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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Bf to gf talk...

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Author Topic: Bf to gf talk...
Kasper
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Member # 5439

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OK Im sure you have all had these! Well tonight I had mine.

It all started because he asked what I was thinking about, and I said sex. Then it started leaning twards cheating. I asked him if he would cheat on me. He told me he would not unless I gave him a reason too. Which would inculde me cheating on him first. Then I asked him about breakin up. He said he hates to break up with a girl unless its for a really really good reason. Then he told me he does not think we will be together forever. I got a lil upset bout that. I asked him if he was thinking of breaking up with me soon and he said no. He just said it was unlikely to last forever cuz were so young. He is 19, Im 18. I mean do you think he meant anything by it?! Or does everyone think about breaking up, and the worst case senerio. I asked him what the point was of us dating and he said well were having agood time right. And I agreed. I know he is serious about us cuz weve been going out for 6 months, and if he did not want a commintmen he would not have gone out with me.

Hes had a bad bad past relationship, and I guess kinda had flash backs about it. That is the only reason I can think of him acting like that.

Help! Why would he suggest that we prob wont be together forever? Or maybe do you think it is just something that most couples have to discuss?

Thank!


Posts: 213 | From: *Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*B*
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maybe i'm not totally right about this or anything but it has been in my experience that guys don't really think towards the future in the romantic sense with a girl as much as females. (i'm not saying every single guy here- don't get me wrong!)

He may not want to make a serious committment like that with you yet- like you said he is young and may not be ready for that and I think it is more important to be honest about you with his feelings on staying together (like he was) that to lead you on and give you false hopes. So in that aspect you have an honest boyfriend who is unwilling to lead you on over something that important.

Have fun with your relationship, show him how much you care for him but dont pressure him into comitting to you forever. That may just scare him off even more.

Good luck

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-*B*-


Posts: 110 | From: australia | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sallynha
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well, i was told many times that i shouldn't be in a relationship thinking about how we'd be together in the future, saying things like "we'll be together forever", making plans, etc., but instead, thinking on living the relationship day by day, and working on it everyday so that the relationship would make "us" happy in the present. and if it kept making "us" happy, then maybe we would be together for a longer period of time.

so, i think wanting to make a relationship last, forever, or for any period of time, based just on a future you imagine, is basically wrong, because what you need is what's happening in the present.

maybe that was why your boyfriend said he didn't think you would be together forever - how is he gonna know what will happen? and there are many ways not to be together, not just a break-up. you could move apart (even if that doesn't necessarily mean the end of a relationship, but you wouldn't be together anyway), something could happen to any of you and you could die (ok, i know this is terrible, but as one of the options i had to point out). what i mean is, no-one knows what can happen in the future. even your feelings towards him can change, and it might be you wanting to leave him.

so, i know this is getting too long, try to work on each day with your boyfriend as it was your last day togethe, take out the best of each moment, and that alone makes the relationship worth - after all, "carpe diem".
don't pressure him too much because he can start to feel tied down to you, and even if he loves you a lot, most people don't like the feeling and that can drive him away.

ok, i hope i helped and that i didn't offend you with anything i said

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~Sallynha
The Beautiful Smile Hides The Troubled Soul

ICQ# 123898306


Posts: 390 | From: * my own little shell * | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Chicksta
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Its kinda hard to write on these boards... you really dont know the WHOLE situation.


Maybe he is just speaking his mind. Girls tend to take care of their guys and nurture them and love them more than guys do for girls.... MOST of the time. I dont think he's trying to break your heart nor that he's not wanting something short of your relationship. When my boyfriend asks me if we'll be together forever, i tell him yes. then after i think about it, i really dont know what's going to happen. I dont tell him yes because i want to lie to him to make him love me more, but because, it IS a possibility and it WILL make him whole-ly secure with "US". So maybe your guy is a little different and doesnt see that kind of thing happening. Maybe he just wants to see today and let things just flow. You know, if he liked you enough to ask you out and stay with you for six months... im sure nothing is going to come between you two unless its a BIG thing. And maybe you arent "meant to be" and he has PROMISED you that you will be together forever..... he's just become an ex- friend as well as an ex-boyfriend. Then you'll never trust anone again and that whole speech of " my ex ruined my thoughts and now i cant go on with my life because i dont trust anyone to tell me the truth" on the Jerry Springer Show. Get the point? Im not sure he realizes that it makes you get that "uneasy" feeling in your tummy when he says things like that, but maybe he's just being realistic.

For your own peace of mind, dont ask him those types of questions if you dont really want to know the answer..... and you know exactly what im talking about.

Hope i helped!!


-- Chicksta


Posts: 45 | From: Buford, Ga, USA | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kasper
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Thanks guys! You all helped a bunch! I am gonna take things one day at a time now.

I went out tonight with him and had an awesome time. It was a totally different person that I saw yesterday. He actually mentioned the suggestion of moving in eventually, and not joining the military now cuz of me.

Maybe yesterday was a bad day who knows...


Posts: 213 | From: *Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fortigirl
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i've been with my bf for 11 months (technically), and i'm just beginning high school. we've talked about breaking up, and we have, but we just got back together. i think you'll be fine
Posts: 24 | From: a place y'all have never heard of! | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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