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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How do I get the spark back?

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Author Topic: How do I get the spark back?
Member # 13616

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pinkpanther     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half, but things just seem to be going....stale. I love him so so much and and I still find him attractive, and nice and stuff and everything I loved about him when I first met him. But I feel...bored. I don't want to split up with him because the thought of not being with him is scary. I feel so secure and stable and loved with him, but that's partly what's's like the spark has gone and we are stuck in a boring routine. Sex with him has always been...stressed. I was abused as a child and so I've never been that keen on sex, I mean I like it but I could go without it, but now it's like nearly disappeared from our relationship. I don't want to hurt him but I want things to go back to how they were..but how? He's the nicest guy in the world and I love him to death but when I tried to approach the subject yesterday he didn't want to talk about it (which is how he always is) I'm having a talk with him tonight about it, do you think we should take a break or should I hang in there? If so what should I do to get the spark back?
please please help

Posts: 2 | From: uk | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 12779

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why not surprise each other with an evening of re-enactment, like the first time you met, or just talk about the first time you realised you loved him and vice versa.

It sounds kinda soppy but it might work. I personally wouldn't want to go on a break but that might be what you feel comfortable with!

Why is it that the person that makes you cry, is the only one who can make you stop.

Posts: 51 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7343

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I find every long relationship hits the 'long stretch of the highway', if you understand what I am saying. Try spicing up your life a bit. Do something different, like go to a zoo one day, buy some lingerie, go for a hike and have a picnic. Little things like that that will change your everyday.

Don't forget to tell your boyfriend what he means to you. I once wrote a letter using the letters of my boyfriend's name. I found one word that describes him with each letter. And talk to your boyfriend tell him that things are as spicy, and ask him what he thinks. If he just blows it off, tell him that it is important to you that you discuss it.

Good luck

Posts: 234 | From: Ottawa, Ont, Canada | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 8067

Icon 1 posted      Profile for logic_grrl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sex with him has always been...stressed. I was abused as a child and so I've never been that keen on sex

I'd really recommend that you get hold of a copy of "The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How To Create Your Own Expowered Sexuality After Child Sexual Abuse" by Staci Haines.

Being an abuse survivor can definitely affect your sex life, and so your sexual/romantic relationships.

So it's worth getting some help and guidance on this, both in case it's a factor in the current relationship problem (and if sex is always "stressed", it sounds like it could be), and for the sake of your general wellbeing and happiness.

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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