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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » HELP!!!! He proposed, and I'm not ready!!!

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Author Topic: HELP!!!! He proposed, and I'm not ready!!!
Member # 10988

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My boyfreind of 6 months proposed to me today. I'm really touched, but there's no way I would marry him right now. Were both 16 and sophmores in HIGH SCHOOL. I told him that We're too young and that it was too soon. The fact is that I've just turned down a marriage proposal, and that's rather traumatizing. That kind of commitment is just scary at this point. My life is has enough trauma as it is without trying to deal with marriage. I don't even know if Chris is the one I want to marry. I love being with him, but I don't know anything about marriage at this point. I'm just plain terrified at this point, and could really use some counciling... Please send some words of advice...
Posts: 12 | From: Kansas | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 961

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Can you imagine how much you'd be freaking out now if you'd said yes? You knew you weren't ready, you said so, and while that may have come with its own trauma, lying about it, or trying to delay answering could have made things far, far more painful.

Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP

Word up!

Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2340

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Take a deep breath.

Ok... You really did the right thing by telling the truth. IMHO, getting married before you're ready, and to someone you're not sure about, is one of the biggest mistakes of you can make.

How did he react to what you said? You sound like you really like him and you want to stay with him but you're just not ready for the kind of commitment he wants. That's totally ok.

Lemme tell you a story. When I was 16 and my boyfriend was 18, he proposed to me. I said almost exactly what you said. Now I'm 18 and he's 20 and we both are still very much in love with each other, but we realized that had we gotten married as soon as we can, we'd be miserable. We're not ready to handle everything that comes with a marriage.

You have a very mature attitude, and I think what you are doing is the best thing for you. Only you know what you're ready for.

*lots of hugs*


Posts: 286 | From: Ames, IA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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