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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » what now?

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Author Topic: what now?
Iluvbud
Neophyte
Member # 11935

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I have been with my boyfriend for four years. Yesterday he told me that I am just there to him. He also said that it doesn't even feel like we are going out. But I see him at least 4 times a week and we have sex and everything. I just don't understand how he can feel this way. It totally crushed me. I have been so sad and depressed. I don't know what to do now. How can I make it feel like we are together and show him how much i love him? He has just been so distant lately, like he is too cool for me and I hate it!!!!!!!!! What could I do to spice things up and it last???
Posts: 18 | From: Crestwood,Mo,United States | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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Honestly hon we're not going to be able to give you much help; the only person who knows what your boyfriend is looking for in a relationship is your boyfriend. The two of you will need to sit down and discuss what each of you want and how you can make that happen.

However, maintaining the relationship should not fall on your shoulders alone. There are two people involve here and both of you need to be willing to put in the effort relationships require.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AlwaysWorried
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Maybe it's because you do the same things all the time? Me and my gf got stuck in a routine and eventually we just couldn't be bothered to see each other, luckily we noticed it and started doing other things.
Posts: 125 | From: Leicestershire, England | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Iluvbud
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Member # 11935

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Thanks guys I broke it off with him a few days ago and i'm looking in to someone else.
Posts: 18 | From: Crestwood,Mo,United States | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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quote:
Originally posted by Iluvbud:
Thanks guys I broke it off with him a few days ago and i'm looking in to someone else.

Seem a little quick to you, darlin'? I know how common it is to fly from one guy to another, but I think you'd do best to sort of let things settle for a bit before you launch into something else right off the bat.

It's more than likely that you'll just end up having the same problems with your new boy that you had with Bud. You haven't had time to figure out what went wrong, what you could do differently, and whether you're even ready for someone else just yet. And without those conditions having been satisfied, I'd certainly not recommend diving into things with a new beau right now.

I don't mean to be a stick-in-the-mud, but I also don't want to see you posting back here in three months nursing yet another heartbreak. You don't need that at all.

------------------
BruinDan, "Number Three," FHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.


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Iluvbud
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Thanks but in order for me to stop thinking about Bud I need someone else to be there for me and for me to think about. I feel so much better now that I have the "new guy" on my mind insted of the jerk ex.
Posts: 18 | From: Crestwood,Mo,United States | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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quote:
Thanks but in order for me to stop thinking about Bud I need someone else to be there for me and for me to think about.

You know what? Feeling that you always need to have someone else to be there for you and to provide something for you to think about isn't necessarily the most psychologically healthy way to be.

If you feel that you're incomplete or can't function without having a boyfriend, that can get you into all sorts of trouble.

It also creates the danger that you'll end up using other people - starting a relationship with someone for the sake of "having a boyfriend", not because you actually want to be with that particular person.

So I'd suggest that you think about BruinDan's wise words and consider taking some time off before jumping into the next relationship - or at least spend enough time thinking about it to make sure that you're not doing so just because you're scared of being alone.


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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