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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Sepertaion of friends

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Author Topic: Sepertaion of friends
Member # 7372

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I really didnt know where to put this but I figured this wouldnt be a bad idea

My freinds and I have been growing further apart lately. Most of them tend to party alot more than I do. In all actuality I never do. But anyways a friend of mine started to act alot different this year. We started out the school year extremely close. She also used to be a very light partier. She went to this one party and had sex.

Ever since then she has acted a whole lot differently. She has stopped being there for me. It is really difficult because for a very long time I felt like she was the only one who understood me.

I tried to approach her with this and she basically blew me off. I know I should probably just shrug this off but I am having a really hard time with it.

Posts: 16 | From: Never Never Land | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
Member # 384

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People change, and sometimes they manage to remain friends and sometimes they don't. It's tough when someone you care about (or did once, anyhow) seems to be moving away from you emotionally.

If you tried to talk about it and she blew you off, it could be because she's not really comfortable with her own behavior and she didn't want to discuss it. You could try to bring it up again (preferably in private), or maybe just ask her out for one of the activities you used to enjoy when you were closer and see if she accepts. Or you could try writing her a letter.

Unfortunately, though, friendship is a two-way street, and reaching out doesn't do you any good if she won't reach back. If it looks like your friendship with this person is a lost cause, try to remember the good times and not be too bitter, and try to find other activities (school clubs, sports, volunteer work...whatever interests you) where you can meet other people with whom you may be compatible.

You may recover this friendship. If not, sooner or later you'll find another good friend, and in the meantime, take care.

Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9162

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This old thread I found is actually just what I am looking for. I had this best friend named Jen ever since 6th grade. We went to different high schools but still remained close. But for the last couple of months, she is not the best friend that she use to be. She NEVER calls me anymore and we never hang out like we use to. Jen has this other friend Tiffy that she met in her school and Jen said Tiffy is sooo much like me. I guess this is why she doesn't really bother with me like she used to because why talk to two people that are so much alike. She probably feels like why bother with one when I have the other? Jen also has this other boyfriend who is into very illegal activities which she knows and accepts. I'm basically scared for her safety as a friend would be. But it seems as though after 6 years of friendship...she has just lost interest in me. I still try to call her and invite her out but she's always out with her other friend or her boyfriend. She never takes time out for me anymore. I feel like he is no good for her because his illegal activities are very dangerous and God forbid she happens to be with him and the cops arrest him and she gets taken down too because she's there. I've tried to tell her that but she already knows and doesn't think it can happen. I also have a boyfriend but sometimes I just want to be with a regular friend because sometime I have a problem that only another female would understand but she's not there for me. I graduated high school this past June and all my school friends and I have gone our separate ways. I feel like I have lost my best friend and I have no one else. I'm also very shy and have trouble talking to people and making new friends. Jen WAS the only person I could truly call a friend but now I don't even have that anymore. So I guess it is time to meet new people and make new friends. Can anyone give me any tips on making it easier to make new friends because I think that's what needs to be done. Thanks in advance!

Boogie Black
Still Going Strong!
Forever and Always!

[This message has been edited by DiamondGirl2K (edited 10-06-2003).]

Posts: 137 | From: The Home of The Greatest: NY | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2340

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I've had similar experiences this year. I just started college, and many of my high school friends are here also becuase it is in the same town. All but a few of my friends from high school has gotten into parties and dangerous activities. My former "best friend" is mad at me right now becuase I chose to go to a movie with my non-drinking friends rather than be her designated driver.

The best way I've found to make new friends is to join some kind of organization. Find something you're interested in and join a club. For me, I use a Mac, so I joined the local Mac users group. Also, I'm a music major, so I joined a band service organization. I have lots of new non-partying friends, like myself. Also, my non-drinking friends from high school have started getting together to go bowling or watch movies since so many of the people of my high school have gravitated toward the parties.

Best of luck!

Posts: 286 | From: Ames, IA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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i'm loyal to the death, so i've done my best to keep in touch with my friends, but i found that as we got older, we really started to have less and less in common.

my best friend from first grade stayed best friends with me till about 10th grade when she started going out with the jocks. we're still friends on that level where we're happy to run into each other, but it's not like i've called her to come hang out in ... 7 or 8 years. even when we played on the soccer team together in high school (one of the only activities we still had in common at that point since she wasn't doing honors classes or anything i was into), she still chose to be more buddy-buddy with the other girls. Well, I went off to college, and she did some community classes and got married. now we *really* have nothing in common.

how'd I cope? I just made some new friends. She and I never fought, so it was okay on that front. Better to just fade out than end in serious acrimony, imho. The friends I have now have goals that are more similar to my own. Not to mention, they're more local (and those who aren't at least come to visit).

I suppose you just have to accept that life is like that. We follow our paths, and at some points, people that we care about aren't going to be walking with us anymore. but there'll be others along the way. And who knows, you might just cross paths again later on.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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