background info: I've been going out with this guy for about 13 months now and I absolutely love him to death.. the thing is, i don't like the fact that he drinks a lot and that he doesn't take care of his responsibilities. I'm going up to Tampa for college in a year and originally, he was supposed to move up there with me. Now im constantly debating whether or not this is going to be a good idea because I am going to college and being in a serious relationship has it's pros and cons but mainly, im concerened with the fact that moving in with him is a big step and I don't know if i want to risk it if he's just going to keep messing up. But I also feel like i'm too in love with him to leave him. It's really been getting to me lately, especially since I started hanging out with this friend of mine, who, basically has everything my boyfriend doesnt. I kinda developed a crush on this other guy but I didn't tell my boyfriend about it, why cause problems? So here's the thing: On tuesday, I told myboyfriend that i need to take a break from him and our relationship for a couple days to sort everything out that I've been contemplating lately. So it's been a few days since we've been on our "break" but last night I was hanging out with my crush and a couple other friends and he ended up kissing me. I don't consider this "cheating" on my boyfriend because technicaly we're not together for right now. I wanted to have a talk about all the stuff that's been on my mind with my (ex?)boyfriend tonight, but I don't know whether or not to tell him about the kiss. I'm thinking that it may only cause jealousy, etc. problems that may not be worth it. Any advice about any of this would be very helpful.. thanx!
Either he's your boyfriend or he isn't, but sounds like you need to make up your mind on that point. Even in this one post, you go back and forth on that a whole lot.
It isn't fair -- not saying you're doing this, only you know if you are -- to keep holding on to the shred of one relationship because it may be, in your mind, better than nothing, while you shop out elsewhere, no matter your agreement (and it doesn't sound like you have one at the moment, but tthat you're banking on the ambiguity of the thing).
If you can't inform this guy you're smooching others, or, as you seem to be, considering other partners and trying them on, as it were, then it sounds like it all likely ISN'T really okay, or it'd be okay to disclose. I'd say that if you were deeply in love with him, you'd not feel right unless you did disclose it, and the feelings you've been having.
Truth be told, it sounds more to me not like you're too in love with him to leave him, but that you're too afraid of not having someone to fall back on to leave him.
The thing is, I don't feel right not telling him.. i think that would be the hardest thing in the world for me to do. i'm just scared that he would see it as a lot worse then it actually was, and it would create a lot of problems and i'm scared that i would lose such a great guy over something that, to me, was just a kiss that made me get this other guy off my mind (i don't have feelings for my (ex)crush anymore). And I can honestly tell you, that in my heart.. I do love my boyfriend but at the same time.. your right, I am afraid of losing him and not having someone there. I mean, I know myself.. and most of the time I'm very honest.. especially to my boyfriend.. I have never ever kept anything from him, and hes the same with me.. so when i get a chance to have a talk with him about all the other stuff that's been bothering me, I'm half way positive that I'm gonna end up telling him about the kiss. It's just I'm sooo scared of losing the one person in my life that has actually showed me how it feels to be loved, and even though we weren't together when the kiss happened, i feel guilty, now that i think about it, because I know how much my b/f loves me and I'm positive that during our break, he dind't go out and kiss any other girls.
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.