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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Surprise Surprise

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Author Topic: Surprise Surprise
Member # 7723

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Most of us are aware of how much communication is needed for a relationship to work out very well and how much the site encourages communication between partners. But I have recently noticed something. My girlfriend loves to be surprised with what she likes. And to talk about what we both want sort of ruins some of the surprise aspect of it. Im not talking sex and stuff like that more just kissing and holding eachother. At first I wasnt sure what she wanted so I tried talking with her about it but she would avoid it which led me to believe she didnt want it that much, but it was contrary to what Id been told which was that (she told me this and others did) she is anything but prude. So I was a little confused. I began asking her more close friends especially when it came down to a point where I needed to make a decision, I was talking online with one of her closer friends and she gave me enough insentive to go ahead and kiss her the next night. I didnt surprise my gf all that much but it was a lot more natural and enjoyable than it would have been had I asked her about when and where and how shed have liked it. So now I have been recently attempting to be spontaneous in what I do with her, and its been working out well (mostly because her good friends like me a lot and want to help). Im not saying at all that communication is not needed I think it defenitely is, and when (or if we last this long) my gf and I get around to sex I will make the communication thing a must because in that situation I will really need to. But how many of you have experienced this situation, do you tend to like surprises more or do you like talking about things. If you are spontaneous with your gf/bf, then how do you find out what they like. I myself dont mind it either way but I think that it felt a lot better without words when we made out that first time then it would have been had we planned.


If you find you love someone more than you love yourself, I hope that person feels the same way.

"We may be through with the past but the past aint through with us"

"As far as I am concerned humans have not come up with a belief that is worth believing"

Posts: 104 | From: Tiburon, Ca | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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Surprises can be wonderful - as long as the person doing the surprising is willing to listen and compromise as things progess. In some cases (such as surprises) communication doesn't need to take place beforehand but it does need to take place during the actual event.

Oh, and it would really be helpful if you could include paragraph breaks in your posts. Those huge chunks of text are very hard to read. Thanks.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
Member # 384

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I once read a suggestion that couples could bookmark passages of a book to let the other know what they would find appealing, then leave it where the other would find it. The surprise comes in not knowing if the partner has read the book yet and if so, what surprise they will pick and when. My source specifically suggested doing this with erotica or sexual technique books, but I don't see why it wouldn't work with almost anything, like one of those "100 ways to be romantic" books or even a short story or scene in a novel that one partner found particularly nice.

That said, it's hard to go wrong with a flower, a balloon, a surprise picnic in the park, or love notes (cartoons, drawings, poetry, whatever) tucked into someplace where you're sure she'll find them.

Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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