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Author Topic: ergh...
shining eyes
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Do I have the right to get mad at my boyfriend for looking at porn (I'm pretty sure he does--he has gave some of the most obvious clues...) and checking out other women/girls(which makes me more mad because most porn is just fake and so are the "stars")? It just makes me so upset, but I don't tell him, but when I see him starring at some girls chest--It really pisses me off! He should be looking at MY chest! MINE! I don't check out other guys like that! What you you people think--I think it's very very unfair and hurtful--I don't know why Should I just get back at him and stare at some guys butt or something??! Well tell me what ya think...

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~brittany

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. The whole world can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.

[This message has been edited by shining eyes (edited 07-31-2002).]

[This message has been edited by shining eyes (edited 04-21-2003).]


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mistress_monkey
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i'm not really sure that he's doing anything that wrong. as long as he's not acting out these fantacies with women other than you, i'd say it's pretty okay.

p.s. check this article out. [URL=http://www.scarleteen.com/boyfriend/porn.html[/URL]


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Hail Eris! KaAAIXTI! All hail Discordia! 23 Skidoo!

"If you're going to be a non-conformist, you're going to have to wear the uniform."

[This message has been edited by mistress_monkey (edited 07-31-2002).]

[This message has been edited by mistress_monkey (edited 07-31-2002).]

[This message has been edited by mistress_monkey (edited 07-31-2002).]


Posts: 158 | From: grrrrr, nowhere, usa | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
badly_behaved_badger
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This is where the whole porn debate comes up...Is it okay, is it not okay...But if YOU don't feel happy about YOUR boyfriend looking at porn, YOU need to talk to him about it. Why don't you just say 'I feel wrong about you looking at other girls when we're going out, it hurts my feelings. Don't stew about this, communicate!!!
*Badger*

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Little boys lie still, awake,
Wondering, wondering,
Delicate little boxes of dust - James Wright


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confused333
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While I think that you shouldn't be that mad about him looking at porn, you do have the right to be mad that he is checking out girls right in front of you.

Many guys look at porn, and don't worry huni, like you said it is fake and its not really like they are going to meet these people and do anything with them.

But like everyone before me said talk to him about it. And it isn't cool for him to be looking at other girls while you are around. If you talk to him about checking other girls and he just doesn't get it tell him that next time you go out you're gonna stare at some guys butt and see how he likes it.

Good luck

Ps- I just realized we both live in va!

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Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??

Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.


Posts: 473 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
light_faerie
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First make sure you know whats going on before you get all mad. Also, just a little thing here but I doubt anything more than just [edited] oogling the pretty girls would happen. IF it did, dump him immediatly. But if not, just tell him how you don't approve of his "habits" but don't make him stop.

Whatever, lol, thats my two cents!

Love ya girl
Me

[Edited - see post below.]

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 08-01-2002).]


Posts: 67 | From: Somewhere over the rainbow... | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kythryne
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light, for issues of privacy and safety, we do ask that users refrain from mentioning real names, which is why I edited the two names out of the message above.

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Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Sexpert

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and go well with ketchup.


Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
retarded_brat
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If he watches porn, I doubt he's doing anything wrong. It's his choice what he decides to watch to entertain himself.
It is wrong however to oogle other women, regardless of whether you are around or not. Not only is he being insensitive to your feelings, but he's giving outsiders the impression that what he has in you isn't good enough. To an outside observer watching a "devoted couple", it would seem not-so-devoted if the guy's eyes kept roaming, Vs a guy who had eyes only for his girlfriend.
I also have a question of my own....If a guy is in a relationship, and masturbates thinking and fantasising about another woman, is it cheating?. He is not going to ACT on those fantasies by physically cheating WITH that woman, but is jerking off in the privacy of your own room thinking of another woman cheating?...

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what-me-worry?


Posts: 134 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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quote:
If a guy is in a relationship, and masturbates thinking and fantasising about another woman, is it cheating?

"Is such-and-such cheating?" is always a tricky question to answer, because it really depends on how the people involved define "cheating" and what they are or aren't comfortable with their partner doing. Different people have different boundaries.

However ... generally speaking, I'm inclined to say that people are responsible for their actions, not their fantasies. It's pretty common to fantasize in some way (whether it involves specific people, or just images or stories) when you masturbate, and people often fantasize about things they would never do, or want to do, in real life. Thinking or fantasizing about another person is very different from actually doing something with that other person.

So it's hard for me to see how this could be seen as "cheating" - it might make you feel uncomfortable if you know your partner has fantasies about someone else, but that's another issue. To me, "cheating" seems to apply to actions, not to thoughts.


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shining eyes
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It does make me VERY uncomfortable (even the thought of it does) if he has has fantasies about someone else...I just wish everything was perfect, and he would only think about me in that way! Oh well, I would call it cheating, but most everybody else seems to disagree, so maybe I'm wrong here. Maybe I just need to lighten up, but it's so hard!!

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~brittany

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. The whole world can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.


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confused333
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Just talk to him about it and maybe if he knows how uncomfortable it makes you feel, he won't do it.

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Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??

Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.


Posts: 473 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angelgarbage
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quote:
Originally posted by shining eyes:
It does make me VERY uncomfortable (even the thought of it does) if he has has fantasies about someone else...I just wish everything was perfect, and he would only think about me in that way! Oh well, I would call it cheating, but most everybody else seems to disagree, so maybe I'm wrong here. Maybe I just need to lighten up, but it's so hard!!



It's more likely that he actually has fantasies about you. He's just looking at these other girls sometimes. Just like you probably look at some hot actor or music star. It happens. But if it really bothers you, then you should talk to him about it. There is never any reason to be uncomfertable in the relationship. If something's wrong, fix it.


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madkat
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"talk to him about it".. common.. who are we fooling. Men, for the most part don't listen. I came to this message board to find how others felt about thier boyfriend oogling women right in front of her. Last night I'd had enough of my boyfriend's lies, deception and inconsideratness (from oogling, ect) and broke up with him. Let me tell you from experience.. of 3 years.. they may stop looking at the porn (for the most part) but it affects them for years, or ever for all I know. Not that everyone will agree with this but the only thing I've ever found that helped him with all of his stupidities is God. When I'll see the day he turns to God will be a miracle but it helped him stop looking at porn when I first realized he had the problem. The only redeeming thing I can say about that and the ex is that to my knowledge he doesn't have hard core porn issues anymore. Or at least not nearly to the extent he used to.
Posts: 1 | From: jax,fl | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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Did you actually dig up this three year old thread to tell us that most men don't listen?

Give me a break.

There is nothing wrong w/ your partner for looking at porn. If you have a problem w/ it, that's fine, but own up to it ... Say "I'm not comfortable w/ you looking at other women" rather than "There's something wrong w/ you because you look at porn".

And amongst other things, you're making HUGE generalizations here ... For example, most men don't listen and looking at porn effects men for years (or forever ...?!) ... And what makes you think that women don't look at porn too?

Again, if you have issues w/ porn, that's fine. Own them. Don't go making your issues someone elses problem.

Here's a recent discussion about porn we had in another thread about a month ago, and here's an article about pornography (check it out ... you might learn something.)


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guy420
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"To an outside observer watching a "devoted couple", it would seem not-so-devoted if the guy's eyes kept roaming, Vs a guy who had eyes only for his girlfriend."

that is so damn true. to me it seems that in that situation, he is like window shopping for other women.. but yeah.. with the porn.. dont worry about that.. porn is porn.. its just a way to relieve stress or get to sleep at night when us men feel anxious


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DS66
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Well, as long as you make sure that he understands that porn and real sex/women are different, I don't see a problem. I had that problem once... My ex expected me to look like a pornstar. -_- Needless to say, it caused numerous problems.
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hot4nerds
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Porn is one of the weird areas for people when it come to being okay, or to be considered cheating, I mean people have gotten divorces over it, but that's from not paying attention to thier spouces and giving them affection. That's obsessive.

If that's an issue for you, talk to your boyfriend about it. Say something like "It makes me uncomfortable that you look at that stuff, and especially when you look at other women." and sometimes men/boys do get unrealistic ideas on how women/girls do certain acts and if that's going to be an issue bring that up too.

But you may not be able to stop him (we do need to be realistic int hat area too) Tell him if he's still going to look at it, just ask him not to hint, or talk about it with you because that makes you uncomfortable too.

Remember, everyone has a right to do what makes them happy (as long as it doesn't harm others, themselves, or breaks laws).


Posts: 38 | From: Albany, Ny | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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