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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Hi all (And a question)

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Author Topic: Hi all (And a question)
marty
Neophyte
Member # 9980

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Hi everyone

I just turned 16 about 2 months ago (Well... I guess just turned, seems like yesterday) and I still havnt been in a relationship with a girl. I'm not really sure if it bothers me, I'm kind of a softy at heart I think so I guess I feel like I'm missing out on something but I've just never been... "outgoing" enough. I was just wondering if other people havnt had a relationship at my age. Most of my friends are in or have been in a relationship and I guess I just feel odd.

Well, thanks to all the Moderators here for a great site. Sometimes its nice to just sit back and read over the "True love" kind of posts.

Have a good one everyone *Smile*


Posts: 23 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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I didn't even go out on my first date until I was 19...so no, you're not alone. In fact, I know quite a few people who didn't start dating and relating as soon as they got out of dipers. One of my best friends right now is 21 and hasn't had a relationship or a date.

Don't stress over it. There's always going to be something in life that makes you feel old or like you're the only one not doing something. My little sister just started college...that makes me feel old. My friends are all apparently getting married...that makes me feel old. I can't tell you how many people I know that are having babies...that makes me feel old. Raiders of the Lost Arc is showing on AMC now...that makes me feel old. See a trend here?

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KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Advocate (and Labia Lady)

"The whole world is full of morons...they just congregate on the internet cause it's easy for them to push the buttons."


Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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if it's worth anything to you, here are some tips on how to meet people. whether you want to date them is up to you.

Meeting People (from the Relationships FAQ) http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum3/HTML/001832.html http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum3/HTML/001106.html http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum3/HTML/001643.html

and hey, there's no set timeline for dating for any of this.

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"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t." Homer J. Simpson
"Mmm ... floor pie!" Homer J. Simpson


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Zanney
Activist
Member # 8696

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quote:
Originally posted by marty:
I still havnt been in a relationship with a girl ... Most of my friends are in or have been in a relationship and I guess I just feel odd.

Hi Marty!

The biggest mistake you can make is to do something - particularly when it involves another party, as in sex and relationships - is to do it just because "everyone else" is. Or to even feel obliged to do something because everyone else is.

There is no rule saying you have to be in a relationship by a certain age (if ever, at all), and I would honestly recommend waiting until you meet someone you want to be in a relationship with because of this person, not because of what other people are doing.

So please don't worry yourself over it. If anything, jumping into a relationship before you feel ready or if you don't really want it can be a recipe for disaster.

Hoping this helps,

Rose-Anne

PS: Kitten, I know how you feel about feeling old (even though I'm younger than you). I've just picked up new students, and I feel so old when I see them write their birthdate as "1994" and "1995"!


Posts: 419 | From: Tivoli | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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Hehe, I'm just now realizing that when you said odd, I read it as old...hence the discussion of how old I feel now. Apparently I'm losing my mind or something. Probably comes with being the ripe old age of 21.
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TheCagedOne
Activist
Member # 3746

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Hey Marty,
I was 17 before I was ever involved in a relationship. I know I was having the same kind of feelings you're expressing. I felt left out because I felt like the only one that didn't have a girlfriend. On the other hand, I realized that being single has its upside too. I didn't need to be with someome just to feel loved and wanted. Find something you love to do, have fun with life. You're bound to meet other people you have a lot in common with. Take it easy and try not to worry so much about finding that 'someone'. Like I said, just have fun.

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"A wise monkey never monkeys with another monkey's monkey"
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"We're all here cuz we're not all there"


Posts: 52 | From: Usually somewhere between MI & FL - currently KY | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Big_Dawgg
Neophyte
Member # 9955

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Here's a crazy thought...I'm 21 and have NEVER Had a girlfriend or been on a date! Does it bother me?...A little but I try not to woory too much because, you just gotta go with the flow, If there is someone you like and would like to get to know more, try striking up a conversation. If you shy like me it is extremely hard to do, but Ladies love being told that a guy would ask them out. I know because I'm trying to ask this girl out at my work, but it's difficult because I tend to freeze when i want to ask her something, but she and I had some time at the membership desk to have an actual conversation, it was actually about sports, and I got to know a little bit more about her and the same goes for her, so If you have to take it one step at a time. The least you can do is introduce yourself, and ask her her name, if they walk away..oh well. Now I know you may not have the luxury of talking to a girl everday, but as I said if there is a certain "special Someone" you want to go out with...And she is at your school of you see her regularly, strike up a conversation, it's a very good way to get to know her, and you may become friends which can lead to more.

REMEMBER I have a best friend through the years since we could date has had a girlfriends since I can remember, but they haven't lasted that long. Me on the other hand has a gut feeling, I may only date one, or two, girls before the right one comes along. Be patient. I'm a very romantic person and I feel I would make a very good companion to a young lady out there, but I need to get past step one and to do that it takes time, and I know we all must and are probably going to face rejection, but actually... think of it this way...

Remember when you asked you parents for something that either a 50-50 chance or something that was almost impossible to get. We'll you always tried for the Almost impossible first and then if that didn't work, then you went to the 50/50. Well asking out a girl or young lady... is a 50/50 shot. If you don't know what you are doing , stumble or trip up in a coversation..don't worry, I'm sure they know you nervous and if in doubt tell them, and I can bet you they are juat as nervous as you are, because once you ask the question...they answer and it's them who determines the outcome...Usually.

So I suggest take a day think about the relationship and what it means to you and if you truly are missing out on something, and go with your Gut feeling!
PEACE
BD

P.S. Now for me to use my adivce and get some guts.

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"Be Yourself" a subjective cliche in the general sense. You can't be yourself until you "find" yourself.


Posts: 27 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
marty
Neophyte
Member # 9980

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Thanks for the replies everyone, I dont really think I'm in a rush to get into a relationship, although it seems nice, I guess I just thought I was missing out on something everyone else had already experienced at my age. Now though I feel better knowing I'm not the only one whos been in my situation. Thanks as well Gumdrop Girl for the links, I tried but failed to find something myself

Big_Dawgg, thanks. I'm always freezing up in front of girls, its fine when I'm in a group conversation but the moment I'm alone with ANY girl I dont know what to say and end up standing in silence (Which cant make a good impression). I never thought about it like asking my parents for something although your right, thanks for some great advice and I guess I will just "Go with the flow".

Thanks again to everyone here, this is place is great.

Have a good one


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Just a note:

quote:
Ladies love being told that a guy would ask them out.

That simply isn't so. Not only are many, many women not interested in men at all, but many women simply don't base their esteem on things like that, nor do all women appreciate being told that sort of thing, with an endless focus on a woman's worth as being date-worthy, all the time even if they are interested in dating men.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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Big_Dawgg
Neophyte
Member # 9955

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Miz Scarlet, thanks for pointing that out. I at first was like when did i write that...but i fould the quote and realized that a Brain Freeze must have passed through my head, i was writing and i tend to gear off the topic or out of context.

But In my experiences with the opposite sex, I have found that many of them do like to be told that they would be asked out, but a lot of them think it's "sweet" when someone tells them that. And "sweet" could mean they are just trying to be nice(or maybe i've hit it lucky so far). As for the self-esteem I wouldn't think they base it on that, and actually i hope they wouldn't because that's seems unhealthy. I am also positive that not ALL women like being told that a guy would go out with them(I really don't know how I wrote that quote), also a guy may not like another guy telling his woman either

WE ALL ARE Learning. "Practice makes Improvement".

PEACE!
BD

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"Be Yourself" a subjective cliche in the general sense. You can't be yourself until you "find" yourself.


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kena
Neophyte
Member # 10011

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I know a lot of guys in their early twenties who've had very little if any dates, let alone serious relationships. And there's nothing wrong with them, it's just that the occasion didn't arise yet. In fact, most people I know had their first dates in their late teens (~17-18). So there's nothing wrong with you.

The media would like us to believe that every teenager has a tremendous social life and goes on amazing dates with lots of different people all the time. But in my experience, it only happens to a minority of people.


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