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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Totally confused.....friend or more then a friend

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Author Topic: Totally confused.....friend or more then a friend
Clickclik929
Neophyte
Member # 6182

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Hey everybody. This rilly isn't a major problem. i just need some advice and want anyone's imput. A couple months ago i went out with a friend of mine. i'm 16 an a sophomore in hs an he graduated last year. he's a funny guy an TONS of fun to be around. we get along really well an just have an all around good time together.
we went out to the movies (going just as friends) an we ended up holding hands. then afterward before he took me home, we stopped at his house an he ended up fingering me. We didn't kiss or anything and then he took me home. The next day when i talked to him online and asked him what was up, his response was "i don't know" so i just dropped it, i didn't think anything of it an kept treating him as a friend.
Sometimes he comes to our home basketball games. Well we had one the other night and he was there with some of his other friends. I walked by where he was sitting a few times during the game but didn't think anything of it. then yesterday i talked to him online an he told me that i was looking pretty skinny since last he saw me....he continued to lecture me an tell me i didn't look healthy. Then i told him that i've got a lot of compliments on my weight loss an i thought i looked pretty good and i made a remark about how i still have no boyfriend. So he says to me "well seriously, if u ever get lonely, just give me a call. you know my # ok?" so at this point i'm really confused.
he makes it worse by saying "well i know at a point you wanted to have sex with me(which is true) so if u ever wanna do sumthin, even if it's just to hang out, call me" Now, i'm not sure what to think. why would he tell me i looked unhealthy and not want to have anything between us a month earlier but then want to have sex/hang out with me now??? i don't get it! i know you can't answer these ?'s for me but ANY advice or imput would be greatly appreciated. Thnx so much!

Posts: 6 | From: Mi | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
la jaunty bohemian
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Member # 5735

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Hey babe...

Wow.. that's a really interesting situation. And I totally understand your confusion. People are confusing as hell.

[First, I just want to say, and please realize this is just to make sure you're doing alright:

If you've lost weight due to healthy lifestyle changes [eating right, exercising moderately, getting in shape] rock on! Congratulations!
But, if you're losing weight due to unhealthy changes [anorexia, bulimia, laxatives, excessive exercise, etc.] I would really suggest re-evaluating what's going on with your life and your body.

Please remember that being "skinny" doesn't guarentee happiness or love. Just an all-around love-your-body public service announcement!]

As for the boy... what a sticky situation. From what you say, it seems like he's not interested in having a relationship with you.

quote:
Originally posted by Clickclik929:
then afterward before he took me home, we stopped at his house an he ended up fingering me. We didn't kiss or anything and then he took me home...

I'm all for safe sexual exploration- it can lead to really great experiences. It can also lead to upset, hurt and anger. I may be totally shooting from my own hip here, but engaging in gential stimulation without kissing seems a little awkward. Especially since he didn't persue you in any way... if feels to me like he was interested only in sex, and not in you as a person. Of course, I don't know the whole story.

Still, I'd be cautious and talk to him about the whole thing.. because sex should include a lot of open, honest communication to avoid conflict as much as possible. ::smiles::

His offer to engage in sex again:

quote:
Originally posted by Clickclik929:
"well i know at a point you wanted to have sex with me(which is true) so if u ever wanna do sumthin, even if it's just to hang out, call me"

seems really odd to me. If you're thinking about getting intimate with him, I would highly suggest talking to him about the big issues first. If you're both okay with safe casual sex, that's cool. But be sure that you're really okay with any and all possible consequences... including a repeat of what happened the first time.

Good luck!


Posts: 105 | From: Baltimore, MD, USA | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Virvles
Neophyte
Member # 5971

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Just an idea, I dont know exactly how he said this to you..but the guy might just be worried about your wellbeing if you have been losing weight. If he thought that you looked really good before, and then you dropped a few pounds he might be worried that you did have an eating disorder or something. Also if he said to get together 'even if its just to hang out' might mean that he is worried bout you..and wants you to know you have a friend (or something more) if you need it. Just my little ideas, hope it helped a smidgen. Sleep safe~

------------------
I do not suffer from insanity. I enjoy every moment of it :D


Posts: 10 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Clickclik929
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Member # 6182

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thnx guys! yea i talked to him an he said that he was unsure about how i felt before about the situation so he just sorta left it alone. but he said that he was very attracted to me an didn't want a relationship but though i did so he asked me about how i would feel about casual sex. i told him that as long as we discussed where both of us stand and that neither of us expect anything out of it then i would be all for it. i also asked him about the weight thing an he told me that he cares about me an just wanted to make sure i was losing weight the healthy way (eating healthy, working out..which i am) so i got it all figured out. thnx 4 the advice
Posts: 6 | From: Mi | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lgray
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Member # 2930

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look honey, he just wants to get some. Trust me. If he walked up to you and said, "hey wanna go?" you'd probably be like 'heck no!' And (some) boys know this, thats why they say sweet things, and take us to the movies and hold our hands when they really have no intention of getting serious w/ us. Now, he may care about you as a friend, and does seem concerned about your weight loss and probably does have a geniune concern about you, but if he were really interested in you, as in he wanted to date you... you should know by now. He would have asked you out again, called you, talked to you at the game, even sat w/ you, you know? That's just my take, best of luck to you and let us know if anything develops!
Posts: 62 | From: Raleigh, NC, USA | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Clickclik929
Neophyte
Member # 6182

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yea, i know for a fact that he doesn't like me like that. we already talked about it. he's attracted to me but doesn't want a relationship. lol i know how smooth guys can be i've unfortunately fell for it before. idk i think i'm starting to change my mind about the casual sex thing...idk what's gonna happen but i'll let you guys know.
Posts: 6 | From: Mi | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
short stuff
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Member # 3415

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hey. i have two comments.

first... sometimes guy say things just to get in to girl's pants.... in honesty, even the people you thought you trusted seem to do that. and with that... this guy seems to be acting that way. my second comment has to do with you. he said that he isn't ready for a relationship. this leave you with the question of casual sex. i have been there. you gotta ask yourself, am i going to get attached? because if you are and you know for sure he does not want to hook with you, leave it alone. if you don't mind that and know you are just in it for sex, make sure that this is something you want to get involved in. but yeah.... that's just me. best wished and take care!

------------------
(heart) always, sarah

*Memories are the best souvenirs.*

*I thought I loved him, but he had to break my heart for me to know what true love really is.*


Posts: 90 | From: seattle, washington, usa | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Clickclik929
Neophyte
Member # 6182

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maybe i didn't make something clear since i'm getting the same advice from people. i know for a fact that all he wants is sex. i know that guys say smooth things to try an get in girls pants...i'm a smart girl....most of the time lol. but when i talked to him he was totally blunt about it..."i want to have sex with you" is what he said. i talked to him today an we plan to hang out this saturday and if we can find time to be alone we plan to have sex but it's not set in stone or anything i'm still unsure about then whole casual sex thing...i'll let u guys know what happens
Posts: 6 | From: Mi | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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Member # 5375

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Hey, it sounds like you've got things under control. It's fabulous that you two are communicating with each other about what you want and it's great that you realize that you need to give it careful consideration and that you can change your mind if you need to. The short version of all that is "Woohoo!"

Check out our Sexual Readiness Checklist, it may help you make up your mind. Also, these previous threads deal with casual sex:
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum7/HTML/000112.html
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/000027.html

I'm sure you'll make the right choice for yourself - whatever you decide that is.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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