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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » HELP!

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Author Topic: HELP!
*Katiebaby*
Neophyte
Member # 8095

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Im 15 years old and ive been dating this 18 year old guy for about 4 and a half months. I love him very much. My parents have this thing were im not allowed to date till im 16 and we decided that we were going to respect them and wait till i was 16. Well after a few months of that we decided that we didnt want to wait. We had sex for the first time a few weeks ago, and ive been on the pill for a week. I know he loves me very much and I feel the same for him but my parents know that we are more than friends cuz we do stuff together whenever my parents will let us. My problem, yesterday my parents talked with me and they told me that they dont think that i should be hanging out with him as much as i usually do anymore.I told him and he is really scared taht he is gonna lose me and im really scared taht he is right. Do you have any advice that i could say to my parents to make them understand? Thanks in advance.
Posts: 3 | From: Minnesota | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SurfGal
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Member # 316

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Wow! Girl, my boyfriend and I were recently in the same predicament, only I'm 17 and he's the one that is 15. His parents do not want him to "car date" until he is 16 and we will respect their wishes. Well, the first entire month that we were boyfriend and girlfriend he hadn't told his parents, because he was afraid that they would flip out and make him break up with me (they are very strict.) Well, I asked him to tell them, so he did. And guess what? They said that they were impressed that I stuck around, knowing that we can't go off on the weekends and all, and that they know now that I really like their son. Sometimes, parents know how much you car for each other, but for some reason do not want you in that position. Maybe your parents feel that you are neglecting other areas of your life, or that you may be far too emotionally attatched to this boy. I'm sure that they feel they are doing their job as your parents. The best thing that you can do is sit down with them, discern their intentions, and take it from there. Good luck, I hope everything works out

------------------
"Girl you can pick a field full of daisies...but he'd still be my baby!" ~Dream

***STACY***


Posts: 81 | From: Jacksonville, FL. 32218 | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
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Member # 384

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Okay, there are several issues here, so bear with me.

1. According to Minnesota state law, your boyfriend could be arrested for criminal sexual contact because you are under 16 and he is more than 48 months older than you are. I'm not trying to scare you, just telling it like it is. See www.ageofoconsent.com for details on how this works.

2. You mentioned the pill, but not condoms and lube. If you choose to continue having sex with your boyfriend (and please keep in mind that Scarleteen does not advocate any illegal activity, no matter how I may feel personally about the law mentioned above), please practice safer sex. See the following article:

Safe, Sound, and Sexy

And even though you've already had intercourse, you may find these helpful:

Ready or Not?
Intercourse 101

3. Okay, now on to the question you actually asked, how to talk to your parents.

This is a tough one. Face it, you've broken your parents' rules, big time. On the other hand, it's not like a person's heart suddenly changes magically at age 16. Some folks are ready to date before then, some not until long after. You don't say how close you are to actually being 16, but if it's not too far away, you might try sitting down with them and explaining that you really like this guy and that you feel that you are mature enough to carry on a relationship. You might also remind them that making a romantic partner into "forbidden fruit" is a long-standing parental tactic notorious only for its failure. (Witness Romeo and Juliet and all star-crossed lovers before and since. If they hadn't had the excitement of forbidden love to make things interesting, would they have just dated for a few months and then moved on? Hmmm.)

Of course, that may not work. If your parents lay down the law, keep in mind that a balanced life is a good thing, and if your relationship is truly meant to be then it will survive not seeing each other as much as you're used to. You may not believe it now, but chances are that this won't be the last relationship you'll ever have. Enjoy it to the hilt, but try for some moderation and common sense, too.

Good luck.


Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lilfran14
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katiebaby i also went through the same thing when i was a freshman a senior asked me out, the first words outta my moms mouth was "your not going to prom" we found it kind of humorus. No one in my family acaully approved of me dating him. i was 14 he was 18. I have a large and close family, my grammy, aunt, and all like 25 of my first cousins hated him. I didnt really know why, maybe it was just cuz he was older.

But i sat donw and had a talk with my mom, grammy and aunt about him and told them i was a strong person and if he ever did nething wrong to me i would stand up for myself and talk to someone.

they understand and let me have my freedom. Its better just to try to explain to ur rents how much you care about this guy and how hes never done anything wrong to you( i hope he hasnt). good luck

------------------
~*Katie Frances*~

Why is it that in the
land of the free, home
of the brave, why is it
that i still feel like a
slave.?"

Life is too short..Live it well and with the people you care about.. Don't ever let your work become your life... Go out there and live a little before its too late** Dr. Greene ER


Posts: 183 | From: Buffalo, NY :) | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cupcake
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Uhhh... Moonlight?
48 months is 4 years.

Posts: 433 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*Katiebaby*
Neophyte
Member # 8095

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Hey guys, thanks alot for the advice i REALLY appreciate it. Lady Moonlight, i know about that law in minnesota and we had and still do discuss it. When we had sex we did use a condom but thanks for referring those articles. Once again thank you all!
Posts: 3 | From: Minnesota | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
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Member # 384

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quote:
Originally posted by cupcake:
Uhhh... Moonlight?
48 months is 4 years.

<<thwacks side of head>>

Sheesh, there's a reason I'm a librarian and not a math teacher.

Thanks Cupcake.


Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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