Originally posted by krayzieqt55:
Well, the thing is... I'm not really concerned with 'who to choose' .. more of, is it normal? or ok? to like one person when you love another?
What's "normal" and what's "beneficial to a relationship" do not always equate to one another. While it's certainly common enough to feel some sort of attraction to one person while you're dating another, it is how you react to such a situation that will dictate whether or not your relationship will thrive or fail.
What struck me about your posts first and foremost was that you've got a good and healthy set of ideas of what you would like for yourself. You mentioned that you are concerned about your future, and about your boyfriend's alcohol intake, both of which are very mature issues that are all too often overlooked. You should feel good about the fact that you're able to tackle such issues, even if they can be confusing at times. Good for you.
Aside from that, what I saw in your posts was a pervasive sense of doubt. You're beginning to question whether the future you'd have with your boyfriend is something you're ready for and something you'd like for yourself, and this is posing a problem. It lends an overall air of confusion to your relationship, and Mister Joey doesn't help matters any.
What I might suggest you do is break things down a bit. First of all, I'm not inclined to blame Joey for this whole thing because my gut tells me that maybe you've had niggling doubts about your future with your boyfriend for some time. Am I right? This does not mean you do not love your boyfriend at all, instead it just means you are concerned about where you will end up and want to ensure you grant yourself the future you want. And there is certainly no shame in that!
But what you might want to do is look at everything under a microscope. Are you feeling "trapped" by your relationship? Do you feel like you're not ready to commit to something as serious as moving up north together? Do you feel as though there may be someone better for you out there? There are all things to ask yourself, and maybe the answers to those questions will shed some light on the situation.
It's also worth noting that big-time decisions need not be made in high school. In fact, I'm damned glad I didn't make any huge life decisions (like getting married, committing myself to my high school girlfriend) back then, simply because I've changed so much since I graduated waaaay back in the 20th Century. Growing and maturing are things that will change how you see things, and setting yourself up by making lifetime commitments in high school can sometimes inhibit that same growth. There are always exceptions, and there's no doubt in my mind that a couple could conceivable decide to stick together at age 16 and live a long and happy life together. But at the same time, you're about to embark on a journey to college which will no doubt provide you with all sorts of new and varied experiences. And perhaps you're feeling as though you're ready for those new and varied experiences, and would like to sort of step out of the high school shell you've created for yourself.
And again, there is nothing wrong with that. It's all going to be up to what you decide, how you'd like to live your life. College is just the first step towards maintaining your own life and making your own decisions, and you've got the added bonus of having to make big relationship decisions too. Aren't you lucky?
So listen to BigBrotherBruinDan's advice here, and take a bit of time to figure out what you want out of all this. I know these things aren't ever easy, but nobody can really make this choice but you. Take care and good luck!
BruinDan, "Number Three," FHOM
Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.