acraine
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The internet, just so you know, can be a very dangerous place. Exercise caution wherever you go. First names only, and the state you live in. If anyone has anyone or anything on the internet that is harassing them in any way, please post it here or contact the TeenAngels at:
www.teenangels.org

Thanks


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BruinDan
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quote:
Originally posted by Acraine:
If anyone has anyone or anything on the internet that is harassing them in any way, please post it here...

Neeggaattiivvee...we'll have none of that here, thank you very much. There is a time and place for everything, and this is clearly not the place for us all to post about creepy internet encounters. This is, in fact, a place for assistance with all things pertaining to relationships. Make sense?

------------------
BruinDan, "Number Three," FHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.


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