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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Im gunna go insane....

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Author Topic: Im gunna go insane....
:pq:
Neophyte
Member # 417

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I need some advice. I am going out with this girl whom my parents adore. Her parents are slightly abusive, so my parents have taken it upon themselves to be there for her. She is nice, smart, talented, and pretty. but for some reason i am just not attracted to her. I feel more as friends than anything else. There are just no feelings more than that. I need to break up with her, but she doesnt deserve to be dumped. And whats more is, i know that it will devestate her. I cant talk to my parents about it because they dont want to see her hurt either. How do i do this? i dont want to hurt her, she doesnt deserve it. but i cant keep this up.
Posts: 21 | From: SimiValley | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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Something to keep in mind is that she doesn't deserve to be mislead either - no matter how good your intentions are. In this case I think that honesty is the best policy. Tell her how you really feel as gently as possible. After that, simply be there for her as her friend to let her know that you haven't abondoned her, you've simply changed the nature of the relationship.
Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
:pq:
Neophyte
Member # 417

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thanks, thats prob. the best advice i gunna get. now i gotta do it, but just coming up out of the blue like this and telling her- is gunna suck....any other tips or suggestions?
Posts: 21 | From: SimiValley | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Chicksta
Activist
Member # 6323

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yah - dont just drop her. If you do that, then there wont be this "friend" thing still. I think you should still invite her over though, but not too much to lead her on. I would still invite her over if like she calls and she just needs a place to "get away for a few hours". Maybe your parents are the best thing that's happened to her. You also dont need to get a "rebound" because that will just make her feel even more depressed. Dont rush into another relationship just yet. You may find, through this, that you really do like her more than a friend, and if you're in another relationship already, YOU'RE STUCK AGAIN! If you play your cards right, you might have a friend for life.... and that's what you want, isnt it?


hope i helped!!


Chicksta


Posts: 45 | From: Buford, Ga, USA | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
:pq:
Neophyte
Member # 417

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yes, your input has been extremely helpful. But i still dont think i can go through with this. ive never had to break up with someone just because i didnt feel the "chemistry" i guess you could say. This is just so hard, i know she will call, and then i will act like everything is ok. then we will hang out, day after day, and i wont be able to go through with it....
Posts: 21 | From: SimiValley | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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...and then you'll not only be doing yourself a disservice, you'll be doing her one too.

Everyone deserves honesty. A relationship that is based on going through the motions or feighing feelings that aren't there isn't good for anyone.

I'd suggest you do talk to your parents about it, and see what they think. Maybe as a family you can talk about ways to keep this girl in your lives in a way you're all comfortable with, so that when you do talk to her, you can let her know that you aren't abandoning her, you just aren't comfortable or happy in a romantic relationship.

Give her a little credit: those of us who have been abused are actually often stronger than many people who have not been, and we can be prettty resilient. Treating her like a child or a glass snowball isn't goinng to help her a bit. Treating her like a whole person will.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
:pq:
Neophyte
Member # 417

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thanks everyone for pointing me in the right direction. wish me luck...
Posts: 21 | From: SimiValley | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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