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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » This is long I'm sorry, But I kinda need advise

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Author Topic: This is long I'm sorry, But I kinda need advise
KittyKisses143
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First off the question: Do opposites really attract?

Now the ack story: My bf and I have been together for 2 and a half months. The first month everything was great he called me everyday, showered me with compliments, he was the perfect bf. When school got out about 3wks ago things started going downhill. We live 10mins away [driving] so its hard to see each other very often, his sister is always using the car or he has tons of chores he has to do. SO you say why doesn't he call you well his sister is mean about that too, he has two times a day here he can talk to the phone 3:30-4:00 and then 8:00-9:00 and if he is even 5mins late home from anywhere she get on the phone or internet and he can't get on. Then his friend I think his friend wants nothing more to break us up and that scares the pants off me. And the last thing is he was telling me that we total opposites and have nothing in common so yesterday we got together for a day of him teaching me about the stuff he was into. I had alot of fun but he likes like videogames and stuff and he said he wished there was more of a challange. I am doing everything in my power to try to save our relationship but I think is doomed. Also this is his first realationship ever so he new to everything, is there anything in a nice way I can tell him that will help our relationship? What can I do? ANd do any of you have a bf who is a total opposite from you? How is your relationship working out? How do you make it last?


Posts: 8 | From: Orlando | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Daydreamer24
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First off, why change yourself just for someone else? You'll never be happy that way. I think you should just be yourself. He'll find someone that likes video games eventually!

Do opposites attract? In my opinion, no. Scenario: You have a girl, Sally, and a guy, Joe.
Joe likes fishing, hunting, the outdoors, and collecting knives.
Sally likes shopping at Saks 5th Avenue and getting her nails done while reading Cosmopolitan.
If Sally and Joe got together, do you think things would last? I don't, because they are so different they have nothing to talk about. If Joe wants to go fishing, Sally will complain because the rod might ruin her nails.

I think you're getting the picture. People with common interests have a spark and have many manythings to talk about.

<edit> Hey girl, can you please use punctuation? Your post was really hard to read.

[This message has been edited by Daydreamer24 (edited 06-10-2002).]


Posts: 1619 | From: TEXAS | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittyKisses143
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Sorry about the punctuation, I was writing really fast.

The reason we had the day of him teaching me about the stuff he was into was because I knew nothing about it, actually I AM interested in some of the stuff he is into, but because I am a girl I don't give him the challange he enjoys.

We have only been together 3 months but we are completely and totally in love thats why I don't want to just give up on the relationship.

The kinda advise I was looking for was a way to find out things we have in common. You know? But considering to fact that we can't see each other too often.

Thank you very much for your help though, I'm still gonna try to work things out but if noting works I guess the relationship is over.


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Lady Moonlight
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quote:
Originally posted by KittyKisses143:
but because I am a girl I don't give him the challange he enjoys.

Huh?

Sorry, but this line just struck me. How long has he been playing these video games? And you tried it for what, one day? Seems to me that the difference in experience has a lot more to do with your not giving him a challenge than your gender does.

A couple doesn't have to like all the same things. It's good to have some common interests and some that are separate. However, it sounds to me like the real problem here is your inability to spend any time together.

Has he tried talking to his sister about this? Is she his guardian, and if not, where are his parents? You don't say how old either of you are, but has he considered talking to whoever is in charge at his house about sharing resources (like the car and the phone line) a little more equitably? And what about your parents? Would they be willing to loan you the car or, if you're too young to drive, drop you off for a mall date or something?

Finally, even though it's hard, try to accept that chances are this won't be the last relationship you'll ever have. Very few of us end up spending our lives with the first person we ever fall in love with. For most people, it's good to know a variety of people, both as friends and romantically, so that we can figure out what sort of person (if any) we'd like to pair up with permanantly. If things don't work out with your current boyfriend, remember the good parts with a smile, accept the bad parts as a learning experience, and move on.


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KittyKisses143
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Him and I are both are 16 and his sister is 18. THeir mom lives 2 states away and his dad works night shifts, he leaves at 3:00pm (the time my bf gets home from summer school) and doesn't get home til 1:00 am. So basically his sister does have control over what he does.
He's tried talking to his sister but she is one of those people who for some reason doesn't like anyone and wants to make their life miserable. I've tried to ask my parents to drive somewhere to be with him, either the mall, his community pool, movies, etc. But they worry about me too much and think I'll say I'm going there but will end up at his house without parents and YOU KNOW!
I know everyone is tring to help and i sound like I'm just being stubborn, but its like there is this whole history we have together and I don't think I can fix this with anyones help unless you know everything and that would take pages to write out. I'm just gonna try to fix it myself...I'm not going to give up.


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YdidUeatMypickles
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Wow, I'm in the exact same situation! I am tring my hardest to keep together but sometimes its hard to remember how he feels about the relationship. If he doesn't want to be with you then that's his problem- because if he doesn't see you're hard work at this while he is sitting on his bum playing games than that is just...horrilbe! You need to say "We need to talk" and say how you feel about everything.

Communication is the key to everything. But you need to take everybodys advice here...they are all right. But please save yourself the effort and give up if he has already...


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KittyKisses143
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quote:
Originally posted by YdidUeatMypickles:

Communication is the key to everything. But you need to take everybodys advice here...they are all right. But please save yourself the effort and give up if he has already...

The problem isn't his lack of trying. We are both putting everything we have into saving this relationship. Where we hit the hard points is seeing each other and being able to talk to each other.

I had the same reaction as all of you did, I thought he didn't care, I did sit him down and asked him straight up "If you want this to end then tell me. Don't be afraid of hurting me, I will be hurt a lot more if you hold back and tell me later."

He looked at me for like a minute or two speachless, finally he told me "You have no idea how much it hurts to hear someone you love tell you you don't love them."

Then another situation today he called me when his sister wasn't home and I asked him why he wasn't as worried about our relationship as I was...his response "I KNOW everything will be okay we love each other and we may be going through something very very difficult and painful, I believe our love will see us throught this. I love you."

He is a once in a lifetime guy and I am just a worry wort/drama queen. I have realized I have nothing to worry about, this man loves me and although the summer is going to be rough we will work through it. I've put him through a lot of drama, I know he would have broken up with me by now...if he wanted too.

Before I even really knew him all his friends would tell me not to get my hopes up about a relationship with him because he had a philosophy that he was going to only have one girlfriend in his life (as unbelieveable and rediculuse that sounds) they all told me he hated highschool relationships, and even HE told me he's liked lots of girls and dated a lot but he was waiting for the right one to have a relationship with. That was the first day we ever talked, I know it wasn't a line because we knew nothing about each other and the thought of being together hadn't crossed our minds yet.

What I am trying to tell you all is that I know yesterday I came on here looking for advise, but now I realize I don't have a problem, everything is going to be okay. I am leaving it all up to love. If it isn't ment to be it will end in its own time, but right now we are both in love and I'm going to enjoy this feeling while I have it.


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KittenGoddess
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quote:
Originally posted by KittyKisses143:
First off the question: Do opposites really attract?

"Over the years, research has consistently shown that people tend to associate with others who are similar to themselves."

According to most social psychologists, opposites don't really attract. Years ago there was something called the complementary hypothesis which stated that people would be attracted to those with needs opposite of their own either because of the need for complementary personality traits, or the exchange of resources and roles.

"But when it comes to fitting mutual needs and personality traits the way keys fit locks, research shows that complementarity does not influence attraction (O'Leary & Smith, 1991)."

So while there are occasions of that happening, on a broader scale, we're generally attracted to those who are like us in one facet or another. True opposites are generally not a great match.

(Quotations from Social Psychology, 5th ed. by Brehm, Kassin, and Fein)

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KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Advocate (and Labia Lady)

"The whole world is full of morons...they just congregate on the internet cause it's easy for them to push the buttons."


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