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Author Topic: i need help!
~jess~
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Ok i have this guy friend, we only been hanging out for just a lil over a year now and we've made out and stuff but he really loves me and i kinda love him, but hes 2 years older then me so my mom willnt let me go out with him, that not the problem through. He thinks that i want to have sex with him but i dont and he desbt believe me. I dont want to at all and i dont want to be with him alone and start making out because when we did he thought that i wanted to have sex with him. I love making out with him but i dont want to go too far and when u tell him no he doesnt listen well. so what should i do?

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Jess


Posts: 278 | From: Oregon | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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To be perfectly blunt: leave him. Do it now. If you have clearly communicated your boundaries and decisions to him it is completely unacceptable that he will not respect them.

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 12-28-2001).]


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
~jess~
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quote:
Originally posted by ookuotoe:
To be perfectly blunt: leave him. Do it now. If you have clearly communicated your boundaries and decisions to him it is completely unacceptable that he will not respect them.]

how can i leave someone if im not with him???


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Cute Katie
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I think what ookuotoe (sp?) meant was: stop making out with him. If that's what is leading him to believe you want to have sex with him, then stop it. So you enjoy making out with him... if that's all you're after, why not find someone else to make out with, someone who won't automatically assume you want to have sex? This guy doesn't seem like the greatest guy. I hope I cleared things up for you, and good luck!

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-~-Katie-~-

"True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen." ~La Rochefoucauld


Posts: 59 | From: Michigan, USA | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
~jess~
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Thats great advise, thanks. everytime i plane on seeing him i ssay to myself, "im not going to do nothing with him" but its hard. he "turns me on".
Posts: 278 | From: Oregon | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
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I know it can be rough (and believe me, I've been there), but it is possible to think with your head even when your body doesn't want you to think, and it sounds like that's what you're going to have to do in this case. If you don't think you can control yourself in person, then call him on the phone and tell him you don't want to see him anymore. Or, if you can't avoid seeing him, tell him that you don't want to see him alone any more. If he asks "why?" (and most people would), then tell him just what you've told us, that by claiming that you want to have sex when you say you don't he is disrespecting your boundaries and could potentially end up hurting you, and you feel threatened by this.

You say he loves you, but loving someone is more than wanting to have sex with them. Love also has to do with caring about somebody, with listening to them and respecting their wishes and their choices. If he can't do that for you then he doesn't really love you, no matter what he says.

One last thing: I strongly suggest that after you've talked to him and drawn some boundaries about what you will and will not do, don't back down. Don't say you won't see him alone and then let him talk you into "one last meeting" or something similar. All that does is reinforce his belief that you don't mean what you say. If you somehow end up alone with him accidentally, get out of that spot as soon as possible. Back up your words with actions.


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lookin4luv
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if he's not gonna listen to you, you gotta ask yourself....is he the right guy for me? and if you cant bear leaving him....set him strait, give him a warning....tell him tha if he doesnt listen to you then you mite leave him. dont be afraid to scream at him when he tells you that your joking. you'd know if you were joking or not. your not ready for sex and he's just gonna have to respect that.
Posts: 26 | From: Bronx, New York, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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