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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » USED?

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Author Topic: USED?
luv4brookybaby
Neophyte
Member # 8247

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Hi, this guy and I have had sort of a "thing" for about 6 months. In that time we've gone out twice. Once i broke up with him, and once he broke up with me. Each time that we sort of get back together, we do a little more(phisically) and everytime that one of us ends it, it hurts me more(mentally) and he never seems to care at all, usually he ends up flirting with everyone else and i end up getting with some other guy to make him jeleous and doing stuff i don't normally do just for him. He never says that he likes me, or that he loves me, he just says he wants to be "friends with benefits". I don't really want a relationship, but i really really like him and i don't think he feels the same way, and i know he wants to do lots more stuff (physically) and really i don't mind doing it, but i don't just want him to use me, and i just don't know weather i'm totally head over heels for him and don't see that he's using me everytime we get back together or if he really is an ok guy?? please help???
Posts: 2 | From: Eugene | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

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There's nothing wrong with a "friends with benefits" relationship *if* that's what you both want (and remember that "friends" are people who like each other and treat each other with respect and kindness).

On the other hand, if you are much more emotionally involved than he is, then I think you are setting yourself up to get hurt emotionally if you agree to a "friends with benefits" relationship when what you really want is a romantic relationship: you'll always be wanting the relationship to be something it isn't. Just because you like this guy a lot, that doesn't mean you should agree to a relationship that isn't what you want.

It sounds as if he is being pretty honest about his feelings and what he wants, so in that sense he's not "using" you. But it's up to you to decide what *you* want and whether that fits with what he's offering.


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$uMMeR
Activist
Member # 2658

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...I wonder, if a guy is only looking for "friends with 'benefits'", is it his responsibility to ask you what you want first and then discuss things with you, or is it yours and so therefore you must ask him?

Just a question.

------------------
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Sir Winston Churchill

Luv,
Dahlia @ here or here


Posts: 194 | From: city of Anghelz | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bethy
Neophyte
Member # 8244

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I agree that "friends with benefits” is not a bad thing, but it should be a mutual agreement between the two of you. Also make sure that he is looking to be a FRIEND, and not just looking for the BENEFITS... it sounds to me, though, that you like him as more then a friend. And when he is only looking for a friendship (or only looking for benefits) and you're looking for a relationship, you're probably going to come out hurting.
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