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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Lonely and Worried

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Author Topic: Lonely and Worried
Ms Hannah Rose
Member # 7490

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I know i have no right to complain. I have one of the most wonderful boys in the world, a beautiful little red-haired Italian boy who plays guitar with a talent that in my eyes is as yet unmatched. While I haven't been asked yet (I'm only seventeen and still in my junior year of high school), we talk about getting married all the time, and, as I wear a promise ring on my hand, I intend to take him up on that offer as soon as I'm able.

But here is my problem. My boy has an acute fascination with the city of Seattle. We both live in central Minnesota, and while I also have a desire to move out there, his is a bit more intense. He has friends out there, a lot of them, and he has essentially been waiting his whole life to go there. He has promised to stay in Minnesota one more year while I finish up high school, and then we'll move out there...etc., etc., etc.

This doesn't seem like much of a problem. I told you, I don't have a right to complain. But right now, he's there, on spring break, and will be for another seven days. My problem isn't necessarily that he's there--but I feel so useless. Seattle, for him, is sophisticated and his future and where life really is...I'm just a little small-town girl who's never set foot outside Minnesota. I know he loves me, but what if he decides when he's out there that it's not worth it to wait for me? It would absolutely devistate me to lose him, but I don't want to feel as though I'm tying him down (which I am). Seeing him so happy out there with his friends hurts so much, because I'm left with the possibility of his decision to not come back...

"We built our church above the street, we practice love between these sheets. The candy sweetness scent of you invades my skin, I'm stained in you..." Darren Hayes

Posts: 10 | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cute Katie
Member # 6602

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Is there a reason you feel you want/need to marry him at such a young age? Are you planning on going to college after high school finishes?

I am currently in a 15.5-month long relationship with my boyfriend, and we talk about marrying each other. We also wear promise rings, but we know we don't want to get married until AT LEAST after college. I know what works for me might not work for you, and vice versa. But wouldn't you like to experience life outside of high school before getting married?

I know in my experience, college is nothing like high school. You meet so many people, and I like being able to know that although I love my boyfriend very much and want to be with him, that it wouldn't be too difficult to end the relationship if I wanted to be single. Ending a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is definitely a lot easier than ending a marriage!

Now, I'm not saying that if you and your boyfriend were to marry straight out of high school that you'd divorce eventually. I'm just saying, it can happen, and it does happen to people.

I personally don't recommend anyone marrying straight out of high school. It just seems so soon, and at age 18, do you really know what you want with life?

Anyway, that's just my opinion and personal experiences. Good luck!


"True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen." ~La Rochefoucauld

Posts: 59 | From: Michigan, USA | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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i'm of the mindset that people should have a chance to see the world sometime during their lives. youth is a great thing. use it. travel. see the world. don't live like a toad under a coconut shell -- confined, never seeing past whats immediately around you. get out from under that coconut.

and while you might not think it right now, what would be so awful if he did pursue his dream of living in seattle? imho, it's probably worse to keep him from doing that -- kinda selfish in a way. and why shouldn't you have a chance to see the world too?

chances are, you're going to live a good, long life. there'll be plenty of time for "the rest of our lives," and if it was meant to work out in the long run, then being away from each other for a month, a year, a presidential term won't matter because you can always regroup later.

true, everyone's lonely sometimes, and everybody misses other people, too. it's human nature. but don't forget how to live life for yourself. have a plan for what you are going to do for *you* in case things don't quite go the way you planned (they often don't) and you find that maybe you do follow separate paths. it's pointless to feel useless -- it's your life and you choose what you do with it. don't feel useless because you're not some urban sophisticate, do something with that. either embrace an identity as a homespun person with down-home values, or explore the possibility of being a city-dwelling bohemian.

oh, don't even po-mo me, baby...

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ms Hannah Rose
Member # 7490

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Thank you both for your reply...I was looking for some kind of consolation, but instead a question was raised that I wasn't even considering.

I don't know entirely when we plan to get married, although I do know that we are both going to live together out in Seattle. I would turn 18 before then, so I don't believe we would marry while I am still in high school--that gives us three months at least.

I do intend to marry him, and unless his plans for me change, I shall, but I am grateful for the advice. I know I shall see the world--with my husband at my side.

and yeah, i realize that sounded really pathetic and cheesy, but it had to be said. :P

"We built our church above the street, we practice love between these sheets. The candy sweetness scent of you invades my skin, I'm stained in you..." Darren Hayes

Posts: 10 | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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