Okay, so here it is. There is this guy i've liked for a few years. But he never really talked to me or showed any intrest in me as a friend, acquineetence, human being Ect. I'de see him every day, and he never said hi....even though he knew who I was. So it pissed me off and I started to like "despise" him, or so I convinced myself. So today, I saw him, and he still didnt talk to me. and Its just like damn, no matter what I do he'll never like me. And it sucks, and there is nothing I can do about it. I know that if he's like that, hes not worth my time. But it still makes me sad.
So have any of you ever felt that way. Like no matter what you do, someone will never like you. Becuase I could use support right now.
Ohhhh, yeah I have. It's the worst when it feels like all you do is think about that person - like, a "supercrush", and yet even when you (nervewrackingly) muster up a "hey", they respond with a "um, who are you and do I know you?" look. And, ohmygod, I totally do the "despise" thing. It's like, you start to resent them for taking up so much of your time and so many of your thoughts (and for some reason, I always end up feeling really nerdy or ridiculous, so I think "why would they like ME?")- even though it's not exactly their fault - but there's still that weird heartstopping, butterflies feeling when you see them. Or maybe that's just me. Good luck. I know that your dilemma will come to an end sometime...it helps to be patient. Try to become involved in something like music or sports or art, and devote your time to perfecting whatever hobbies that you might have.
I think lots of people have been in your situation.
Have you ever tried approaching this guy yourself, just to say hi? If not, its always possible that he may feel too nervous to talk to you. Even if that's not the case, the fact that he doesn't talk to you may simply be because he doesn't feel he knows you well enough to initiate any sort of conversation. Just think- when you walk into a room full of people, do you tend to say hello to every person there?
Do remember that these things work both ways, and he can't read your mind. You can't "make" anyone like you, but you can let them know that you're around by initiating conversations, or even just saying hi in the corridor at school.
I'm going to move this thread on over to Relationships; I think you'll get better answers in there.
Well, I guess its a good point that I should try and initiate the conversation myself and say hi. I think I'll try that someday, when hes the only one around, so no one will witness if hes a totally rejects me. If I ever get the courage. I guess I always thought he knew I liked him, so if he wanted to say hi, he would. I mean, to me he seems cool, I figured he knew he was cool enough that I wouldnt reject him. But I guess it could be possible he didnt pick up those "come hither" vibes. I guess I just needed some perspective on it. It seems so obvious now. But I guess it wasnt berfore.
Thank you, you gave me the perspective I needed I guess.
[This message has been edited by ~You*Know*Who~ (edited 08-18-2002).]
Good for you. Remember that labels like "cool" really are quite superficial. Kids who are cool feel nervous too, and furthermore, simply having a certain social status doesn't automatically qualify someone to be a good friend/conversationalist/boyfriend. Don't see yourself as having less status than this guy, because you don't.
I know this guy, he hangs out with my brother, hes actually quite funny. Hes not perfect, but nobody is and I think he would make a really good friend, if he would talk to me.
And I see myself as lower status than anyone I like, its a thing I have, I just dont feel like I could get anyone I like. I usually dont show it. I am quite confident just not with guys I like. To me it just always seemed that he should know I would never reject him becuase I thought he was a cool person. He just acts like he knows he could get any girl he wanted to get.
you guys do make sense, so I will say Hi, next time I see him. Couldnt hurt. Its just "Hi" and that way he knows I'm into talking to him so if he wants to talk to me he will. And if hes not, its just "Hi". There is no way to lose in that. Its such a perfect plan. I will say "Hi". I cant wait.
And I suggest all the rest of you who are in my possiton do the same. Because, we can all come back and tell our stories about it.
quote:Originally posted by ~You*Know*Who~: And I see myself as lower status than anyone I like, its a thing I have, I just dont feel like I could get anyone I like. I usually dont show it. I am quite confident just not with guys I like.
You know, I am exactly the same way. I often feel like a person I like automatically has some sort of higher status than me and will resent me for liking them, although I am quite confident in many other ways. There's no shame in feeling this way, but it is something that you need to work on, as it can hinder you quite a bit. Fortunately, I am getting better on this front. One technique I've found works well is similar to the technique I used to avoid stage fright when I did public speaking and drama in high school- that is, I pretend to myself that its not difficult, that I have to simply go out there and do something that is no more difficult than brushing my teeth, eating my breakfast or tying my shoelaces. You just have to get out there and do it. Once you've finished, then you can think about how its different to doing everyday things, but not before.
Another thing I've found is that these sorts of issues tend not to exist with people with whom I end up forming meaningful relationships, whether those relationships are romantic or not. While this is not a hard and fast rule (you can certainly form meaningful relationships with people you feel shy around at first), if you do happen to meet someone and feel automatically that you wouldn't be too shy to ask them out, and that you don't find yourself lowering your own status around them, it is a good sign.
Like I said, next time I see this guy i'll say "Hi". That is the first step I'll take. And then next time, it will be easier to start a converstation with him later.
Posts: 252 | From: somwhere, usa | Registered: Sep 2000
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