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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Moral? I'm almost sure...

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Author Topic: Moral? I'm almost sure...
Member # 6312

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I been going out with a girl for a few weeks now. She's 13 and I'm 16. I see no problem with this and neither does she or her mom. At school though, I get a lot of ribbing from the guys about it. Ya know, "I have a sister that you'd like, but you'll have to pick her up from preschool," and randomly yelled (yelt?) in the halls, "Pedophile!" I'd just like to get everyone's views on this. One of my friends thinks it's fine because of the "formula" (Age/2)+5=youngest you can date. Thx for any input.

My $0.02

Posts: 2 | From: Riverview, MI USA | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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as long as you're not breaking any age of consent laws, we can't raise any objections to your choice of girlfriend.

however, i offer this tidbit. the thing i see with what can be termed "drastic" differences in age is a difference in life experience. a person in high school might not have the same point of view as a person in junior high or a person in college. it's what we've seen, felt and lived so far, or might be going through right now, and it might be totally foreign to our partners if they're not at a similar point in their lives.

Our sexpert Hanne once said age gaps more or less corresponded to the percentage of life lived to that point (which is why a gap of three year for a teenager is more significant than a gap of three years to a middle-aged adult).

does that mean it's necessarily wrong for you to have a 13-year-old girlfriend? no if you keep things within the cbounds of the law. check out to see what is considered to be illegal activity for you and your girl. if you're totally okay on all counts, then it really doesn't matter what they say, does it?

srm? wtf? iyhta ... rtfm!

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6331

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Personally I see where the critizing is coming from. Your friends feel you are a junior in high school and she is in junior high. They think that she is a tad bit young. They see it as when you go to college, she will be in the 10th grade and you will be a consenting adult going with a teenager(if God willing let you guys be together for that long).

I really do not think anything is wrong with that. I was in the same situation. I had met this guy and at the time I was 12 and he was 15. We liked each other, my family and friends were like that is not right. They felt that he was too old for me. Yeah we critized but that didn't stop me from liking him.

I say keep your relationship with her. Your sister was wrong to call you such a thing. Does she know what it means? All I can say is that, your friends are not your friends.


Posts: 18 | From: MARLTON,NJ,UNITED STATES | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Interesting formula that I've never heard of... a bit to standardized for my taste, but interesting none-the-less.

Gumdrop and HotGurl nailed it. As long as you're comfortable in the relationship and you're not breaking any laws (laws, I might add, which are completly archaic and need reformation), then you're in the clear.

You know, this gives me a chance to point out a bias in our society (I know you guys love it when I do this). I think that the major reason that you're getting flak for your relationship with this younger girl is simply the fact that you fit the role of the "older man" and she's the impressionable, and fragile young girl -- even if she's not. In our society, when a boy is taken by an older woman, it's a touching coming of age story; but, when a young girl is "taken" by an older man, it's a tragedy and the man is a pervert and pedophile.

Like I said, though, if both of you are comfortable with the relationship, and neither of you feels as though you or your partner is being taken advantage of, then go for it. Stay in the relationship. The fact that you've stayed with her for a few weeks now sort of suggusts that you're not very suspectible to the ridicule/oppinion of others.

It just comes down to the two key factors: both parties comfort levels, and making sure that the activity is legal.

Now, I'm finished with my rant. I hope I answered the question there and didn't go too far off on any tangents.

Tim (a.k.a. the Dude).
~ Scarleteen's Newest Advocate :) ~

"Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love" -- Woody Allen

Posts: 712 | From: Michigan, US | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6312

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Thanks for all your replies. They not only give me more confidence, but some ammo to use against those ignorant people.

My $0.02

Posts: 2 | From: Riverview, MI USA | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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