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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » how do you get through that?

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Author Topic: how do you get through that?
plausable
Neophyte
Member # 6354

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my girlfriend talks about this guy all the time. we'll call him "tim." tim is really a nice guy. it just so happens that he showed her her first kiss, her first make-out, and her first relationship that meant anything. anyway, she still loves him, and i think the reason may be that she had sex with him. and that is her first time and all and et cetera. i know she still loves him, but i chose to ignore that and all, and i know she doesn't love me, nor will be able to as much she did him. but i want to continue with the relationship anyway. so my question is how do i take this? i mean every time i think i can't get the fact out of my mind that she gave up her virginity to him. how do i get past it? :-/

[This message has been edited by plausable (edited 01-01-2002).]


Posts: 1 | From: Illinois, USA | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Are you sure it is ONLY for that one reason that she still loves him?

Thinking back on all of the partners and lovers I have loved deeply in my life, save the ones that were just utter jerks, I still love ALL of them in one way or another, and I certainly always will treat them as family and friends. For the most part, when you do deeply love someone, even when a relationship changes, most people do still love that person.

But that doesn't mean they cannot also love someone else, OR that the next person has to "outdo" the last relationship. You don't have to do that, and you don't even need to try. I'm of the mind that in general, all our past and current relationships are all different (hopefully): they don't have to complete with one another. We have enough special places in our hearts for all of them.

I think in your case recognizing that is the biggest deal. The fact that he was the person she first had intercourse with is really smaller than it seems: bear in mind that as you grow older, you'll be hard-pressed to find women to date/partner with/marry/cohabote with, etc. that have NOT had at least one or two previous partners. Again, it's not a competition.

Who is she seeing right now? You.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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