Hi everyone, it's been a long time since i've posted a topic, and i'd really appreciate some advice. So heres the deal:
My bf and i have been "together" for over 3 years, and will be officially together for 3 years in a couple of months. In the beginning, (about the 1st year or so) he was an a**hole! and would always talk about other girls being hott, and making me feel like crap!! He would also talk about one of his good friends girlfriends, and at my Junior prom and sr. Homecoming dance, he was looking at her, and talking about her, and it killed me!, well after i got some courage, i confronted him about how much it hurt me, him talking like that, (which i should have confronted him as soon as it started, but i'm not very forward w/my feelings, so it's my fault to for not sayin anything) Well after I confronted him and told him how much it hurt me, he stopped immeadiately! and appoligized like crazy and knows he was a jerk, things have been going great and we are now crazy in love w/eachother, and he now makes me feel really good about myself etc... (bad boy gone good) heres the problem, the situation w/his friends girlfriend (by the way, all he did was TALK about this girl, and flirt w/her, she never thought anything of it and doesn't know about it, and he never tried to hook up with her etc...) really hurt me, normally, some one would soon get over it, after things got better, BUT his friend and this girl are still together, therefore we end up going on double dates etc... and when my b/f goes to his friends family fuctions (he's been friends with this guy forever, and is very close with his whole family), this girl is there, and i can't help but think about the way my b/f was before about her when i'm around her, i still feel like crap about myself when we are around her, even though i know my b/f loves me and only me, and he also blows the other girl off when we are around her, and shows no interest, but still i find it very hard to get over something when its a part of your life, and i can't help but wish that this girl and her b/f would break up so i won't have to deal w/her (and i feel bad for feeling like that). It's even harder cuz this girl has no idea about any of this, so it's not that i have anything really personal against her, it's just i guess the situation makes me not like her, and when i have to be around her it makes me want to puke! I feel bad for being emotional and moody when we hang out with them, my boyfriend has felt so much guilt already about things, and him (and me) just want to focus on how things are now(which are great). Is it psycho of me to still be getting so emotional over this?? any advice on how to forget about it, and deal with it when i'm around her? I'd really appreciate any advice i can get! Thanks a lot! (sorry for this being so long)
Posts: 161 | From: Kenosha, Wisconsin, USA | Registered: Jun 2000
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Don't let what he does decide how you feel about yourself. I know that girls are more or less subconsciously taught to do just that but even so it isn't right. You should feel good about yourself for who you are, not because of what your boyfriend thinks or does.
As for how to go about redefining your self-image I don't know if there is anything I can say that would help. I do know that you need to be your own person, complete unto yourself, and not just an extension of your boyfriend, or otherwise defined by your relationship with him.
hmmmm, That is a tough little situation you got there hon. It's tough because it's all mental, like you said you know he loves you, but knowing he finds the girlfrind attractive keeps niggling at you.
I thought I dould help, but the more I think about it the less I seem to be able to help, the only thing I can come up with is to just talk, talk to your boyfrined and maybe talk to the girlfrined? You said she didn't know, I'm getting muddled, but what I thik I'm trying to say is talk.
I'm so sorry if this isn't any help, I thought I could, but I was wrong!
------------------ Why is it that the person that makes you cry, is the only one who can make you stop.
I would suggest talking to your BF, and maybe seeing if it would be alright if you go with him to a few these events, just to check things out. Don't feel weird asking, at all events like this, the more the merrier
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