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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I like someone else....!

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Author Topic: I like someone else....!
krayzieqt55
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Member # 12554

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So I've been going out with this guy fro a year this tuesday.. but friday night i hung out with a couple friends and I started talking to this guy Joey. He's such a sweet guy and has a great personality. Hes cute... not hot.. but cute. He tried to kiss me but I stopped him and said I can't becuase I have a boyfriend. So he backed off. Here's the problem, I've been hanging out with my boyfriend today and been thinking about Joey ALOT. My boyfriend and I were planning to move up to Tampa next year when I go to college (same college that Joey will be going to this year). And we always said that we were going to marry each other, etc. My boyfriend is an amazing sweet, good-looking guy.. but the main thing that I dont like about him is that he doesnt have any plans/goals for the future (I'm a very goal-oriented, future-oriented person) He's currently a mechanic but I know he could do so much better than that, he's just not motivated. This, and the fact that he likes to drink.. not like an alcoholic, but just a little too much for my taste. This guy Joey.. hes going to college, wants to get into criminal investigation... he drinks socially.. not like my boyfriend now. And I'm starting to doubt my boyfriend and mine's future now. Is there something wrong with loving one guy, but having feelings for someone else? Should I tell me boyfriend how I feel about this guy or is that just info that he doesnt need to know b/c it'll hurt him too much? I still really love him.. it's just that now I kind of like this other guy (even though Joey's leavin for college in a month.) Is it wrong to like someone else? Does that mean that I dont actually love my boyfriend? I thought I did.. but I don't know how its possible for me to like someone else now?

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~*~XoX~*~


Posts: 26 | From: florida | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lee
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You need to sort this out on your own and then act on what you decide. Telling your boyfriend anything about this is a very good way to cause a lot of trouble. If you need to talk to someone about it tell someone you can trust to keep your secret. As for who you should choose, that isn't something that I can really give you advice about. I may be outspoken and opinionated, but there are things that even I know I don't know.

Lee


Posts: 175 | From: Tempe, AZ USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
krayzieqt55
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Member # 12554

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I forgot to add, that the main reason I was so confused was because I was so in love with my boyfriend just an hour before, and me n Joey just kind of hit it off and suddenly I'm contemplating whether or not I'm ready for such a committing relationship. I don't want to act out of a random little lusting for someone else and break up with my boyfriend, but at the same time... I don't know how much I'm missing out on if I stay with him. Theoretically speaking, What if Joey wasn't leaving in a month and I could get into a relationship with him. So I take a break from my boyfriend, and see how things go with Joey. If things are good than alright, but what if they end up bad? Than I think about, did i end my first relationship stupidly? I had a great guy and I threw it all away just because I wanted to see how something else was? Or what if I don't attempt anything with Joey? Am i missing an opportunity to expeience other guys and find someone thats better than my current boyfriend (if thats even possible because he really is a great guy.)? I'm sooooo confused, its making me go insane!

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~*~XoX~*~


Posts: 26 | From: florida | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
krayzieqt55
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Member # 12554

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Well, the thing is... I'm not really concerned with 'who to choose' .. more of, is it normal? or ok? to like one person when you love another?

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~*~XoX~*~


Posts: 26 | From: florida | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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quote:
Originally posted by krayzieqt55:
Well, the thing is... I'm not really concerned with 'who to choose' .. more of, is it normal? or ok? to like one person when you love another?


What's "normal" and what's "beneficial to a relationship" do not always equate to one another. While it's certainly common enough to feel some sort of attraction to one person while you're dating another, it is how you react to such a situation that will dictate whether or not your relationship will thrive or fail.

What struck me about your posts first and foremost was that you've got a good and healthy set of ideas of what you would like for yourself. You mentioned that you are concerned about your future, and about your boyfriend's alcohol intake, both of which are very mature issues that are all too often overlooked. You should feel good about the fact that you're able to tackle such issues, even if they can be confusing at times. Good for you.

Aside from that, what I saw in your posts was a pervasive sense of doubt. You're beginning to question whether the future you'd have with your boyfriend is something you're ready for and something you'd like for yourself, and this is posing a problem. It lends an overall air of confusion to your relationship, and Mister Joey doesn't help matters any.

What I might suggest you do is break things down a bit. First of all, I'm not inclined to blame Joey for this whole thing because my gut tells me that maybe you've had niggling doubts about your future with your boyfriend for some time. Am I right? This does not mean you do not love your boyfriend at all, instead it just means you are concerned about where you will end up and want to ensure you grant yourself the future you want. And there is certainly no shame in that!

But what you might want to do is look at everything under a microscope. Are you feeling "trapped" by your relationship? Do you feel like you're not ready to commit to something as serious as moving up north together? Do you feel as though there may be someone better for you out there? There are all things to ask yourself, and maybe the answers to those questions will shed some light on the situation.

It's also worth noting that big-time decisions need not be made in high school. In fact, I'm damned glad I didn't make any huge life decisions (like getting married, committing myself to my high school girlfriend) back then, simply because I've changed so much since I graduated waaaay back in the 20th Century. Growing and maturing are things that will change how you see things, and setting yourself up by making lifetime commitments in high school can sometimes inhibit that same growth. There are always exceptions, and there's no doubt in my mind that a couple could conceivable decide to stick together at age 16 and live a long and happy life together. But at the same time, you're about to embark on a journey to college which will no doubt provide you with all sorts of new and varied experiences. And perhaps you're feeling as though you're ready for those new and varied experiences, and would like to sort of step out of the high school shell you've created for yourself.

And again, there is nothing wrong with that. It's all going to be up to what you decide, how you'd like to live your life. College is just the first step towards maintaining your own life and making your own decisions, and you've got the added bonus of having to make big relationship decisions too. Aren't you lucky?

So listen to BigBrotherBruinDan's advice here, and take a bit of time to figure out what you want out of all this. I know these things aren't ever easy, but nobody can really make this choice but you. Take care and good luck!

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BruinDan, "Number Three," FHOM

Beware the naked man who offereth you his pants.


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krayzieqt55
Neophyte
Member # 12554

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Thank you so much... that was really really good advice, it helped a lot.. I think im just going to stay with my current boyfriend and see if this little crush goes away... im sure it will... and as for moving up to tampa with him... i dont have to make that decision yet.. so we'll see how the next year goes and how/if things change. thanks again tho, i really appreciate it
Posts: 26 | From: florida | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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