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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Not taking sides

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Author Topic: Not taking sides
Member # 10345

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Ok, yesterday I was caught in quite a dilema. I'm in cadets, a military youth organization. And we have this program called CHAP, Cadet Harrasment and Abuse Program.

Anyways, one of my officers yesturday was talking about an incident with him and my girlfriend to a class of cadets at our summer training establishment. Basically he was CHAPPED, by my girlfriend. It's sort of like a criminal charge, except it's a cadet charge and just goes into your cadet file. At the time my officer was a cadet.

The officer did not know she is my girlfriend and the cadets didn't know who any of the cadets involved were, because the officer used Cadet X, etc. He has his opinion and my girfriend has her own.

I've been told two different opinions. But my opinion on the whole thing is to stay out of it. Because I was never invovled with this thing, and still don't exactly know what happened, especially since I didn't know my girlfriend at the time it happened.

When my officer was telling the class this, I was there, listening to his words. Though it seems that one of my cadets has informed her that I was somehow "smiling and laughing" Though I know I kept a straight face.

I probably could of kept this thing a whole secret, never telling her this, and never getting into this whole argument. But I knew that was wrong. And she should be told. Here are my questions: Is it wrong of me to not take sides? even though one of them is my girlfriend and I love her very much? Does anyone know how I could resolve this? Any answers will be greatly appreciated.

Posts: 7 | From: Oakville, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 10345

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Like to love somebody, should you always be on their side? Or am I just stupid?
Posts: 7 | From: Oakville, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 1207

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Considering you didn't know your gf at the time of the incident, i would say staying neutral is the best way to go.

And no, you don't need to always agree w/ someone (or 'be on their side') to love them. I love my parents and my bf, and i don't always agree w/ them ... in fact, i rarely agree w/ them

The key is to get your feeings across w/o hurting other people's feelings in the process. If you're going to tell her that you wish to stay neutral in this situation, tell her why.

[This message has been edited by LilBlueSmurf (edited 01-24-2003).]

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 4356

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I think it has a lot to do (IMO) about respect.

In all likelihood, she just needs to be believed. To have your bf say, guess what honey, I'm not taking sides, seems synonymous with not wanting to admit that you don't believe her.

And to be accused, by name or not, of having lied about something like that is pretty serious.

And no, i don't think you have to automatically be on her side just cause you're going out.

Posts: 433 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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