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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Doubting

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Author Topic: Doubting
CuriousCat
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Member # 13365

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My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now (one year May 31st) and in January my grandma entered the hospital. (I'm in high school, btw, so I still live with my mom.) My grandma used to live with us and I used to think I hated her but when I saw her in the hospital I realized that I loved her. She was in the hospital for about two months and it was a hard time for me. She lives with my aunts now in another state. During that time, the feeling of love for my boyfriend faded and now I don't feel it often. When I do, it's just a mere stirring in my heart. However, we had a fight recently and I *almost* cried a couple times. When I get online and see he's not on, my heart sinks a little. Even thinking this way hurts me. I mentioned this to him and have since convinced him that I do still love him, and I do feel that sometimes, too. He truly is the greatest guy on earth, even though he can be a jerk sometimes (but not in an evil-husband-from-Lifetime way; just in a teasing, getting-on-your-nerves-on-purpose way).
I guess I was just wondering if it's possible for the feeling of love to just take a back seat after a while, sort of like you've gotten used to feeling it so it doesn't especially show itself to you all the time.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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quote:
Originally posted by CuriousCat:
He truly is the greatest guy on earth...

Actually, Vin Scully is the greatest guy on earth. But we'll throw your boy in the number two slot if you'd like.

I think you may be somewhat misguided if you think the number of times you cry over someone equates the level of love you feel for that person. There are those who are deeply in love who don't cry over one another, and then there are those who cry over people they've never even met. It's just not a great barometer to use at all.

But as far as your overall feeling of affection goes, that can ebb and flow as time goes by. Oatmeal never gets hotter than when you pull it from the oven, and some relationships tend to lose a small bit of their passion when the infatuation wears off. In successful relationships, that is replaced by a feeling of comfort around your mate that is unmatched elsewhere, and so the relationship thrives. If you aren't feeling that, this is okay too. Not every relationship works for everyone, and it may just not be functioning the way you'd like it to. No harm there.

But the key here is being honest with him. If you've managed to convince him that you love him when you aren't even sure if you do, you are doing him a great disservice. What you should be doing instead is letting him know how you feel, laying it on the table, and seeing how he feels in return. If neither of you feel that things are working out, you've got your answer. If one of you decides it's not working, the other can ponder whether there is something that can be done or whether it would be best to shake hands and walk away. But either way, being honest is the best way to go.

I hope things work out for you. Try talking to your boy about things and see where that gets you. And keep us posted. Take care!

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BruinDan, "Number Three," FHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.


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Milke
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quote:
Oatmeal never gets hotter than when you pull it from the oven . . .

Oven?! Well, I guess this is why *I* do the cooking.

Cat, love aside, do you actually *like* this guy?

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Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP, MF

'We're gonna light up the dark of night like the brightest day in a whole new way . . .'


Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kissywissy11
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ive felt like this too sometimes. it can be pretty confusing. it might just be that you are too familiar with him. i went away for 2 weeks, and came back missing my bf like crazy. maybe you just need some time out to see how you really feel.
Posts: 68 | From: australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CuriousCat
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Okay...responding:
Milke, yes I do like him. I happen to be the only person I know who actually thinks he's hot. I have my bf listed as one of the top two hottest guys in school but no one (not even my mom) will say that he's anything more than alright :P And he can make me laugh and feel loved and comforted. The only thing I want to do at night is curl up in his arms and go to sleep. He makes me feel at peace.
That sort of responds to Dan, doesn't it? :P
And I have to agree with kissy. I have a feeling that I just need a little time away. Summer is coming up and last summer we didn't even see each other once. He goes to camp for two weeks, too, so I'm just going to wait it out over summer.
I read some of our old convos and the E-mails he sent me way back from the beginning of our relationship (coz I'm weird and I save them :P) and it was like I refreshed all my old feelings. I think I just needed something to remind me of my feelings for him. Even as I started this topic, my mind kept saying "but I love him" over and over. And I truly think I do. He cares for me a lot. Around our anniversary he talked about his feelings for me and it overwhelmed me. I never had an idea that he cared for me that much, or ever would. *sighs dreamily*
Now if he would just get online... :P

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krayzieqt55
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Member # 12554

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<<<<<<<<<I read some of our old convos and the E-mails he sent me way back from the beginning of our relationship (coz I'm weird and I save them :P) and it was like I refreshed all my old feelings. I think I just needed something to remind me of my feelings for him.>>>>>>>>>

One of the biggest mistakes that you can make in a relationship is to dwell on the MEMORIES. If you have to look BACK at the things you did together and then your feelings for him come back, your basically saying.. I love the way it USED to be... not, I love the way it IS. Trust me on this one, I've done it plenty of times( i guess i don't seem to learn, haha). If you can think of things that have happened RECENTLY, and you get those "i love him so much" feelings.. then that's one thing... but otherwise, your just going to keep "sleeping with the past."

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~*~XoX~*~


Posts: 26 | From: florida | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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