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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Once a cheater always a cheater???

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Author Topic: Once a cheater always a cheater???
Tina_M
Neophyte
Member # 13530

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My boyfriend and I have been going out for 6 months now and he recently told me that he cheated on every girlfriend he ever had because he felt insecure of himself. Well I really love him and i know he loves me but i just can't help feeling that maybe he will cheat on me too. We talked about this but somehow we never end the conversation with an answer. He also knows about my past which is not the greatest. He says he has excepted it but i don't know for sure. I really do not know what to do.
Sometimez love sux because if i didn't love him i could just end it....Plz help

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~Tina~


Posts: 3 | From: canada | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hugz_n_kissesxoxo
Neophyte
Member # 13507

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I dont think there is a real way to determine if a guy is cheating on you especially if its only been 6 monthes. But if he really loves you like he says he does he should have no problem changing his old ways, but you have to trust him ( hard huh?)just don't hound him all the time about it. Remember if he loves you he will change on his own because he loves you.

[No need to quote the entire post -- you can reply by using "post reply" buttons. -ook]

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 06-18-2003).]


Posts: 9 | From: Chesapeake, Virginia, USA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Alcoholics and drug addicts love people too, but still remain alchoholics and drug addicts.

That isn't to say someone who has cheated before can't change their patterns, because they can. But it's to say that loving someone doesn't usually change addictive behaviours, and expecting it to, all by itself is expecting too much.

Working on the issues at hand and developing trust over time is what can help.

And FYI, Tina, love by itself doesn't keep or have to keep anyone anywhere they don't want to be. If, for any reason, a relationship isn't working for you, you can leave it, and if you feel you can't, you need to look at that because that in and of itself is a problem that needs work.

If a relationship is making the people involved unhappy, they need to have the fortitude and care for one another to know that isn't something they should stick with. Not saying that's your sitch, but just responding to that sentiment, because it's a copout, honestly, and one that won't serve you or anyone else very well in your life.


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frenchy
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Member # 11720

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Hey, I dont believe 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. I've cheated on 2 past boyfriends, but i didnt really care about them so much.. although i wasnt proud of it, i didnt think much of it when i did do it to them. But I have been with my current boyfriend for a year (next week!!) and i havent cheated on him! not even thought about it. Because i do truly care for him and i could never do that to him. He knows about my past boyfriend but trusts me that it wont happen again.
So thats my advice to you, trust , if he was open to you completely about it (and not proud of it), and you know he cares for you and you care for him, then give him that chance and trust him. He wont do it to you if he truly cares and wants to change. But if he does do it to you, then dont give him a 2nd chance, just move on from him and dont look back!
and BTW, about him accepting you past, he probably has, sure he may not be pleased, or think the greatest of what may of happened in you past, but if it says he has, then trust it. Because sure my bf may not be pleased with my past, he has accepted it because he cares for me and doesnt seem to give much of it a second thought, so your bf probably doesnt either (he's probably moved on from it).

Smile


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Angel07
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Member # 8018

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im in a similar situation with my boyfriend, except hes only cheated once (not to trivalize it but hes not like a total player or anything or whatever) he cheated on a girl and then went out with the girl he cheated with. . then hes with me. ive dragged it out SO many times. i believe people make mistakes and can change. give it time and youll grow to trust him, thats what i did. dont just say oh he was a player so he'll cheat on me, because he can change. i personally wouldnt be trusting him TOTALLY for awhile until he EARNED it. thats what ive done with my boyfriend. now i trust him, and so far he hasnt cheated on me. . .
Posts: 131 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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